Heading Bush - My Mental Health Crisis

G'day, my name's Ben, and I'm in a pickle.

I've got a raging dose of PTSD, agoraphobia, paranoia, social phobia and anxiety issues. Sucks to be me, right?

Living in a suburban area is the last thing I can handle. I can't leave the house without someone to hold my hand. I can't catch a bus, go for a walk, go to a shop or even go fishing (probably my favourite past-time ever) - without some lengthy mental readiness procedures. Even then, I'll usually snap at the last moment and pull out of the activity. As it stands, I often don't leave the house for weeks and have become a prisoner in my own home.

So far, my wife and kids have been the real heroes of my struggle. They've dealt with my mood swings, rampaging insecurities and automatic suspicion of all things different. Sadly, now it has become too much for us all.

After long talks with my wife, we've decided that a separation is probably the best thing for us all, as I feel it isn't fair to inflict this on them at such intensity and close range.

None of us wants this, but we all feel it can only be good.

How do you fit into all of this? Well......

I can't live in a regular community and survive. I've tried it, and it doesn't work. I'm receiving a Disability Support Pension from the government and am as poor as poo. As a result of this 20-year failed experiment, I've found that the best answer is for me to 'go bush'.

So, I plan to buy a small property (30 to 40 acres would be lovely, but even 1000sqm would be more than enough) here in Queensland. There, I'll go and live for the rest of my natural while looking forward to occasional visits from my friends and relatives. After much thought and planning, I have arrived at the figure of 30 to 40 acres based on the amount of space I will need for various projects and a comfortable buffer from neighbours and the outside world. This size will allow it to be small enough to manage independently but large enough for everything else.

I'll need funds to put together some start-up gear and materials to do this. The property and several other things will be separately purchased by me and not included in this funding.

The only blocks of land I can afford and be of the right size to avoid having people in my pocket are in a relatively remote and rural area. There's no water supply, power grid, sewage system, phone, or housing on these properties. Most don't even have any mobile service.

Sorting out these challenges will require a certain amount of working around.

As a result, I will need to organise the following:-

As you can see, I'm up for quite a shopping list. I will do my best to get these items as cheaply as possible without cutting corners on safety or quality.

Some things are already well within my grasp, so I haven't listed them here, while others will be harder to achieve.

Things such as communications (ideally I'll be getting a satellite internet system) and regular groceries will be taken care of by myself on an "as-needed" basis.

I'll have my dog for company, an expansive collection of music, movies, books and games either in hard-copy or electronic formats for entertainment and a LOT of daily jobs and projects to do around the property.

As part of this project, I'm considering a video diary for friends and family to follow my progress once I can have stable power and an internet connection. It's that, or I drive into the nearest town and find a shared wireless connection.

Hopefully, now that you've read all of this, you can understand the enormous task ahead of me.

I have to do all of this on my own and with minimal tools and equipment until I can add to my inventory.

As it stands, I don't expect this to generate nearly enough funding, but I'm willing to have a try.

Fingers crossed, it all works out.

The worst thing that can happen is that my wife and kids are left with an excellent asset when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil, which will be in about 40 years, knowing my luck.

Cheers!