He took my daughter, help me get her home.
Donation protected
My name is Liz, and I'm struggling so hard trying to figure out what to say. This past Saturday, August 8th, I was blindsided as I was served papers awarding temporary custody of my 11 yr old daughter to her father. For those of you who know me, know how much of a complete shock this is. For those of you who don't, let me explain. Five years ago I left this man because of his manipulative and controlling ways. He had been both mentally and physically abusive towards me, and threatened to kidnap our daughter as he sexually assaulted me when I told him I was leaving. I hired a lawyer to write up a custody arrangement to prevent him from taking off with my girl. In this arrangement, I agreed to give him every other weekend and 3 weeks of the summer as well as agreed to hold off on seeking child support until he had found a job, as well as putting her on my insurance.
For nearly 6 years I've watched him job hop, and nearly right away I gave up the idea that child support was something that I would ever see. I've watched him go from house to house, living with his father in a one bedroom in downtown Chicago, to living with a girlfriend in her one bedroom, to getting a two bedroom condo with said girlfriend, to being kicked out and having to go back to living with his dad. All this time I never denied him time with our daughter, even when I knew that she was sleeping in a tent behind a bookcase in his father's living room. In fact, I gave him time with her above and beyond the court order, switching off holidays, giving him extended breaks, and letting him have her for the summer. Most of the time I had to drive her an hour and a half to the Metro station to drop her off with him. Never once did I ever try to get child support from him, and very rarely did I ever even ask for anything monetarily unless I was in a desperate way. In return I watched him poison my daughter's mind, coach her how to misbehave for me, and gaslight her about things that happened, convincing her that I was a liar and not to be trusted. When in January of this year, she threatened suicide while at school, I raced home from work while on the phone with him, attempting to get him to come to her side with me while talking with the crisis counselor. He refused and said that he couldn't leave work. So I got her into therapy. As the sessions went on, the therapist started trying to help my daughter and I mend the relationship between us. She then wanted to do "family" sessions with my ex as well.
Then covid hit. I'm an essential worker who drives a forklift in a food warehouse, he is a computer tech who got to work from home. So I made a decision to send her to stay with him for awhile to lessen her exposure. As it became apparent that this was not going to end anytime soon, I brought up wanting to see her in one of our "family" phone sessions. We started switching off weeks. When it came time for "summer break," my daughter expressed an interest in spending more time with me over the summer. She told her dad that she wanted to keep doing the every other week thing. He was pissed because he wanted her for the summer. He sent me an email requesting mediation. I told him that if he wanted it, he could pay because this arrangement was working for everyone, especially our daughter.
To make it clear, I was not surprised that he decided to submit a petition to court for mediation, what I WAS surprised about was the fact that I had missed the court date that awarded him custody... a court date that I never even knew about because I had NEVER recieved a summons or a notice. When confronted, my ex claimed to have proof that I received one. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly. I showed the papers to 4 different family/ friends I know who are cops or work in the court system and every last one of them said that it looks fishy as hell, but it's legit and he lawyered up, so I have to as well.
If this had happened pre-covid, I wouldn't be here writing this now. I had all the hours that I could have wanted to work to make the money that I would need to both survive AND pay for a lawyer. Now, I'm lucky to be able to afford the rent and eat, I can't even imagine WHERE I'm going to get the money for a lawyer, and knowing my ex he won't stop until he gets full custody, and somehow he'll find some poor soul to pay for it all because he has his whole entire life... jumping from person to person taking from them what he wants. I don't know how he does it.
Please help me. Don't let him take my daughter. I hate asking for help of any kind. I try to be strong, self sufficient. Never before in my life have I ever felt so desperate, I can't even find the words to explain this empty and numb type of agony that I feel typing this message out. Never have I been so terrified of losing anything the way that I am about losing my girl.
My daughter's life long companion, our dog Tas, died back in June. I told her that we'd get a puppy. She's been soooo excited about being able to pick out our new puppy. If you look at her picture, you will see the sadness behind the eyes on a day where they should have shown brighter than ever. Picking out our puppy was a bittersweet moment for the both of us as it happened the day AFTER I was served those papers and she knew that she was headed to go live with her dad. It should have been a happy moment, but he stole that from her.
I'm not a perfect mother by any stretch, I've got my faults and I've acted in ways that I'm not proud of... but it's killing me that just as our relationship is getting better with therapy, that she was ripped away. A friend was kind enough to loan me enough for the retainer fee to get the ball rolling on a vacate order motion, but after that money runs out, I'm left with nothing and nowhere to turn. Please, if you can even spare only a few dollars, I would be grateful. This is me, finally asking for help.
Help.
For nearly 6 years I've watched him job hop, and nearly right away I gave up the idea that child support was something that I would ever see. I've watched him go from house to house, living with his father in a one bedroom in downtown Chicago, to living with a girlfriend in her one bedroom, to getting a two bedroom condo with said girlfriend, to being kicked out and having to go back to living with his dad. All this time I never denied him time with our daughter, even when I knew that she was sleeping in a tent behind a bookcase in his father's living room. In fact, I gave him time with her above and beyond the court order, switching off holidays, giving him extended breaks, and letting him have her for the summer. Most of the time I had to drive her an hour and a half to the Metro station to drop her off with him. Never once did I ever try to get child support from him, and very rarely did I ever even ask for anything monetarily unless I was in a desperate way. In return I watched him poison my daughter's mind, coach her how to misbehave for me, and gaslight her about things that happened, convincing her that I was a liar and not to be trusted. When in January of this year, she threatened suicide while at school, I raced home from work while on the phone with him, attempting to get him to come to her side with me while talking with the crisis counselor. He refused and said that he couldn't leave work. So I got her into therapy. As the sessions went on, the therapist started trying to help my daughter and I mend the relationship between us. She then wanted to do "family" sessions with my ex as well.
Then covid hit. I'm an essential worker who drives a forklift in a food warehouse, he is a computer tech who got to work from home. So I made a decision to send her to stay with him for awhile to lessen her exposure. As it became apparent that this was not going to end anytime soon, I brought up wanting to see her in one of our "family" phone sessions. We started switching off weeks. When it came time for "summer break," my daughter expressed an interest in spending more time with me over the summer. She told her dad that she wanted to keep doing the every other week thing. He was pissed because he wanted her for the summer. He sent me an email requesting mediation. I told him that if he wanted it, he could pay because this arrangement was working for everyone, especially our daughter.
To make it clear, I was not surprised that he decided to submit a petition to court for mediation, what I WAS surprised about was the fact that I had missed the court date that awarded him custody... a court date that I never even knew about because I had NEVER recieved a summons or a notice. When confronted, my ex claimed to have proof that I received one. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly. I showed the papers to 4 different family/ friends I know who are cops or work in the court system and every last one of them said that it looks fishy as hell, but it's legit and he lawyered up, so I have to as well.
If this had happened pre-covid, I wouldn't be here writing this now. I had all the hours that I could have wanted to work to make the money that I would need to both survive AND pay for a lawyer. Now, I'm lucky to be able to afford the rent and eat, I can't even imagine WHERE I'm going to get the money for a lawyer, and knowing my ex he won't stop until he gets full custody, and somehow he'll find some poor soul to pay for it all because he has his whole entire life... jumping from person to person taking from them what he wants. I don't know how he does it.
Please help me. Don't let him take my daughter. I hate asking for help of any kind. I try to be strong, self sufficient. Never before in my life have I ever felt so desperate, I can't even find the words to explain this empty and numb type of agony that I feel typing this message out. Never have I been so terrified of losing anything the way that I am about losing my girl.
My daughter's life long companion, our dog Tas, died back in June. I told her that we'd get a puppy. She's been soooo excited about being able to pick out our new puppy. If you look at her picture, you will see the sadness behind the eyes on a day where they should have shown brighter than ever. Picking out our puppy was a bittersweet moment for the both of us as it happened the day AFTER I was served those papers and she knew that she was headed to go live with her dad. It should have been a happy moment, but he stole that from her.
I'm not a perfect mother by any stretch, I've got my faults and I've acted in ways that I'm not proud of... but it's killing me that just as our relationship is getting better with therapy, that she was ripped away. A friend was kind enough to loan me enough for the retainer fee to get the ball rolling on a vacate order motion, but after that money runs out, I'm left with nothing and nowhere to turn. Please, if you can even spare only a few dollars, I would be grateful. This is me, finally asking for help.
Help.
Organizer
Elizabeth Mathews
Organizer
Rock Falls, IL