We keep us safe. We are really all that we have.

The only Go Fund Me I have ever set up was for my mom's cancer treatment a few years back. Even though the final outcome was not what I had hoped for the support and outpouring of love, and yes, money too, that I had gotten through this platform was one of the most amazing and memorable experiences ever. There was a sense of a purpose there and, most of all, it wasn't for me. 

This one feels entirely different. This one is a very humbling lesson of asking for help and learning how to receive it. Something I struggled with most of my life. I am a giver. That is what I live for. That's what gives me Joy and sense of Fulfillment. It's much, much harder to be on the receiving end. But there comes a time in your life when you have to learn that too. And for me it's happening now.

Like for many of us, the past few months have been incredibly challenging. After a couple months of quarantining at home I had to start working again. Unemployment benefits was not an option for me because of my immigration status. Since, unfortunately, I do not have a car, I decided to put all the money I had at the time toward a car rental and started doing food deliveries so I could pay my rent. I've been doing that ever since, renting a car week to week, which, needless to say, pretty much ruined me financially. But I didn't have much choice because car meant work. So Peanut (my pup) and I have pretty much lived in a car the past few months. Between protests and different actions and being involved in the BLM Movement as much as possible, the only other thing we did was work.  And all the money we're making was going towards a car rental for the next week and rent and bills. The situation changed the beginning of this week when I found out I lost one of my jobs as I got (unfairly) deactivated from one of the food delivery companies I've been working for without even a chance to appeal. That left me with only the other one and it wasn't enough to make my rent.  Which brought me to where I am now, not able to pay my rent this month which is due on Monday. To add on, I got a notice just this morning from my roommate that I have a month to move out. So now in the midst of everything going on and looking for a new job I also have a month to find a new place for me and P to live or else we will be in the streets not only when we rally and fight for justice and liberation of black people and freedom for all.
I've been on my own ever since I moved out here to the states 7 years ago. My whole family is back in Poland and unfortunately cannot support me financially.
I do want to make something real clear here. As serious, one could say, as all of this looks or sounds, I am not going to let the economic injustices and the exploitation I've been experiencing at work, especially during the past few months, and all the unjust systems we're working on bringing down, dictate my life or determine my worth. I'll stay in these streets (like we all should) and demand better for everyone. I will continue to support black-led organizations (like we all should) and stand alongside our black brothers and sisters in the most important fight that there is, fight for freedom and liberation. We're moving through a very special moment in human history. A moment that calls on all our presence. We're ushering in a new world. So, the revolution happening in my personal life is not going to change my commitment to the Movement. If anything it will only deepen it. Because, as Janaya Future Khan says, we are married to the Movement. No matter what happens next, P and I will always be there for and with our family.

That all being said, I know it's not the best time to be asking for help. Most of us are struggling even more than I've been as we're moving through these trying times. I do hope and trust though that this message will reach whoever it is meant to. I know there's people out there who can and want to help. I know because I am one of them. Just this time around I'm having to be on the other side of the spectrum. But I believe there's a reason for that too.

I wasn't sure what amount to set up. Initially I thought I will just ask for whatever I need for rent. Having received the news this morning though I decided to extend it a little. Hopefully it will be enough not only to pay off the rent but also to have money for a new place and, who knows, maybe even be able to get a used car. All the while looking for a new job. 

If you're one of those people who can and is willing to help I'd so deeply appreciate it. Every little bit helps, truly. It would also mean the world to me if you could share this wide, it it feels good, so it reaches more people. All I know is we're all in this together. 

I want to end on this, and if you know me you know I'm saying it from the depths of my soul, I cannot wait to PAY IT FORWARD. 

Love to you all,

Aga and Peanut <3


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Aga Kadłubowska 
Los Angeles, CA

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