Hayden's Top Surgery (Chest Masculinization)

I've got a couple things to get off my chest.

It's my boobs. I want them gone.

I want to be able to swim again. I want to feel comfortable in tank tops and Summer clothing. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see myself and be confident.

Top surgery, or chest masculinization, means removing the breast tissue and creating a masculine chest. It is a surgery I have been saving up for but do not have the means for still. I've finally jumped through all the hoops; I've got my letters from my doctor and therapist, I'm set up with a surgeon at an office right in my home town, all I need is the money to make it happen.

This surgery would be incredible for my self-confidence. I will feel more like myself when I look in the mirror, and I will feel so much more physically free. I will be able to be comfortable in whatever clothes I want to wear, and when it's hot outside I will be able to wear a tank top without feeling mental and physical discomfort.

Above all else, this surgery will change the way that I carry myself. I will stand and walk with more confidence, my posture will improve, and I will literally breathe easier.

I wear a chest binder for 12 hours a day to hide my chest. It is a compression garment that restricts my chest and ribcage and makes me appear masculine. It's not comfortable, it's sweaty, it makes my back and shoulders hurt, and I wear it every single day for much longer than recommended. I can hardly look in the mirror without it on because my feminine chest feels so wrong. Binders are awful for swimming and get really uncomfortable when wet, are fairly obvious so I can't wear any white clothing or anything form-fitting, and in the Summer time sometimes the heat gets unbearable wearing it under my clothes. Without my binder, I wear all my shirts two or three sizes too big to hide my chest, and I'm usually in a baggy hoodie to hide my form.

My insurance only covers a portion of the surgery. Between the surgery bill and all the time off from work I'll have to take unpaid, I'm looking at a scary goal of around $10,000.

This feels impossible, and it's hard for me to reach out and ask for help, but I am scared that I need to get this done as soon as possible, and I have to admit I need help. With the rapid and unpredictable political changes happening right now, I'm worried my right to be myself could be stripped from me any day. I am going to make this happen.

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