To start, I've never done a GoFundMe. I have always had trouble asking for help and so many of you know that. But in this case, I'm giving it a try because it's just a tough time for us.

We really didn't know just how much end of life costs were and anything will help.

Back in June my 41 year old little brother, Harry unexpectedly passed away alone in his apartment in Boston.

We found out the day after Father's day. My dad hadn't heard from him and neither had I so we asked the Boston PD to do a wellness check. Then I got the call I will never forget for the rest of my life.

"I'm so sorry to tell you but Harry has passed. And it seems like it could have been a couple of days ago."

The absolute worst day of my life.

I fell to the floor in my garage and just lost it.

Why? How? How do I tell my Dad? How do I tell my kids? How do I tell my Aunt? How the hell do I hold it together for everyone else?

I just wanted to close my eyes and pray it was just a nightmare. That he'd show up or call and laugh and say, "Hol, I'm fine!"

My brother and best friend.

The only person in this world that knew me completely and always promised to be here for me.

My brother was a giver. Always a giver. He always worked hard and loved with his whole heart.

He was my shoulder to lean on and my safe space. I always felt better when I could see him in front of me. After losing our Mom in 2001, I felt the obligation to watch over him.

I will feel like I failed for the rest of my life.

Passing so young, he didn't have life insurance. We did look into it since someone told me that he had started one 10+ years ago with myself and my children as the beneficiaries. He was so proud to have been able to do that. But through the years money got really tough and his policy lapsed and is inactive. He ALWAYS had the best of intentions and his heart was always that of a giver.

We have been so blessed to have a friend pay the funeral home directly for his cremains so we were able to bring him home.

It's been over 4 months and it kills me every day. I literally still can't believe it's real.

Every day I imagine it's just a nightmare and he will just walk through the door smiling and cracking jokes. And give me a big hug.

Not only did my father lose his only son, me my only sibling, but my children lost their only uncle on my side that they had such fun memories with. He held the missing link to our childhood with my Mom when she was alive.

The hardest thing is telling your children that they won't be able to see Uncle Harry again after they ask innocently.

I don't want to keep putting this financial pressure on my Dad. He's been through a lot too.

Thank you and God bless anyone who finds it in their heart to help. I appreciate YOU and my main goal for the rest of my life is to be kind and thankful.