Hi everyone. It's really strange and overwhelming to find myself here as someone who really does not like to ask for help.

I fostered Blue from the Hawaiian Humane Society back in November 2013. He was heartworm positive at the time and required a foster home in order to go through the treatment. My (now) ex-husband and I inevitably decided to keep him after the treatment.

Blue had such a rough start to life. HHS had been trying to catch him for quite some time out in Waianae where he lived on the streets as a stray. They told stories of him possibly being a former hunting dog due to his breed (Whippet Mix) but possibly even a fighting dog; either way they believed that he was likely abused in some capacity due to the scars all over his body and the missing chunk out of his left ear. Despite his imperfections and imperfect past, he slowly warmed up to me and stopped fearing humans. For as much as he had been through, he has always been such a gentle soul and came around to trusting me to show his enormous propensity for affection towards people he feels safe with. He has helped me through the most emotionally turbulent of times and without a doubt is my soul dog.

Unfortunately, my ex-husband added to Blue's trauma and uncertainty towards humans by abusing him. My ex-husband would at times target Blue with anger and physical violence as a means to "get back at me."

Fortunately, although we had to withstand several years of domestic violence, I eventually was able to get myself and my two dogs out of that marriage and situation. And though it was difficult financially, I did whatever it took to ensure that I kept Blue alongside myself and my first dog, Paisley, no matter what.

Blue has lived a long, and for the most part (aside from his street days and the lows he experienced with my ex-husband), a good life. He was 3 when I adopted him, and he is now 14 going on 15. With that, he naturally has declined in health. Two years ago, it was simply a heart murmur and pancreatitis, but over time we added renal failure and Cushing's Disease to that list. Blue's renal failure has progressed stages; he is protein wasting despite the prescription diets and his quality of life is no longer optimal.

I have never lost my own pet before. This will be my first loss of an animal that I have spent so long with and one that I have to make the call on. It has been emotionally devastating during a time that is already difficult for me with the world in general and my own health problems (which have also been expensive, and that I require surgery for on August 29).

With my birthday on the 20th, college starting on the 25th, surgery on the 29th, and just all of the other day to day things...the time is not right, though if I am being honest, it would have never been. I love, and am so loved by Blue. His impending loss is, frankly, probably the most devastating thing on a personal level that I have ever encountered in almost 35 years of life.

I have come to the extremely hard decision to schedule an in-home euthanasia appointment for him on August 15th as I think we both know it is time. I would not say that he is suffering, but I cannot bear to watch him decline to that point. I love him so, so much, and my life is never going to be the same again without him, but I would rather be a week too early than a day too late.

I went into an extreme amount of debt due to my divorce from my ex-husband that I have never quite been able to recover from. Blue's chronic conditions have continuously added to the pile but it has never been a question in my mind to do what I could to help him. Now that we have reached the end, I guess that I am just asking for any little bit of help that I can get if it exists out there to make this any easier. The fee for in-home euthanasia alone is $1000 and I would really, really like to commemorate my boy with cremation jewelry that has a $1200 price tag. I rounded up to $3000 as a stretch goal to help offset some of the costs I have accumulated recently in trying desperately to get just another day with my boy, though I have to face reality now and accept that that time has come to an end.

If you have made it this far, thank you for reading. If you are able to donate, any little bit helps and I am so appreciative. If you cannot donate, I wholeheartedly understand considering the state of the world and the many other micro and macro level causes competing with my own, but if you could even just spare a share, it would be so helpful. Thank you.