Hey all, I hate asking for help. It’s not in my nature, but I’m forced once again to ask for it and hope for the best from good people and this world we live in. It hurts so much to ask for help.

I've tried to live my life well, be kind and have always worked hard. I’ve been a therapist and clinical social worker who dedicated himself to helping other people navigate the difficulties of this existence. I enjoyed my work, but have not been able to do that work since 2016.

My Crohn’s disease became unmanageable. I was forced to medically retire from my job and undergo surgery. What was supposed to be an 8-week recovery period turned into a year-long battle spent almost entirely in the hospital. From 2016 to 2019 I had eleven abdominal surgeries-seven of those within that first year.

My body was so decimated by illness and malnutrition from crohn's disease that I could never heal properly. I experienced one infection after another resulting in more surgeries and procedures. I've had to endure unimaginable pain and have even had to touch and clean my intestines when they popped out of my abdomen when a mesh placement failed. I’ve experienced sepsis six or seven times, have had drain pipes placed into my abdomen (one of the most painful procedures), had an ileostomy bag, experienced fistulas, kidney failure and unending pain for years. I have also been on IV antibiotics more than anyone should (one time for 48 continuous weeks while I also went nine months without food). I am a pro at colonoscopies with over 40 under my belt and an uncountable amount of CT scans.

Back when I had that initial surgery my sister started a fundraiser for me called I Hate My Brother’s Guts. At the time it helped me get through the transition of losing my job and going bankrupt and provided just enough of a bridge to allow me to save my home from foreclosure.

Since 2019 I’ve tried various medications and clinical trials to stop the progression of Crohn’s and the destruction it has had on my intestines. Unfortunately, nothing has worked and the disease slowly continued to degrade me physically and mentally. Having crohn's disease is a full time job in itself. It never stops and always throws some sort of complication into daily life. Going out can be difficult as it is often hard to find bathrooms or just endure the pain or dehydration that goes along with it.

I always try to approach my situation with the hope that one day I will find remission, but it hasn’t so far been in the cards for me. I saw recent progress in a clinical trial that combined two biologic auto-immune regulating drugs, but after the second dose of the medications I formed a fistula and an abscess grew within my abdomen. It was a slow burn. At first, I thought I had torn a muscle in my abdomen, but after a week my abdomen began swelling and I found out it was filling with blood and bacteria.

I was hospitalized for nine days and had to have an abdominal drain placed just a few short weeks ago. Initially, there was hope that the fistula might heal as it was slight and stool did not appear to be entering the abscess, but post-discharge the fistula opened back up and flooded the drain tube. I now require surgery to remove the diseased portion of my intestine and am living daily with the drain tube and having to manage the wound.

I’m terrified of what may happen when I go back in for surgery, but it is likely not to be avoided. Healing a fistula, basically, a hole in the intestine, without surgery is difficult and requires months of being on Parenteral Nutrition and a lot of good luck. The longer I go without any medication only progresses the disease further.

I ask for your help with this fundraiser as the medical bills are already starting to roll in. Home health care, hospitalization, ct scans, lab work, follow up visits, and a pending surgery add up quickly. I have been unable to work in any consistent capacity since the surgeries in 2016 and disability retirement just doesn’t cover the extra expenses that happen with chronic illness. I barely survive month to month without having additional medical expenses. It’s been real tough for me and my wife Heidi. This all happenned just a few months after we got married.

I often feel like a failure. I feel like I let people down. I feel disconnected from others and isolate often. My only real escape is music and a few close friendships. I try to learn music theory and spend a lot of time playing the mandolin, which has been an escape for me since I got sick. Despite all that I've endured I try to do good and be good. I try to be a supportive positive influence to people and will do whatever I can to be generally helpful. I’m happiest when I can be a good listener or help people find some hope again. I won't lie though, hope is hard to come by these days. I’m so scared of what can happen because I’ve already been through most of this before. I know how bad it can get. I've been doubting my ability to get through this all again. Your supportive messages help me get by as best I can.

I’m asking for help with bills, medical expenses, and to help me purchase groceries to keep my nutrition up by eating healthy food until I can have my surgery. I’m not going to approach this passively like I did last time. I know I need to prepare my body for the battle ahead and that I need to not feel stressed with financial concerns as I approach what awaits me. I have to have a positive mindset, find hope where I can, be around good people, and rest to fight another day.

Anything you can donate to this cause will help me go into this with a positive mindset. Hopefully, this will be a one-and-done surgery and I’ll be able to heal and find a medication that works to slow any further disease progression post-surgery. I want to be healthy so bad. I just want to work again, help people, and live a fulfilling life. Donate if you can and if you can’t send me a message of support. Send prayers. Send positive energy thoughts or love. I’m grateful to you all!