10/22/21

Friends, 

In case you didn't see the earlier update , while extremely painful, I want to inform you that Bartleby passed away early in the morning on October 2nd. I'm devastated by his loss.

For those who may not know, several friends of mine passed away in late spring and early summer. Then, my grandmother passed away. And now Bartleby, who has been by my side every day for the last sixteen years.

I am okay, by which I mean I'm grieving for Bartleby more intensely than I think I've ever felt in my life, which is proportionate to how much I love him and therefore seems like an emotionally reasonable and healthy response. However, what it means is that I won't be able to work at my normal pace (if at all) for several months. Therefore, I'm shifting the purpose of the fundraiser to be one that will help support me financially while I take a substantial amount of time to take care of my mental health. Sustaining so many losses in one year, and for one of them to be my baby boy, is beyond my capacity to work through.

I'll update the fundraiser story in more detail and explain exactly what it is supporting, along with the time period I plan to need it for, this Monday. I'm leaving the old story up as a tribute to Bartleby, and a reminder to myself in times of self doubt of how hard I fought for him.

Warm regards,

Jeeyon 

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Hi! I’m Jeeyon Shim. You might know me for my work as a game designer and outdoor educator; but more importantly, you might know me for how much I love my cat, my perfect prince, my beautiful big brave boy, my little spoon and little love, Bartleby. 

Last Friday I took Bartleby in to the emergency vet because he was listless and hadn’t eaten in a few days. On arrival he was triaged immediately for acute onset kidney damage, a life threatening escalation of a chronic condition, and hospitalized on the spot. I’m putting my project schedule - how I make the majority of my income - on hold until everything feels more stable and known, so that I can put my energy towards caring for Bartleby. He’s still in the woods and we need your help.

With healthcare, there are a lot of factors that can change a prognosis from guarded to good, including how much financial room you have to explore all available treatment options. In three days, the cost of Bartleby’s immediate care tipped over into almost three months’ worth of my income in a good quarter - and this is before I know what his at-home treatment plan will look like. If my regular vet recommends dialysis, the only treatment center is a two or three hour drive away, and the starting cost is about $10,000. Managing CKD at home is time and energy consuming, and costly. Since I’m decreasing my project output to care for him, I need to create a financial buffer for his medical expenses and our living costs until I have the energy to rally and get back to work, while continuing caring for him at home. 

I don’t know how to explain how much Bartleby means to me; but if you’ve known and loved an animal of your own, I don’t need to explain. I’ve had Bartleby since he was so small I could hold him in my cupped hand, when I was just barely old enough to be an adult myself. I’ve loved and lived with him for half my life. I am *determined* to fight for him with everything I’ve got. I want him to come home happy and healthy, with many months or years of politely interrupting my meals for a bite, charming everyone he meets, and demanding to be my little spoon every single bedtime ahead of us.

With this GoFundMe, I intend to avoid the heartbreaking circumstance of forgoing possible life extending treatments because I can’t afford them. This GoFundMe is going to run through multiple months, because I anticipate a lot of unexpected costs. And, if I have to take more time off creating crowdfunding projects than anticipated, this GoFundMe will also contribute to our shared living costs as well. The goal you see here isn’t even half of my lowest estimate for the next three months, but it is *just* enough to help me tread water until the new year. If dialysis becomes an option, the number will increase dramatically. I’m adaptable, resourceful, and hard working and I have confidence I can find the rest of what I need. I just need some help to shore up enough energy to give Bartleby the very best care.

I’m so moved by how much people I know, even people I’ve barely met, love Bartleby. There is something about loving an animal that is wholly expansive and good. Animals we care for see the best in us and they love us for exactly who we are, through all the changes and constants we embody for however long they’re with us; which means that in their eyes, we are our best selves exactly as we are. I think the love of some animals can make us feel like we live close to the best and most beautiful aspects of what it means to live in this world. That’s what Bartleby does for me. I hope that makes it clearer why I’m doing all of this for him, and I wish I could do more, I wish I could do everything. I love him so much. He’s seen me through my entire adulthood, all its hard times and all its joys. He’s been my steadfast companion for sixteen years of loving, happy days. I’m praying and fighting, with everything I have, to give him many, many more. I’d be honored if you helped fight for him, too.