Flash Gordon's Family

I’m not one to put me or my family’s business out in the street; however, I want to let the community know why we took so long to share the news of my father’s passing. I never would’ve imagined that my family would be dealing with the turmoil that all started on 1/13/2020. Since that day, my mother, my sister Noura, my dad, and I have been put through the ringer. Countless things have happened over the past year and 5 months. It’s like we’re living in the Twilight Zone. We’re peaceful people and we don’t bother anyone. So when my father left the rehab facility (following a hospital stay) with his eldest daughters, without most of his personal belongings, medications, and with no notification to me, my mother, or my sister Noura, my gut feeling was telling me that something was wrong. Something was off. Since then, my parents’ personal business, finances, and relationship have been scrutinized and nearly torn apart. They’ve been together over 47 years! My mom has been with dad since she was 22 years old. They had never been apart more than a week during their entire marriage. For the past few years, dad’s health had been declining – his body and his mind. It was then that he started making poor financial decisions, most of which he didn’t tell mom about. It wasn’t until he was in the care of his eldest daughters, that we learned about the loans he took out on the house and that he had given them power of attorney in 2018.  He would later tell me that he thought they could take better care of him because they were more well off than us. Unfortunately, the financial situation got so bad, that he reached out to them for help. I don’t know what all was said among them or what kind of agreement they had. What I do know, is that he thought he was going to be in a position to take care of his wife and make sure she was ok. He trusted them to help our family. He later told us he’d made a big mistake and wanted to reverse all the changes that were made while he was with them. By the time we all realized much of what had happened while he was in their care, it was too late to ethically make all of the changes he wanted because his mind would come and go. Dad entrusted them with things he later regretted. In my view, even if he knowingly added them as beneficiaries to his life insurance policies, he wouldn’t have made them the sole beneficiaries of both of them and excluded us. That’s a HUGE red flag for me. He & mom had been paying on those policies since before I was born, for over 40 years! But both policies were changed within the first 2 months of him staying with them. Mom was a beneficiary, and when me and Noura were born, he added us too. I think my older sister Camille was a beneficiary as well. Dad would’ve wanted all of us to be taken care of, them included. My mom even helped him pay child support decades ago, when more was required from him! Initially, I was under the impression, that they wanted nothing from him other than spend time with him. We would later learn that just about everything related to our family’s personal business and finances were changed in their favor. It’s like a bad Lifetime movie, except it’s our lives. When dad came home, he couldn’t specifically remember everything that changed, only that he wanted to reverse everything to the way he had it before. When I reflect on everything that’s happened over the past year and 5 months, I think about how they never even worked in the store or came around that often until he got older. I know dad wanted a better relationship with them because he would do things for them, but he didn’t even walk them down the aisle in their weddings and that wasn’t his choice. He would talk to them often on the phone these last few years and I thought it was great that they were getting closer. It’s odd to me that they would even concern themselves in business they never had a role in. I didn’t know the ins and outs of having power of attorney. I used to think it was mostly about medical decisions. I don’t even think dad understood everything he was agreeing to when he did that. Bottom line is, dad wanted to leave a legacy for all of us, especially his great grandchildren. Sadly, they have all of these changes in writing to back them up. On paper it looks legit. To me, it looks like something else. All of these changes to his personal affairs (that had been in place for decades), were made following his Dementia & Parkinson’s diagnoses (which both affect the brain) within the span of a few months of being in their care. It was so quick and it was never even brought up to include his wife in the conversations about making such changes. There’s nothing we can do about that for now. We were all traumatized last year and it hasn’t ended since his passing. My mother has been the most affected by this tragedy. I know this would break his heart. The day after I did the Channel 6 interview, his checking account that my mother was authorized to use was frozen. All of the transactions we made were reversed. That’s why we initially decided to do a Go Fund Me. We’re going to have to pay about $3,225, plus returned check fees because the debits were disputed by his eldest daughters. Now, before things get uglier, I want to set the record straight. We did nothing dad wouldn’t have approved of. Most likely our spending will be criticized, and I’m prepared for that as well. As a matter of fact, soon after he returned home, one of them made sure to send a certified letter to our house, their lawyer, and the judge involved, about transactions being made regarding his checking account that she didn’t authorize. This was around November of last year. It looked like the only thing that concerned them was his money and his marriage because they never mentioned his prostate cancer returning. The point is, we always took care of each other, and when they became involved, all of that changed. As of late, we’ve been learning more. Recently, my mom received a letter in the mail from the bank about a loan my dad took out without her knowledge that she is now responsible for. The total amount due is $9008.02, but the payoff balance is $4504.01. And I anticipate more letters will come. In all of my 40 years, we’ve all taken care of each other – me, Noura, mom, and dad. The 4 of us were closer than close. We were always together. There’s no way my father would knowingly leave us out here like this. That’s another reason why I’m sharing all of this information. Some might say, how could they not know this was going on? We knew some things, but there were major decisions he made without mom’s knowledge. She gave him her life’s savings a couple years ago to try to make up for some of the things he was doing. We still aren’t sure where all of the money went that she gave him. Me and Noura can only do so much. I was let go from my previous job last year when COVID first hit and didn’t find work until November of last year. Noura was locked out of the shop much of last year and also struggled to make ends meet. But we all made it. And when dad got home, he intended to set everything straight, but it didn’t work out that way. It’s infuriating, and that feeling was foreign to me prior to 1/13/2020. It feels like a relentless attack that I can’t comprehend because we did nothing to deserve this. This is why we stayed quiet. After hit after hit after hit, we wanted some peace! I also wanted to find out what happened to my father because I truly believe he should still be here. Towards the end, he acknowledged the Parkinson’s and Dementia, but he never mentioned the cancer. I later learned that his cancer returned last year sometime, but didn’t find out until February of this year when he was placed on hospice care. His eldest daughters knew the whole time and didn’t tell us! He only had one radiation treatment last year while he was with them and I still don’t know why. Why make changes to his personal business that involved his immediate family after he’s diagnosed with illnesses that affected his mind? I’m not sure if he knew or not about his prostate cancer returning and metastasizing. Me and dad talked about him living into his 90’s, so I know he wanted to live, which makes it hurt even worse. Dad kept telling us everything was going to be ok and he would make sure mom would be taken care of. Tragically, some days he was lucid, and some days he wasn’t. That’s why I said we couldn’t ethically or morally for that matter, do much that last few months of his life. He did what he could, while he was able. I took down the posted recording of one of me and dad’s conversations, where he was telling me how he was mistreated. It’s painful to listen to. He told me not to have harsh thoughts and feelings towards them because it wouldn’t do any good. He said they couldn’t run from it and it would play on their minds. Last weekend, they held a memorial for him. All of the pictures in their booklet were of them with him in his later years. No pictures of him at the shop, the radio station, church, with celebrities, us, etc. We're planning a private memorial that will be held this summer. We have pictures of them with dad that we’ll share in our booklet because that’s what he would’ve wanted. In spite of all the drama that’s gone on, I’ve forgiven them. It’s one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make in my life. Sometimes, I want to take it back. Then, I remember what he told me and remind myself that that’s not how my parents raised me. Again, I’ve shared all of this because I know people feel some type of way about us keeping his passing a secret. I understand. Hopefully, people will understand why, now that I’ve spoken my truth. I wanted answers that I still haven’t gotten. The saying, “actions speak louder than words” has a whole new meaning to me. It’s all so tragic. There’s so much more to the story, I could write a book! As a result of all that’s transpired, we’re financially drowning due to much of the changes that were made while he was with them, and this is our last resort until everything is settled in court. We’re trying to catch up on everything. This will help us (me and Noura), help mom. We appreciate whatever y’all can give. We're planning a private memorial in the summer, and plan to celebrate his life with our community soon. Thank you for always showing my parents love and for supporting Pyramid Music for over 40 years!