Friends,

I'm really really struggling right now...it's taken me every ounce of anything I have to write this. Bear with me. I honestly don't know what to write, but ya'll know it's gonna be involuntarily extra... Please just give me a few minutes. There's not much editing I can do to shorten a lifetime of madness lol, but here goes. - I'm asking for a chance. Feel free to not read this in it's entirety, I'm just ask for a donation, anything.

Current situation: I'm on the absolute verge of my landlord following through with an eviction. My 14 day notice is already up. I've fallen so far behind; the honest truth, it was never an even playing field. Most of you guys know a bit about me, but nearly all, only surface-level. Early misfortunes have defined the majority of my life, and I've always pushed through with character you guys know. But I can no longer not ask for help. So here is my story...

I'm adopted, not the biggest spoiler...but also a double.../triple orphan. Lol, I know...good grief, who does this happen to. Coming from Korea as a baby, I was blessed with a second chance. Growing up school was as imaged for a "minority", and I suppose gay and adopted were constellation prizes! I prevailed. Best believe I'm taking "Best Dressed" to the grave. To all whom voted (and Hair); Thank you <3.

Meanwhile... Back on the Ranch: I was 12 when my adoptive Mom passed. Looking back, it was so much more than that, even the way in which she passed. I recognized a few months ago during therapy the significance of the situation. Principally, we lose our beloveds' to terrible ailments like cancer or alzheimer's, and vehicle accidents...

My Mom lefts us peacefully from the coma she couldn't overcome, 2 weeks in. Truthfully, I think I've endured so much it never dawned how specific of a circumstance. Lenda was a Type-2 diabetic, apparently there were complications during dialysis. Heart failure is what we were told - nothing was clarified. We did no autopsy.

We left her in peace (no pun) I joke, because I overcome...

Nevertheless, overcoming doesn't fade the memories, always remaining; to light we have PTSD, the true PTSD. Lenda was my world.

Survived by my (adoptive) Dad - no the most equipped to raise a know-it-all only child. Intense arguments, yelling, verbal abuse - on both sides, emotional scarring; imminent. Within the next couple years, I would come to find a new(er) family. By means of getting auctioned at church lol, by my Oma, Lenda's Mom. Good ole sturdy German.

Conquers through both love and fear, Amen!

The literal manifestation of Judge Judy with spitting image.

My rock, or so I thought...Ultimately being disowned for being one of those damn homo-sexuals -_- Can't shake em, spreadin' like wild-fire!

So...professionally I've been grinding since 14, and self-supportive at 17.

I have no family support, when I say zero, this is a legitimate 0, no immediate family member, or even a whisper of a cousin. None.

Oma cut communitations to the third degree, no unlces, aunts, extended family.

What happened to the church family? :

Estranged going on a decade. Totally openly gay with them from the start, not an ounce of homophobia. Deb was/is my Mom. It kills me every day we can't heal things, we've absolutely tried, but at this point in her life, she's had more than her share of misfortunes even after retirement. Tim, her husband, had a series of strokes several years ago...as if that wasn't bad enough, he later developed Stage-4 Lung Cancer... He required rehab and a walker - couldn't form words after the strokes. He fought so hard, ex-military, Sargent First-Class. First man to get a college degree from his family. Health nut. Gym rat.

Embody Westley Snipes this round, again no cap*.

He passed peacefully in hospice about 7 years ago.

Deb deserves to live how she wants, a school teacher of 30+ years, I doubt she's passed, too stubborn. (Think Vicki - from the OG Housewives of Orange County, but all-natural and compassionate)

When she passes, there is nothing left.

My life will end & begin that very moment. I am asking for your help to make sure I'll be okay when that happens. I just want a chance.

Most of you are my classmates, co-workers, gays, ride-or-dies', club crew, all the above. I'm am honored to ACTUALLY know all of you beyond a superficial level - for the most part, a solid 70%, so many people cannot take pride in such a gift.

For those of you who know me, you can honestly say I easily connect and relate to nearly anyone I met. I genuinely love working in the service industry, I do, because of this. Life has given me empathy beyond belief, an absolute blessing and curse; but I can only do so much.

Depression+Seasonal Depression:

From late December - February, I never left the house, not once. I bathed a handful of times. I woke up, ate enough to feel sleepy, and rolled back over. I wish this upon no one.

In result - of extremely slow business the restaurant, hours being cut and replacing us with family members to cut labor - understandable.

Got a second job during this, 11 hr days, slinging Pho 10am-9pm. I used a rental throughout this second job, sold my car 2 years ago, I was moving to Philly as some of you know, but some gay be crazy af. The rental was no longer viable, and public transit in my area (very south of Seattle) is non-existent. No car. No job. No money. Little to no support, and the emotionally abusive gaslighting ex was absolutely out of the question.

After reading my bio...it's not always a "Pick yourself up", "Get back on the horse", kinda deal, it doesn't always work that way, you can't even begin to comprehend, and those who do - remain strong for You.

Finances:

I filed for unemployment. They base it on your prior years' earnings...I had TWO employers not report ANY income to the State...a Chinese owned business...and a wealthy old white man that opened a Tapas restaurant because he's greedy af and bored...go figure.

They said I didn't qualify because of my earnings...so the state reaches out to them...not a word. I'm in the middle of an appeal, and it's not looking in my favor. The appeal isn't even for the actual proof of income, another blockade of why didn't I appeal for a appeal earlier...I mean honestly, wtf...you're not even gaurenteed to pay me, and now this... Our government hands out unemployment like its candy, and this is what I get stuck with?!?!?!??

I'm finally asking for help, I'm telling the whole story, it's not that I don't care, or I'm lazy - or I'm a brat asking for help because Mommy and Daddy cut me off... I sit here crying because I so desperately wish one of those were true...

(To my East Coasters, I moved West during the pandemic. These folk are a biiiit different, networking was not my priority. Hence, I didn't receive a penny from DC unemployment during the pandemic, I mailed all documentation and my caseworker went 100% MIA (feel free to ask for documentation lol), so I moved out here and worked at Amazon for 2/3 years. Restaurants were obviously closed. Being freshly out of state, I couldn't claim WA unemployment...my luck. I swear. Smh.)

Out of The Gate:

I was just hired with a catering company. It's in Gig Harbor, a 30 min drive; Sniffin's Catering, they're legit. Mentally I'm pretty much back to me, anti's, cooking, organized apartment. I can't lose this job I haven't even started yet, they know my decades of experience, as most of you know how I work, I love ya'll. My work family is everything to me, and I'm am overcome with emotion we all remain into loving relation. I just need help from everyone, the only village I have.

Yes, it seems unfair; why help him, donate all this money to Justin...?

If you know me, you then you KNOW me. Ya'll know I don't sugarcoat much lol, and I understand my life story and circumstances are no responsibility of your own.

Please just know, this is my story. And I'm hopeful you'll help the guy that really needs it. I love all of you.

Forever,

- J

P.S. Through the many 'Loves and Likes' you've given me on Facebook, it is the only reason I have the courage to post this.

(I have not a clue how I wrote this sober. Facts.)