It's taken me a while to try to find the right words for this. I struggle to ask for help. I always have. I'm usually the one that does the helping. Asking for help is a new concept. On November 20th, my sister Heidi had a stroke. While writing this today, she was admitted to the hospital for the second time in less than two weeks with what appears to be a second stroke. My heart is breaking for her and for all the ways I am left feeling so incredibly helpless.

I remember the moment those words first flashed across my screen. A message from my niece: "Mom had a stroke this morning." I stopped breathing. I'm not sure how long I held my breath. It wasn't until the words later came that she was alert and seemingly going to be okay that I could let out a sigh of relief.

By all accounts, neither one of our lives has exactly been easy, but hers has been marred by repeated health concerns. Diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as an adult was the first of many. For years, she has struggled to regulate her sugars with little help from doctors who can't seem to understand why. She has repeatedly been hospitalized due to ketoacidosis, a dangerous medical condition where the body doesn't properly utilize glucose and toxic levels of ketones make their way into the bloodstream. She has suffered too many kidney infections to count (a common side effect of uncontrolled sugars). There have been many days the family has run to check on her when the phone goes silent for too long, worrying that her sugars have gotten too high or too low and she has fallen into a diabetic coma. The complications have been far too many for me to even recall. More hospitalizations, more time to recover, more time away from work.

In addition to her struggles with diabetes, over the last five years, she's had unexplained stomach issues, and most recently, she's been diagnosed with chronic heart failure. Her organs are desperately trying to keep up with her body's struggle, and the reality is, they are failing. She needs help.

My sister had a stroke... Typing those words still brings a flood of emotions. I blamed myself for not helping more. What could I have done to help prevent this? It was only when I finally saw her with my own eyes and could let out a sigh of relief that my mind started racing to what's next. She just started a new job. What is going to happen? How is she going to have time to recover? There's no way she can work even if she wanted to. The worry, the stress... I know it does more to the body than we can even imagine. I know how much she struggles to carry it all. How does one recover when they don't have time to rest? Her body is physically exhausted. She's struggling to just stay awake at times. Her balance is off, her brain is desperately trying to recover from the fog. And now the possibility of another one. Where do we even go from here?

For her entire life, my sister has tried to do it all on her own. Despite this (or maybe because of this), she has always put the needs of others before her own. She would give her last dollar to anyone in need. She HAS given her last dollar to those in need. She gives of herself to the point of exhaustion, always believing in helping others even at her own expense. In the hospital, I watched as she came in and out of the heavy fog and endless exhaustion, as the nurses poked and prodded her as they made the rounds. Without fail, she always had a kind word for all of them. I sat there and thought we could all learn a thing or two from her. A kind soul that continues to give even at her lowest point.

They say you can have 1,000 problems until you have a problem with your health. Then you only have one problem. Anyone that has dealt with long-term illness or chronic pain knows this. It's nearly impossible to keep up with daily tasks, forget the expenses of your basic needs. How do you give someone the gift of health? I know I can't do that, but what I can do is try to help alleviate some of the burden that comes with this life so that she can rest, so that she can take a break from the perpetual hamster wheel of making ends meet and simply BE. I know it's not a permanent solution, but it's the only thing I have to give right now. To give her body the opportunity to simply rest would be the greatest gift of all.

Today, I am setting aside my pride and asking for help. I know my sister may never be able to work a full-time job again. The financial strain that comes with long-term illness is never-ending, and the emotional toll it takes is heartbreaking to watch. I'm setting this up for those that would like to help, for anyone that has been touched by her kindness over the years, and for those who know what it's like to struggle and simply want to help ease that burden for someone in need. I'd like to give her the gift of rest that only comes when the weight of your worries can finally be set aside for a while. I am hopeful that together we can provide her with a small safety net so that she doesn't lose everything while she tries to recover.

I know there are some of you who will never understand this struggle. I know there are those who have never had to battle against the limitations of their own body or mind, never had to deal with an unexplained illness, chronic pain, or watched a loved one go through it. I hope you know how lucky you are. I hope you know what a gift that is, and I hope, if nothing else, you are so thankful for it.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for reading this, for sharing it, and for your support❤️

With love and gratitude,

Danielle