Tonight Booker landed in the ER. He had been doing so well, I feel like we finally got a pill regimen that was working. But tonight a one off happened. One of his medications is in a capsule and it contains a bitter tasting powder. He usually swallows his pills whole but this evening he decided to chew and the capsule broke leading to him potentially inhaling the powder. Blood tests will show if he inhaled the powder or if he later inhaled vomit that the powder caused about 30 minutes later.

I knew something was wrong when he greeted me at the door after work. He usually bounces and spins in circles. Tonight he moved much more slowly. About an hour later he seemed to be breathing more rapidly than usual. I decided to take him to the ER. Even in the waiting room I never imagined what was to come. He wandered around and sniffed everything. I thought he would just need more antibiotics. But an hour later the doctor came to tell me his oxygen saturation was dropping into the 80s and he needed support.

We talked about causes and the whys. And there are some chronic problems that could have caused this or it was just the chance of pill breaking. She was leaning toward him inhaling a significant amount of vomit based on the timing and what she is hearing in his lungs. But the only way to know for sure is to look at X-rays and bloodwork.

The other option was to say goodbye on the spot. I know that’s the choice some people would have made. Maybe most people. But I couldn’t do it without at least knowing WHY. He is the reason I get up in the morning and I didn’t think I could live with my choice without knowing for sure it was the right decision.

I decided to do the tests and give him 24hrs to show improvement. It’s not a lot but it was the low estimate and what I thought I could make peace about in the event this turns out to be the worst case scenario. But I won’t lie, even the low estimate put me in financial constraints. I am very aware that tomorrow I may have to pay for euthanasia anyway. So I am humbly asking for help. If you know me you know that’s not easy for me. I much prefer to be the helper. But I’m hoping some cosmic luck can help my boy. That some cosmic luck can help me.

I don’t know what his tests will show. I don’t know if he’ll even pull through this. But he deserves a chance.