Getting Octavia to the Finish Line!
Donation protected
A Little About Me
Hi Beautiful People! My name is Octavia, and I have been diagnosed with Conversion Disorder also known as TMS. I experience Chronic Pain, Migraines and Vertigo that debilitates me from performing day to day tasks. I require caregivers and physical support to get through my day. I was bed bound for over a year, paralyzed and at one point completely blind. Recently I've been making lots of successes with Physical Exposure Therapy my doctor has helped me with, but require financial support to continue this journey and get me to the finish line.
Current financial needs
1. Caregivers as I regain independence
2. Medical Expenses
3. Pain psychology therapy
5. Transportation expenses
6. Basic needs
7. Physical exposure therapy
What is Conversion Disorder?
Conversion Disorder is a mental condition in which a person has blindness, paralysis, or other nervous systems (neurologic) symptoms that cannot be explained by medical evaluation.
My Story
My name is Octavia and I went through a mind/body disorder and was such a severe case that it took me completely away from the world I was living and thrust me into a different world. A world trapped in my mind and my body. So whatever you believe in, whether you believe in souls, God, aliens or nothing, let me tell you, there is something inside of all of us that exists to get you through anything. Alright, ready? Here we go: -I am an empath. If you hurt and you’re next to me, even if I don’t know you, I feel it too, physically and emotionally. I feel other's grief, joy & love as if it were my very own as well.
-2013
I was suddenly hit with “General Anxiety Disorder” and my reaction was "WHAT IS THIS!??!" I had never experienced this emotion ALL THE TIME, so I stopped being able to sleep but kept living my very hectic life as an Executive at a homeless services agency.
-2015
My oldest brother Eric became quadriplegic after a bicycle accident and my middle brother, Damien, got into a fatal car accident only 3 months after Eric’s accident.
-August 2017 My parents sat me down and told me Eric was going to Switzerland for assisted suicide. They ONLY do this for those who are suffering so severely and are already losing their life. So my parents had to sit me down to tell me, and as the unbearable pain started rising in my chest, my heart and brain said NO!! ENOUGH!
-August 2017-Nov. 2017
My anxiety increased, so I worked more, I worked OUT more, I took on any and all projects because I was trying to escape the pain. Going to the fitness studios I worked at were the only moments of joy for me and I started to notice my health declining!
-October 2017
I got the flu, I started getting tension headaches, went to the doc and he said “here’s some Motrin” you have a thyroid problem, you’re fine. So I kept working but I looked different too, I lost a lot of weight, hair and I didn’t recognize myself. My hearing would go in and out, I started blacking out at night started getting my first migraines, started losing cognitive function. Went to the ER, where they gave me meds which made me worse, then I could barely move. Thanksgiving 2017 was the last time I could teach and shortly after I started crawling to get around my house.
-Dec 2017
after pushing through every test available and many doctor appointments, I was rapidly losing function and was told by a neurologist I had fibromyalgia. I started losing my hearing, ability to swallow, getting nerve pain in my legs, my vision started going, constant panic/vertigo attacks & lost my ability to speak and walk.
-March 2018
I had my first non epileptic seizure episode and I live on my own, am single, and my 70 year old mother who just lost her 2 sons was suffering so much, it was too much to take on her own. At this point, I was now in a diaper cause I was completely paralyzed. The day after the seizure episode, I lost everything so I called 911 and I was in the hospital for 7 days. Then I was constantly blacking out and spasming and every test I took kept pushing my mind and body past my capacity, and I could not sleep at all for even a little escape. That’s when I was diagnosed with Conversion Disorder and they sent me home without explaining to me what that was or offering a treatment plan.
-I had to survive. So eat, how? I taught myself by counting bites. I refused to not move even though the pain hurt, so I had a bathroom in my room so I could practice sitting up. I was still blind for 3 months until I decided, no more, and I took off the shades and forced my eyes to look at what was around me, even though it was painful and I could not make out images. I had no control of my thoughts so my mind was stuck on a Doomsday tape that would never stop, so I slowly started to send in words like “hope, love” but only in breath. Day in and day out, I said to myself every night “Thank you for my life, thank you for everything and everyone in my life, I send love to every part of me and to everybody in the world."
-In the months that followed I managed to gain enough eyesight to read, even with my head exploding, chronic vertigo, not able to move and chronic nerve pain. I won’t go into too much detail, but I had relapses out of nowhere, I had some doctors who tried with meds that made me worse and every day I woke up and fought hard to survive. I remember the first time I saw my mom’s face, the first time I felt some parts of my skin since my body went completely numb, even my teeth! I turned 35, and I kept fighting, waiting for the pain and movement to return so I could get OUT OF MY ROOM!
-May 2019
I had another seizure and went into shock from pain (I took absolutely no pain killers this entire time and still don’t, they wouldn’t have worked any way) I decided to stop fighting. Not give up, but stop fighting, but let go and wait and see if my body would regulate on her own. That may have been the bravest thing I ever did in my life, but it did not work
-May 2019 A functional medicine doctor came to try and help with more supplements in iv drips, but it actually made me worse and started me on my 1st anti-depressant to try and lower my cortisol, which also made me worse.
-June 2019
My body shut down, once again and now I prayed harder, I talked to the universe more, and the only message that I kept holding onto was “I’m safe.”
-Sept. 2019
A new doctor was coming. In one day, he knew exactly what to do, put me on a simple med to calm my system (WHY DID THEY NOT DO THIS 2 YEARS AGO?!!?) and he stood me up for the 1st time in 20 months and wow! (at this point my room has blackout curtains and my parents had soundproofed my house to try and help alleviate my hyperacusis)
-Sept. 20th My Dr. held onto me as I took my 1st steps outside. I also had a neuropsychologist who said my nervous system was causing this, the physical is so real but your nervous system is causing this so get up and use the other bathroom. So I went to the bathroom, again and again, and again. Now get in that shower, again and again.
-Oct. 2019
I could use my phone a little. THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!!!! I could contact my friends!!!! And found an online support group that has helped me push the boundaries and gain so much more knowledge on what is happening to me along with free coaching!
-Nov. 2019
My new philosophy towards pain: tell your brain who is actually in charge, show yourself by moving and doing, remind myself my body is perfect and I can get your life back no matter what. So I have nothing to be afraid of because my pain is actually my brain trying to protect me because life became too much so it shut me down. So there it is.
-There is more to the story, more I could go into detail about, but IT DOESN’t matter because it’s in the past. Yes, I feel things, yes there’s stuff going on, but my body is perfect, the only thing that exists in my life is love and it comes from within and connects us all! Writing this is hard, writing this brought up fear, but it’s just a feeling, it’s not forever. You are safe, I am safe, what we feel is safe, breathe, what we think is safe no matter what, everything is temporary! EVERYTHING is temporary. You are perfect, I am perfect, we are perfect, you deserve love, I deserve my life back and sometimes we have to work our butts off to get there but who cares, it’s worth it! I have a purpose greater than I thought for myself, so I will join the movement to help everybody with these syndromes when I am fully recovered and be there for anybody who needs it and yes, I will teach again and be a mom, and dance, and travel, but this time, everything will be another first, I get another chance, I GET ANOTHER CHANCE. Alright my sweet angel friends, bad ass riders, exes, strangers, acquaintances, or whoever reads this, I GIVE YOU LOVE. “If you could write the story of your life, what would it be?” I’ll see you so soon. I am here. Xo Octavia Clio Sisley
Hi Beautiful People! My name is Octavia, and I have been diagnosed with Conversion Disorder also known as TMS. I experience Chronic Pain, Migraines and Vertigo that debilitates me from performing day to day tasks. I require caregivers and physical support to get through my day. I was bed bound for over a year, paralyzed and at one point completely blind. Recently I've been making lots of successes with Physical Exposure Therapy my doctor has helped me with, but require financial support to continue this journey and get me to the finish line.
Current financial needs
1. Caregivers as I regain independence
2. Medical Expenses
3. Pain psychology therapy
5. Transportation expenses
6. Basic needs
7. Physical exposure therapy
What is Conversion Disorder?
Conversion Disorder is a mental condition in which a person has blindness, paralysis, or other nervous systems (neurologic) symptoms that cannot be explained by medical evaluation.
My Story
My name is Octavia and I went through a mind/body disorder and was such a severe case that it took me completely away from the world I was living and thrust me into a different world. A world trapped in my mind and my body. So whatever you believe in, whether you believe in souls, God, aliens or nothing, let me tell you, there is something inside of all of us that exists to get you through anything. Alright, ready? Here we go: -I am an empath. If you hurt and you’re next to me, even if I don’t know you, I feel it too, physically and emotionally. I feel other's grief, joy & love as if it were my very own as well.
-2013
I was suddenly hit with “General Anxiety Disorder” and my reaction was "WHAT IS THIS!??!" I had never experienced this emotion ALL THE TIME, so I stopped being able to sleep but kept living my very hectic life as an Executive at a homeless services agency.
-2015
My oldest brother Eric became quadriplegic after a bicycle accident and my middle brother, Damien, got into a fatal car accident only 3 months after Eric’s accident.
-August 2017 My parents sat me down and told me Eric was going to Switzerland for assisted suicide. They ONLY do this for those who are suffering so severely and are already losing their life. So my parents had to sit me down to tell me, and as the unbearable pain started rising in my chest, my heart and brain said NO!! ENOUGH!
-August 2017-Nov. 2017
My anxiety increased, so I worked more, I worked OUT more, I took on any and all projects because I was trying to escape the pain. Going to the fitness studios I worked at were the only moments of joy for me and I started to notice my health declining!
-October 2017
I got the flu, I started getting tension headaches, went to the doc and he said “here’s some Motrin” you have a thyroid problem, you’re fine. So I kept working but I looked different too, I lost a lot of weight, hair and I didn’t recognize myself. My hearing would go in and out, I started blacking out at night started getting my first migraines, started losing cognitive function. Went to the ER, where they gave me meds which made me worse, then I could barely move. Thanksgiving 2017 was the last time I could teach and shortly after I started crawling to get around my house.
-Dec 2017
after pushing through every test available and many doctor appointments, I was rapidly losing function and was told by a neurologist I had fibromyalgia. I started losing my hearing, ability to swallow, getting nerve pain in my legs, my vision started going, constant panic/vertigo attacks & lost my ability to speak and walk.
-March 2018
I had my first non epileptic seizure episode and I live on my own, am single, and my 70 year old mother who just lost her 2 sons was suffering so much, it was too much to take on her own. At this point, I was now in a diaper cause I was completely paralyzed. The day after the seizure episode, I lost everything so I called 911 and I was in the hospital for 7 days. Then I was constantly blacking out and spasming and every test I took kept pushing my mind and body past my capacity, and I could not sleep at all for even a little escape. That’s when I was diagnosed with Conversion Disorder and they sent me home without explaining to me what that was or offering a treatment plan.
-I had to survive. So eat, how? I taught myself by counting bites. I refused to not move even though the pain hurt, so I had a bathroom in my room so I could practice sitting up. I was still blind for 3 months until I decided, no more, and I took off the shades and forced my eyes to look at what was around me, even though it was painful and I could not make out images. I had no control of my thoughts so my mind was stuck on a Doomsday tape that would never stop, so I slowly started to send in words like “hope, love” but only in breath. Day in and day out, I said to myself every night “Thank you for my life, thank you for everything and everyone in my life, I send love to every part of me and to everybody in the world."
-In the months that followed I managed to gain enough eyesight to read, even with my head exploding, chronic vertigo, not able to move and chronic nerve pain. I won’t go into too much detail, but I had relapses out of nowhere, I had some doctors who tried with meds that made me worse and every day I woke up and fought hard to survive. I remember the first time I saw my mom’s face, the first time I felt some parts of my skin since my body went completely numb, even my teeth! I turned 35, and I kept fighting, waiting for the pain and movement to return so I could get OUT OF MY ROOM!
-May 2019
I had another seizure and went into shock from pain (I took absolutely no pain killers this entire time and still don’t, they wouldn’t have worked any way) I decided to stop fighting. Not give up, but stop fighting, but let go and wait and see if my body would regulate on her own. That may have been the bravest thing I ever did in my life, but it did not work
-May 2019 A functional medicine doctor came to try and help with more supplements in iv drips, but it actually made me worse and started me on my 1st anti-depressant to try and lower my cortisol, which also made me worse.
-June 2019
My body shut down, once again and now I prayed harder, I talked to the universe more, and the only message that I kept holding onto was “I’m safe.”
-Sept. 2019
A new doctor was coming. In one day, he knew exactly what to do, put me on a simple med to calm my system (WHY DID THEY NOT DO THIS 2 YEARS AGO?!!?) and he stood me up for the 1st time in 20 months and wow! (at this point my room has blackout curtains and my parents had soundproofed my house to try and help alleviate my hyperacusis)
-Sept. 20th My Dr. held onto me as I took my 1st steps outside. I also had a neuropsychologist who said my nervous system was causing this, the physical is so real but your nervous system is causing this so get up and use the other bathroom. So I went to the bathroom, again and again, and again. Now get in that shower, again and again.
-Oct. 2019
I could use my phone a little. THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!!!! I could contact my friends!!!! And found an online support group that has helped me push the boundaries and gain so much more knowledge on what is happening to me along with free coaching!
-Nov. 2019
My new philosophy towards pain: tell your brain who is actually in charge, show yourself by moving and doing, remind myself my body is perfect and I can get your life back no matter what. So I have nothing to be afraid of because my pain is actually my brain trying to protect me because life became too much so it shut me down. So there it is.
-There is more to the story, more I could go into detail about, but IT DOESN’t matter because it’s in the past. Yes, I feel things, yes there’s stuff going on, but my body is perfect, the only thing that exists in my life is love and it comes from within and connects us all! Writing this is hard, writing this brought up fear, but it’s just a feeling, it’s not forever. You are safe, I am safe, what we feel is safe, breathe, what we think is safe no matter what, everything is temporary! EVERYTHING is temporary. You are perfect, I am perfect, we are perfect, you deserve love, I deserve my life back and sometimes we have to work our butts off to get there but who cares, it’s worth it! I have a purpose greater than I thought for myself, so I will join the movement to help everybody with these syndromes when I am fully recovered and be there for anybody who needs it and yes, I will teach again and be a mom, and dance, and travel, but this time, everything will be another first, I get another chance, I GET ANOTHER CHANCE. Alright my sweet angel friends, bad ass riders, exes, strangers, acquaintances, or whoever reads this, I GIVE YOU LOVE. “If you could write the story of your life, what would it be?” I’ll see you so soon. I am here. Xo Octavia Clio Sisley
Organizer
Octavia Sisley
Organizer
Los Angeles, CA