Hey there, I'm Raf, an unsavoury character if ever there was one!

For years now I've been battling with ever worsening mental health, trying to run an underground label for heavy metal, finishing a PhD in philosophy and surviving the pandemic. During that time I started a small youtube channel where I mostly talk about fantasy and science-fiction literature and some adjacent topics. That channel has been a bit of a lifeline for the last years, giving me structure and something positive to work towards when things were dark. And dark they were and darker they got last year. During last Summer I did very much hit a wall mentally, ran out of all energy and for a while stopped communicating with anyone, opening mail, paying bills and generally functioning as an adult human being. Since then I've slowly dug my way out of this hole, slowly gotten better and am hopeful for a more structured future where I can at least exist in a sustainable way. Unfortunately however there is still baggage from last year's breakdown in the form of unpaid bills that have only grown with additional fees and trouble over that year. The knowledge of that debt and the awareness that I have to face up to it has been a constant drag on my mental health for almost a year now and the fact that I can't for the moment, pay it out of my own pocket has not improved things. Unfortunately I am not only struggling with depression but also with ADHD and - well - I'm blind. All that makes it very difficult to find the kind of job that would allow me to make a couple thousand bucks quick to pay off everything. So I am now asking you for help with this, to have a fresh start, catch a break and give me the chance to focus on the future instead of constantly being held back by the past. My debts are around 6000€ and I do have a little cash left so I'm asking for half that in the beginning and should your generosity stretch beyond that it'll alow me to put the rest of my own money towards the kinds of things I need to get my life back in order. But that's not all: Because I always feel bad for asking for money I have decided to do a new series of videos talking about Iain M. Bank's The Culture series of novels. I've been a fan of the books for a long time and their topic setting of a post-scarcity society feels pertinent to my current situation. I'll work on making this a rewarding discussion of the themes Banks covers in his novels as a small thank you for helping me out of a situation I very much brought upon myself and can't get out of on my own. If any of my videos or my presence as a person have given you entertainment or joy over the last couple years and you can spare a few bucks or should you just feel like helping me for no reason beyond the goodness of your heart I am incredibly grateful.