i've got something to get off my chest

My name is Meg, and I need to get something off my chest.

Well. Two somethings.

Let me tell you some stories.

--

In the summer of 2022 I asked my doctor about the possibility of going on T to eventually qualify for top surgery.

Connie squinted at me. "Do you want T," she said, "or do you want top surgery?"

"I thought you had to go on T to qualify for top surgery, even if you're non-binary," I said.

"They changed that," said Connie.

There was a moment of silence while that sunk in.

"WHAT," I said.

--

A long time ago when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, a pair of identical twins were born and raised in rural Oregon. Now, this was in the 1980s and 1990s, in a very conservative area. Your choices were Boy, Girl, or Weird -- and god help you if you fell into the Weird category.

Tiny Meg and her equally Tiny twin, Amy, fell squarely into the Weird category. They accepted that they were Girl, just not very good at it, until Al Gore made the internet and they found out about being transgender.

That wasn't quite right either.

They didn't want to be Boy, they simply weren't Girl. Fast forward a bit more when they were in their thirties, to when they heard about a category besides Boy, Girl, or Weird -- Non-Binary. Amy became Aejae. Meg stayed Meg. Neither of them really thought about top surgery because wasn't that for when you were a Boy shaped like a Girl, or a Girl shaped like a Boy?

Then Aejae died when they were forty, and Meg found herself faced with living on when "we" had suddenly been reduced to a "me". She decided that she would live enough for two, even though she was now a one.

And she was tired of living in a body that didn't look like what she should look like.

--

In the later part of 2022, I completed the counselor recommendation letter to be approved for gender affirmation surgery, and sent it and the referral in. And I waited. And I waited some more, until I thought it wasn't going to happen and I should give up the idea of looking like me.

But then, in July 2023, things began to fall into place. The surgeon's office contacted me for an intake appointment. I redid my recommendation letter. I scheduled a pre-surgery mammogram. My insurance approved the request. My pre-op appointment was set for November. A friend informed me that she was going to come help no matter if I felt badly about asking her to do it or not. I researched the costs.

("I'm looking at around five to six thousand with my out of pocket max," I said.

"That's such an awful amount of money," said my mother.

"If I work hard toward it," I said, "and it's meant to be, the Lord will provide.")

Then, on September 15 2023, the surgeon's office contacted me again. They knew I was hoping for late January (my twin had died on January 24, 2020) but they had an opening on December 12, 2023. Was I interested? The same day, a long time friend made a generous offer of support.

I took a deep breath. I agreed to the date.

--

And now, dear friends and neighbors, I need some help from you.

I won't have exact numbers until the pre-op appointment but my rough estimates suggest a total of 5000 to 6000$ including max out of pocket, rent, post-op supplies, ride share and food delivery. (Nobody wants a repeat of what happened when i was recovering from COVID in 2020 and had um over optimistic ideas of my own ability to go places on TriMet when I could barely walk a block. Group Chat's nerves can't handle it again.)

Ideally I would have at least 20% of my max out of pocket (which is $4250) to put down as a deposit for the hospital; more would be better but Legacy is pretty good about financial aid.

I also need to get some button up and zip front tops (for various reasons along the lines of "if they don't agree to it for gender affirmation we can see about getting it for your back" i have very few front closing tops), and possibly a robe, as well as shelf stable protein drinks and bottled water to keep close, plus bits and bobs like ice packs, scar treatments, and so on.

Also I've met myself, and the only person that I know who is worse about staying quietly in one place and recovering is my mother. Some trash garbage to read and something to embroider, and maybe a video game, wouldn't be a bad idea.

How can you help?

You can donate here, go to my amazon wishlist, or most importantly, spread the word and think good thoughts! Thank you so much for your support and good wishes.