Hi. Everyone knows me by many names, Osiel, OC, O, Ozzy and some still by my childhood nickname, Porky. Whichever name you know me by, most people know me as a guy who always had a smile on his face and always up to make anyone else smile by making myself look like a fool or by cracking jokes.

Well these last few months my mental health has began to get affected and turned me down a path of depression. Not once would I think I would be affected by any sort of mental health problems. Many may see my social media and think how? But as many of you know, social media is only a facade of what great perfect lives we have or I have - that has been far from the truth these last few months. Many things that life throws at us has come all at once to me. I do not want to come off as someone seeking pity or as a “boohoo poor him” type of person. It saddens me to say that I have turned to self harm - not once but twice.

Life events (that I wish not to fully disclose due to family and my own life issues) had lead me to believe that there was only one way out and that would eventually be suicide. I was trying to stay strong and try and muddle through but it was getting to the point I couldn’t do it anymore. I had become a hypocrite to myself. I was the one to tell friends and family that “everything is going to be okay” and that “you can get through this! It’s only a rough patch in life!” Yet here I was contemplating ending my very own life. I have lost family and friends to mental health and seen how an act of selfishness/hopelessness can affect everyone and leave them broken and hurt.

I have been lucky enough this past weekend to get help and realize that suicide is not the answer. I have chosen to continue to live. I am taking everyday one step at a time but I am surrounding myself with friends, talking with family and staying busy. I do not want anyone to worry about me. It will take time for me to fully get past this dark time in my life but I know I will get there! There will be good days and bad days but again trust me I will get back to ME!

That all being said, the reason why I am starting this gofundme is because of financial troubles - like most people can relate too. This has been a huge reason of my mental state. Not knowing if I will be able to pay rent, have food in the fridge, or be able to fill my car with gas. I have had the support of my family and friends but then thinking how will I pay them back? So I decided to work another job at Amazon but even then the bills seem to not end.

To not make this long winded, I end with this. I am embarrassed asking for help, who wouldn’t, but I agreed to myself that I would stop pretending like everything is going to be okay and continue to sweep things under the rug to where it’s too late and think things such as suicide is the only way out cause it’s not. So I would rather live my life in embarrassment asking for financial help then put my loved ones through having to burry me six feet under.

Anything will help. Thank you is not enough for those who can and for those who can’t it’s okay. Do not feel any sort of way - sending positive energy or prayers will be welcomed and appreciated just as much. I created this two months ago when my first suicide attempt occurred now I have the courage to post.

That being said anonymous donations would be preferred - I would be to embarrassed knowing who has helped me. Thank you again.