Gender Affirming Surgery For Áine!

We are raising money for Áine to have essential, life-changing and life-saving gender affirming surgery.

I’m Holly, Áine’s partner of eight years and, over these eight years, I have seen more than most the extreme suffering, pain, and distress that gender dysphoria brings her. Gender dysphoria is constant for Áine, affecting absolutely everything she does, every moment of every day, and severely limiting her ability to do the most everyday of tasks, never mind to engage with the things she loves or to thrive. The surgery Áine needs to alleviate this suffering is not available at all on the NHS for any transgender patients so we are asking for your help to fund a life-saving surgery that will transform Áine’s life in the most incredible way imaginable!

Some background on our lives:

Three years ago I suddenly became disabled. Our lives changed dramatically: I had to leave my job and became unable to do the most basic things (eating, dressing, washing, standing, walking) without help, so Áine left her job to become my full-time carer. Áine is the most wonderful and devoted carer to me. Most of you, even those who know us well, will not fully understand the true extent of the work she is constantly engaged in to support me and manage my health condition. I am very lucky to have her but, because of my disability and the amount of care I require from Áine on top of her dysphoria, neither of us are able to work and are entirely reliant on the benefits system which gives us no opportunity to earn, save or borrow the money for Áine to have the gender affirming surgery she desperately needs.

The UK is a very hostile place for transgender people right now, and it is a frightening time for those who love them. Every single time Áine leaves the house she is verbally harassed and has even been physically assaulted several times. Due to her caring responsibilities, Áine has to go out alone most days and, without fail, something awful always happens. Everyone should be able to leave the house without being scared and, without this surgery, her physical safety (as well as her mental health) will continue to be put at serious risk.

I cannot explain how limited Áine is; she is unable to see her friends or family, to work, socialise, travel, perform, or even look in the mirror. She has lived like this for years and it has only worsened due to an utter lack of healthcare provision for transgender people on the NHS, whose extended waiting times and underfunded services have proven deadly time and time again. Áine first got on a waiting list for NHS care for her gender dysphoria over a decade ago and is still yet to receive her first NHS appointment (though, as I say, this necessary surgery would still be unavailable). As our politicians and media continue to incite hatred against transgender people and spread misinformation about gender affirming care (to the extent that transgender people in the UK are being advised to leave the country for their own safety) it falls to community to help transgender people access the care they need.

Those of you who know Áine will know how talented and caring she is: an incredible artist, a beautiful singer and gifted player of countless instruments, an amazing writer and researcher, and a craftsperson who can work with everything from wood and fabric to computer parts and circuit boards. She’s a mudlark and forager who is the best guide through landscapes past and present and an activist and organiser who gives everything for her friends, for her community and truly for anyone who needs it. None of us, however - not even me - have ever seen the true extent of what she has to give and how much she has to share with the world because she has always had to live under the crushing weight of terrible gender dysphoria. None of us have ever seen her free to be herself or free to live in a way that most of us take for granted; free to fully exist and to shine. With your support, this surgery would allow Áine that freedom for the first time in her life. Your contributions will allow her to leave the house feeling safe and it will open up the world and a future for her that we have scarcely allowed ourselves to hope for. Being able to access this care would allow Áine to look in the mirror and see herself for the first time and it will allow all of us the chance to see her for who she truly is too. I know that having this surgery will save her life and your support will take her there!

I have so many dreams for what our future would look like if Áine’s is able to have this surgery, the very first of which is having just one photograph of us together: in eight years of being together it is something we’ve never been able to have. It is my dearest hope that, with your help, we will be able to book the surgery for next year, so that Áine’s life can truly begin and she won’t have to suffer through everyday life without this essential, live-saving healthcare for too much longer.

We’re not going to share the specific details of the surgery that Áine needs as we want to be able to maintain as much of her privacy as possible - privacy, dignity, and autonomy around our health are things we all deserve - but I will share that, after years of believing it would never be possible, we have consulted with surgeons at a world-leading, specialist clinic and the amount we’re fundraising for includes:

- The procedure itself: €33500

- Material costs + pre and post operative CT scans: €1650

- General anaesthesia: €3150

- Hospital stay, operating theatre reservation, medicine and aftercare: €4650

€42950 (£36275.58)

GoFundMe also automatically deducts a 2.9% transaction fee + 25p per donation, so adding 2.9% onto our total gives us: £37327.57

We will also be hosting several fundraising events over the coming months and all funds raised will be immediately deposited here into this GoFundMe for full transparency. Please let me know if you’d like to get involved with any of our fundraising efforts, there are lots of ways to help out! Follow along at @queeercaring on Instagram. It feels so unfair that we have to ask our community for money for something that should be available for free but it’s truly our only option and I have so much faith in the power of our wonderful community to help us get over the finish line! Please help us in any way you can (donating, sharing, participating in our events, sending any kind words!) and please know that any donation or contribution you can make, however small, will have an impact on us beyond what you can imagine and will be so greatly appreciated and held in our hearts forever.

All my love,

Holly and friends x

Some testimonials from friends and family:

“Áine, like all people, deserves safety, dignity, and to feel comfortable in her own skin. This surgery would be one (big) step closer that achieving that. It will allow her to exit publicly, and to play more of an active part in the communities she is able contribute so much to through music, art, humour, and care. She is a very uplifting person so be around and it would be a huge relief to me, as her sister, to see her living the life she deserves” - Julia, Áine’s sister

“Áine is a ray of light but deserves and needs to be the full blazing star she is. This surgery I know would help her get to be herself fully, to be able to take part in so much more of the community she's in, to be able to exist with more confidence in this difficult and transphobic world. She's already doing so much for our community but I know this would be life changing and open so many more doors for her!” - Seth, Áine’s friend

“This surgery would be so life changing for Áine and getting the funds would mean the world to us, her friends! She's the most incredible person I know and this surgery is so vital to feeling comfortable and confident every day. Any donation is another step forward to being able to make music, art, and memories with the people that love her so dearly!” - Mia, Áine’s friend