Help us make our miracle baby

My husband and I have been TTC for 14 years. So I want to share our fertility journey with you. It definitely has been a bumpy road.

We live in Southern New Jersey. My husband and I have both have been through fertility. My husband is transgender FTM (female to male) and went into fertility first in PA for about two years. He was able to do IUI for four cycles. He got pregnant once. He had a miscarriage while we were on vacation and there was nothing we could do since we were out of the state. I felt sad and awful that entire vacation and I'm sure he did as well. All we could do was cry each day.

Before, I was put on his insurance so that the majority of the IUI treatment would be covered. We found an online forum that connected us with a sperm donor for our 1st in-home insemination. We were able to find someone and met with this person four times. All times were unsuccessful to become pregnant.

Meanwhile, we contacted foster and adoption agencies. Camden county dyfs and the adoption agencies discriminated against us because we are a LGBT couple and also turned us down because of my disability.

Finally I was able to be put on Ian's health insurance. Afterwards, I went through IUI fertility for about four years at South Jersey Fertility. I have done eight IUI cycles. I was pregnant once during my 3rd IUI cycle. The pregnancy ended in a late miscarriage. I was at 16 weeks when there was no heart beat and had my D&C. I did 5 more IUI cycles that were all unsuccessful.

We have done multiple home inseminations since fertility treatment stopped in NJ with 2 other people. Combined time doing home-inseminations was close to 2 years and these inseminations were all unsuccessful.

***New news- an update on our fertility journey. ---→ My husband and I decided to start fertility treatment with IVF. We made a consultation with CNY Fertility in October 2024. I think we had our consultation with Dr. Corly and he cleared us to move forward with the IVF process. All I had to do was get clearance from my other doctors since I have multiple health conditions. As asked, all my doctors sent clearance letters to the fertility center within a week for the IVF treatment.

List of doctors:

- PCP

- Neurology

- Nephrology

- Rheumatology

- OBGYN

Before I started my IVF journey with CNY Fertility Syracuse office I had to get an HSG test.

If you aren't familiar with this term I will describe it:

-A Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test used to evaluate the reproductive system, specifically the uterus and fallopian tubes, for fertility issues. It helps identify blockages or abnormalities in the fallopian tubes or uterus that might be preventing conception.

-The HSG helps determine if the fallopian tubes are open and healthy, which is crucial for egg fertilization and implantation. It also assesses the shape and size of the uterus.

-During the HSG, a catheter is inserted into the cervix, and a special dye is injected into the uterus and fallopian tubes. X-ray images are taken to visualize the flow of the dye, allowing the doctor to assess the patency (openness) of the tubes and the uterine cavity.

-The HSG can detect various issues, including:

Blocked fallopian tubes: This can prevent eggs from traveling to the uterus or prevent sperm from reaching the eggs.

Uterine abnormalities: Such as an irregular shape, polyps, fibroids, or adhesions, which can interfere with implantation.

Other issues: Scar tissue, tumors, or congenital abnormalities can also be detected.

I've had this test done before I started my IUI treatments at South Jersey Fertility and both of my tubes were clear. Everything looked great! You are told to take Tylenol beforehand to help with pain and cramping. The first time I was in tears. Ian was not aloud to come into room for support because of radiation exposure. I swore I would never do that test again.

Well it had been around 5 years since that test happened at South Jersey Fertility that they needed to do another one to see if there had been any changes. I talked to the doctor when we had the consultation with CNY and had told the him I was in tears during my last test. The doctor said that they would take care of me and he put the request in for anesthesia to be given. I assumed when I made the appointment for the HSG test it included me to be knocked out. Wrong! They didn't have any notes in their system and asked me when I was checking in for test if I wanted to reschedule. I quickly said "No". I let them know that it took us 6 hours to get there. Then they sent out a nurse to go over options. Finally we all decided that the office give me Valium to relax before the procedure. Again Ian wasn't aloud back in the room with me for support. I was terrified. The test was very painful but this time I wasn't in tears.

Dr. Arroyo did my procedure and told me that my right tube was blocked. I have a feeling that it became blocked from the scar tissue from my D&C and 3 hystoscopies I had after my miscarriage at SJF.

If you aren't familiar with that term I will describe it:

-Hysteroscopy is a procedure that allows doctors to visualize the inside of the uterus by inserting a thin, lighted instrument called a hysteroscope through the cervix. It's used for both diagnostic and therapeutic purposes, such as identifying the cause of abnormal uterine bleeding, finding and removing polyps or fibroids, or removing tissue after a pregnancy loss.

-A D&C (dilation and curettage) is a surgical procedure used to remove pregnancy tissue from the uterus, often after a miscarriage. It's one of several options for managing miscarriage, alongside expectant management (waiting for the body to pass the tissue naturally) and medication. A D&C can be helpful if the miscarriage is incomplete or if there are complications like heavy bleeding or infection.

I felt my body sink into the table when the Dr. Told me my tube was blocked. Then the doctor checked and said since I was going to have IVF that it didn't matter because they don't use the tubes for it. I was so relieved.

We then had homework to find our sperm donor. As soon as we found the sperm donor we could start my fresh embryo transfer with the start of my next period.

Basically IVF was a dream of ours with all the struggles of infertility we were thrilled to even step foot into this next step of our fertility journey. We never thought we would make it to this point because of the cost of everything, but we did!

Before we started the IVF treatment I did one of the zoom meetings for travel and time needed for treatment. The meeting was very informative. However, relaying to my husband he would have to take 3 weeks off of work to travel to the Syracuse NY office and stay was unnerving (Syracuse being closest office to our home). We were not able to drive back and forth from the office regularly because the travel time is 6 hours one way. That's just ridiculous to drive up and back in one day. He had to have a special meeting with his bosses at work to get approval for time off. Thankfully, they let him take the time off of work with no negative consequences. And he was promised he had a job to come back too but the whole time period he would not be paid.

Now, my husband and I had to find a pet sitter for our 6 animals for 3 weeks. We found family who could coordinate their schedules to watch our pets. I felt so bad how my cycle landed because it was during Christmas and New Years. Unfortunately, we came up a week too early because I thought my period had started. But it wasn't quite at that point yet. So we waited until I had a full flow. Which meant my husband was out of work for a month with no pay. So all the expenses fell on me to pay during the time missed. I am on SSD so cash was non existent during this time, but we made it work which was a miracle.

I was scheduled for my 1st appointment and I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done for a baseline. Our goal was to do a fresh embryo transfer. After my 1st appointment I came in daily to get ultrasounds and bloodwork. Meanwhile at our AirBnB I was taking oral medicine and multiple injections each day. It was time for my egg retrieval and they were able to retrieve 15 eggs.

If you aren't familiar with this term I'll describe it:

-Egg retrieval in IVF is a procedure where eggs are collected from a woman's ovaries for use in in vitro fertilization. It's a crucial part of the IVF process, allowing for the creation of embryos in a laboratory. The procedure typically involves a mild sedative and uses ultrasound guidance to access the ovaries and retrieve eggs from follicles.

Which 4 of the eggs matured and were fertilized into embryos. Finally, it was transfer day. Yay! We were able to do a fresh transfer with 2 embryos. The next 2 weeks were crucial. After 2 weeks I had bloodwork done for my pregnancy test. After that appointment we were driving back home and received a call from CNY Fertility. I was pregnant! We were pregnant! We were so happy we both started to cry and gave each other a huge hug.

CNY wanted me to get another blood test 2 days later to make sure that my HCG levels were rising. Since we were on our way home and my husband had been out of work for a full month, I asked if it could be done at a local lab. CNY said yes and I got bloodwork done. We got the results of the HCG bloodwork the same day as my labs were done. On our way back home we stopped for something to eat. I brought the results up on my phone and it showed I was not pregnant anymore. We both were devastated at the news. We didn't trust the local lab because the numbers came down so drastically, so we asked if we could get the test done again in the CNY Fertility office. The test at CNY also showed that I was not pregnant. I had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks.

We had our other 2 embryos in storage and unknowingly half a vial of the sperm we ordered. The next step was doing a frozen embryo transfer. I read that it is easier to get pregnant within the first 3 months after having an IVF procedure. So we started the frozen transfer my next cycle. I did oral medicine and injections. Ian did the impossible and drove back and forth from the office for each appointment. It was a 12 hour drive each time. Ian couldn't take anymore long breaks of time off from work again. So that was the next best thing.

This time I did things a little differently. Since, now I have had multiple miscarriages I asked if I could do the intralipids and also an HCG wash.

If you aren't familiar with those terms I will tell you what each does.

-Intralipid is an intravenous lipid emulsion used in some fertility treatments, particularly for couples struggling with recurrent implantation failure or recurrent pregnancy loss. It's thought to work by modulating the immune system, specifically by suppressing the activity of natural killer cells in the uterus, which may interfere with embryo implantation.

-HCG wash, also known as an intrauterine hCG injection, involves infusing a small amount of hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) into the uterus, typically just before or during embryo transfer in IVF. The goal is to potentially improve the receptivity of the uterine lining and enhance the chances of implantation.

Apparently the center was supposed to order me both these liquids for my appointments and they didnt. I showed up the day before my IVF procedure for my appointments with the staff asking me for them. Luckily, they had extras in storage for those just in case situations.

The HCG wash procedure was easy and fast too. However, I did have a little issue with the intralipids. Appeartly you have to have a certain BP level so you can have the injection. Well, we were never told any of this and I was stressed out because this IVF cycle was our last one. My BP was out of the range. They took it twice and told me to come back day of IVF. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to get this done. Now it's the next day. I go get my intralipids which were a success. I was calm and my BP was great. The injection took about a half hour, then I went to get my IVF done. Before each IVF procedure the instructions were to come in with a full bladder. -A full bladder is typically required for an embryo transfer to facilitate ultrasound visualization of the uterus and ensure proper embryo placement. The full bladder creates an "acoustical window," allowing for better imaging and guidance of the transfer catheter. It also helps position the uterus in a way that makes the procedure smoother and less traumatic. The 2 embryos were transferred.

2 weeks later I had bloodwork done for my pregnancy test. After that appointment we were on our way home and stopped for a bite to eat and received a call from CNY Fertility. I was pregnant again! We were pregnant again! I was a little worried because my HCG numbers were lower than before, but I was pregnant and that's all that mattered. We came back for followup bloodwork a few days later. I was still pregnant. My numbers dropped a little bit but I was still pregnant. The fertility center wanted to stop my medication and stop treatment because my numbers had dropped and it was in their protocol to make the decision as to when it's a failed pregnancy. Apparently, in their eyes it was a failed pregnancy.

However, it wasn't a failed pregnancy. I kept saying no and we rushed back to the center right before they closed and we talked to a nurse privately about this. I remember it was a Friday too. So if I didn't get to talk to anyone I would have been SOL.

Why stop me on everything when I'm still pregnant. I'm still pregnant! You have no right to tell me to stop something when I'm still pregnant. It's medicine that was helping me stay pregnant. I told them that I was not really given a good reason as to why to stop. Well that info worked its way back to the person who called me and she was not happy.

The nurse scheduled me for another bloodwork appointment a few days later. Afterwards, I'm waiting for the phone to ring. I get a text notification... you have a new message from CNY fertility center. Log in to receive your message. The lady didn't call me with the results. I could care less if you're mad at me. But please don't be unprofessional and disrespectful at such an important time. It's your job to call the patient. The message that showed in my chart said that I was no longer pregnant. I had an early miscarriage at 6 weeks.

I feel like I failed all of you who supported and donated to help us through this journey. I'm not doing so well. Being told you are pregnant 2x in a row and losing both has been very difficult.

We did have another consultation with the doctor afterwards to figure out what we could do next. Basically he had no answers and just said to try again but they would try different medications. I asked about using donor eggs and he said I didn't have to because my eggs were just fine.

We also did look into IVF clinical trials and there was only one that I fit into that was local to home. The only thing I had to work on was my BMI. I was on the carnivore diet and I lost 12 pounds in the month we were away. So I stuck with it. I was hoping I could lose more weight and get to my goal weight of 235. I contacted the coordinator of the trial and talked with the nurse that was in charge. I'm not yet at the BMI that is needed for trial but I did lose 20 pounds total. Right now I'm stuck. I've also been trying to stay on the carnivore diet because my bloodwork levels came back better than I've seen it in a long time. But Easter rolled around and I totally blew that way of eating out of the window. And since Reggie passed only a few days later I've been eating my feelings ever since.

Ian and I had multiple conversations about what we wanted to do next. It was a extremely tough decision and I still get emotional every time I start to think about it. I decided that I would not be doing any further fertility treatments on myself. Ian says he supports me. It's been a lot on my body with the medications. Taking various fertility medications on and off for over 10 years is very taxing on the body. My body is so tired. I also dont think I would survive another loss of a baby either. These past couple of months have been so all over the place. The time has been messing with both of us emotionally, physically and mentally especially during the IVF cycles. During a conversation Ian and I had, we summed up the costs over the years for all the fertility treatments to be well over 75K out of pocket.

We are not giving up. We are finding other options to take moving forward. Right now I'm not fully ready to let go. We still have the half the vial of sperm in storage. And when we trash the vial it becomes reality that I'm done with fertility treatments. This may sound weird but I feel I'm losing a part of myself stopping fertility treatment. I've been going to these appointments for so long it has become part of my everyday routine.

So this year has been extremely tough and very overwhelming. Back to back miscarriages and now we lost our fur baby Reggie. We've actually had 4 losses in less than a year...Thomas, CNY Baby #1, CNY Baby #2 and Reggie. You read that right, everything happened so quickly we haven't even had the chance to name our babies. I feel cursed and believe death is following me everywhere I go. I'm definitely depressed. I'm sure Ian is depressed too. Yet we are still trying to be social and put on a happy face.

Only a few were worried about us and checked in. Others didn't say anything, you know who you are. Now I know who truly is my friend and those that are acquaintances. That's why I left social media. I was the one always checking in with people "just because" and I needed the same to be done back to me and it wasn't. I was in need and I needed to know others were there for me. Even if we didn't disclose what was going on we would know they were there for us.

I am now doing zoom meetings through the Meetup app on ways to make new friends, boost my confidence, be more social, understand how to work through trauma and breath through every moment in life. Ironically, I believe that social media is a bad fit for me right now and I will be leaving again. You can reach me on my FB messenger and you could always call or text me if you want. Hint: if you don't have my number message me and I'll give it to you.

I'm trying my very best. Getting out of bed is a step in the right direction. I remember when I stayed in bed for a year. I only got up to go to the bathroom and eat. I feel I've come along way from that. However, I am broken. Ian and I have been to hell and I still feel like I'm there. We both deserve the tables to turn and positivity to show itself.

We appreciate all the support from our friends and family for believing in us and helping us through our fertility journey. All we need right now is positive thoughts and prayers. We still have bills to pay for the 2 rounds of IVF that was done. So I'm going to leave the GoFundMe page up. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Thank you for reading.

Mary Kate & Ian Saltzgueber