Hello, my name is Donald Evans and I'm a pretty un-unique guy, I don't say that as a way of putting myself down or underselling myself, I just mean it as I am a pretty average guy. There are things I like, things I don't like, people I care for, etc. I didn't have anything more to worry about than anyone else, until about three years ago why I started having extreme panic attacks, and thoughts that I couldn't seem to stop thinking. Eventually those thoughts became more and more frequent, pounding away at my brain until I would break down crying at work. Eventually those unmanageable thoughts led me into a depression, I avoided anything that would trigger them, certain situations, co-workers, customers, my own girlfriend some days. Finally, as things continued to get worse I decided self diagnosis wasn't going to cut it, I should see a counselor. It was there that I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
I was a bit shocked, but not really surprised to hear it, as far back as my youth I can remember certain things I would obsess over, rituals I would have to work through or I couldn't move on. It all made sense, but it had never interfered in a significant way with my life. Until three years ago. For a while I had been put on some SSRI's and things were fine, not great, not good, just fine. I wanted to continue on with therapy but I was unable to afford it, and honestly, I figured this would all pass. It didn't pass. In the years since things have gotten much worse, I spend almost 100 dollars bi-daily on cleaning supplies, it takes me close to 4 hours to clean the washer in order to do one load of laundry, I am unable to eat out a restaurants, and can now only eat prepackaged or frozen foods. My girlfriend and roommates are constantly choking on the incredible amounts of Lysol being sprayed andI'm sure they are getting sick of the insane amount of hand sanitizer bottles taking up the apartment. I can't keep a job, my skin is cracked and dry, sometimes even coming off, and showers now take a minimum of an hour. Enough to really make it hard to convince yourself living is worth it (Not suicidal, these thoughts just make their way in.) Even the things in life such as taking my girlfriend to Disney World, or playing with our Dog, or just going to have a nice hamburger are just pieces of my past that I want to get back.
Which is why I am here. I have recently found a specialist who specializes (go figure) in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure and response Prevention Therapy, the most successful treatment for OCD. My only problem is with the cost of living where I am, it is very hard to afford his rate. So, I'm asking for help, something I have NEVER been very good at, I always try and keep personal problems to myself, because, you know, life is tricky enough without having to take on someone else's struggles. But, I've decided that I need to put that bravado away and finally ask for help, if not for me and my ability to live a life I am happy with again, but for the people I care about in my life who I put through so much and I don't want to lose because of this. Any help is appreciated, just spare change spare dollars, anything is appreciated. If there is someone on the site that needs it more, like a homeless family, or a sick kid, please, give what you have to them, but if you have funds just laying around that you're not using, please, I'm asking for your help. And if you can't donate, thank you still, for taking the time to read this and just listen to my story, it has helped being able to share this with more people and I appreciate you taking the time to read. Also, if you have the time, I have listed some articles on OCD and what it truly is. Pop culture has sort of turned OCD into a joke of an over organized or clean freak, but it's an incredibly debilitating mental disorder and I implore you to take a few minutes out of your day to learn a bit more about it.
Thank you. I mean it. For donating. Reading. Clicking. Anything. Thank you. Hopefully I will be writing my thank you letters completely healthy. Thank you.
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