Courage to change the things I can
Donation protected
As many of you know, I have stage 4 metastatic unclassified renal cell cancer.
I've had my right kidney removed, which was the original site of the cancer, the lower right lobe of my right lung removed and most recently, a sub carinal lymph node removed due to metastasis from the original site of my cancer.
That's three major surgeries.
Surgery is the first line of defense for my particular type of cancer. No radiation, no chemotherapy is effective against renal cell cancer. It is fought only by my bodies own immune system .
Right now, my immune system is not functioning optimally and these therapies both kill cancer cells and support my immune system, I believe in them and they give me hope.
So, I have championed my own health care extensively, with juicing, eating vegan, as much as possible, working out, doing yoga, meditation, healing emotional wounds which undoubtedly contribute to our physical health, taking measures to manage my own stress, sleep well and advocate for myself with lots of education, in all forms.
I will continue to do everything available to me. .. After all, I am the honored mother of three kids, Zev age 6, Sorelle age 8 and Gage, age 12.
What could I possible desire more than living a sober life of recovery, in all areas of my life, body, mind and Spirit, so that I may watch these beautiful souls grow up, make a difference in this world, have kids and be the grandmother that I always wanted to be. .
What more could I possibly want? ?
To that end, I am strongly, adamantly, fiercely and tirelessly taking responsibility for every aspect of my Healthcare.
Awesome, right?
Well, here is my dilemma. Western Medicine will give me a CT scan every 3, 6, or 12 months and wait until a tumor shows up. My oncologist, the specialist in my particular type of cancer, informed me that although my personal experience with unclassified renal cell cancer has been slow growing, that it is typically an aggressive cancer that they expect to see again. :(
Still reeling from my second thoracotomy and the incredible grace and generosity my family experienced during those painful three months, I feel as though I'm not worthy of asking for additional help. . I do know that is NOT the case, it just feels like it.
Help, in my experience is one of those four letter words and I'd rather use any number of other four letter words instead of that one. . It's always terrifying to me to ask, at the level that somewhere in my psyche, I believe I'm not worthy of being bothersome or an inconvenience in any way.
My experience has shown me, how little asking for help is actually even about me. I've discovered it's more about allowing myself and thereby, my family, to receive love. That alone is incredibly powerful.
It's also about the blessing that giving and being of service is to those who love me and my family and want to help. It's about my ability to smash my ego and allow those blessings to take place.
Keeping love away and deflecting help hurts more than me, it hurts those who want to help as well as my sweet children who watch everything I do. I'm aware that I am inevitably teaching them what I do for my health, as well as what I allow fear to keep me from taking action around.
They miss nothing.
So, I've been strongly encouraged, by trusted and respected loved ones in my life to, once again, ask for help.
I've been assured that my resources both financial and spiritual, have absolutely not been tapped out.
The adjunct therapy I need is not covered by our insurance and while it may actually save my life, the cost alone is enough to make my lower self deny that my health is that big of a deal, that I'll be alright without that amazing therapy.
My higher self, and thankfully those that God has placed in my life, assure and remind me that if my own child was sick and we knew that this adjunct therapy could save their life, not a second would be wasted debating their worthiness. .
Period.
I must learn to care for myself as I would one of my own sweet children.
The therapy is prescribed 2 times per week for six weeks, and weekly after that. It's sole function is to kill cancer cells before they become tumors that can even be read on a CT scan . . The therapy also supports my own bodies immune system so that I may fight this cancer despite it already being in my body, just waiting for the right set of conditions to turn into another tumor.
Well, fuck that, quite frankly.
Please, if you are willing and able to donate to my medical expenses, your generosity will be appreciated beyond words.
If reading this seems like a silly or frivolous request, remember, I'm fighting for my life and my future with my kids as well as my family.
I know that, only, if it is in your heart first, your abilities next, will you donate to my account.
If you can't or choose not to, I love you and understand on a deep level that includes no judgment and no expectations. .I simply thank you, wholeheartedly, for your love and prayers.
Thank you, in advance, for the healing that is already taking place, simply by God and the people in my life who love and support me, encouraging me to even move past the fear of the four letter word, HELP, so that I may evolve and heal, in ways that include all of my Spirit and Soul.
Thank you.
Love, Michelle Berger ☺
I've had my right kidney removed, which was the original site of the cancer, the lower right lobe of my right lung removed and most recently, a sub carinal lymph node removed due to metastasis from the original site of my cancer.
That's three major surgeries.
Surgery is the first line of defense for my particular type of cancer. No radiation, no chemotherapy is effective against renal cell cancer. It is fought only by my bodies own immune system .
Right now, my immune system is not functioning optimally and these therapies both kill cancer cells and support my immune system, I believe in them and they give me hope.
So, I have championed my own health care extensively, with juicing, eating vegan, as much as possible, working out, doing yoga, meditation, healing emotional wounds which undoubtedly contribute to our physical health, taking measures to manage my own stress, sleep well and advocate for myself with lots of education, in all forms.
I will continue to do everything available to me. .. After all, I am the honored mother of three kids, Zev age 6, Sorelle age 8 and Gage, age 12.
What could I possible desire more than living a sober life of recovery, in all areas of my life, body, mind and Spirit, so that I may watch these beautiful souls grow up, make a difference in this world, have kids and be the grandmother that I always wanted to be. .
What more could I possibly want? ?
To that end, I am strongly, adamantly, fiercely and tirelessly taking responsibility for every aspect of my Healthcare.
Awesome, right?
Well, here is my dilemma. Western Medicine will give me a CT scan every 3, 6, or 12 months and wait until a tumor shows up. My oncologist, the specialist in my particular type of cancer, informed me that although my personal experience with unclassified renal cell cancer has been slow growing, that it is typically an aggressive cancer that they expect to see again. :(
Still reeling from my second thoracotomy and the incredible grace and generosity my family experienced during those painful three months, I feel as though I'm not worthy of asking for additional help. . I do know that is NOT the case, it just feels like it.
Help, in my experience is one of those four letter words and I'd rather use any number of other four letter words instead of that one. . It's always terrifying to me to ask, at the level that somewhere in my psyche, I believe I'm not worthy of being bothersome or an inconvenience in any way.
My experience has shown me, how little asking for help is actually even about me. I've discovered it's more about allowing myself and thereby, my family, to receive love. That alone is incredibly powerful.
It's also about the blessing that giving and being of service is to those who love me and my family and want to help. It's about my ability to smash my ego and allow those blessings to take place.
Keeping love away and deflecting help hurts more than me, it hurts those who want to help as well as my sweet children who watch everything I do. I'm aware that I am inevitably teaching them what I do for my health, as well as what I allow fear to keep me from taking action around.
They miss nothing.
So, I've been strongly encouraged, by trusted and respected loved ones in my life to, once again, ask for help.
I've been assured that my resources both financial and spiritual, have absolutely not been tapped out.
The adjunct therapy I need is not covered by our insurance and while it may actually save my life, the cost alone is enough to make my lower self deny that my health is that big of a deal, that I'll be alright without that amazing therapy.
My higher self, and thankfully those that God has placed in my life, assure and remind me that if my own child was sick and we knew that this adjunct therapy could save their life, not a second would be wasted debating their worthiness. .
Period.
I must learn to care for myself as I would one of my own sweet children.
The therapy is prescribed 2 times per week for six weeks, and weekly after that. It's sole function is to kill cancer cells before they become tumors that can even be read on a CT scan . . The therapy also supports my own bodies immune system so that I may fight this cancer despite it already being in my body, just waiting for the right set of conditions to turn into another tumor.
Well, fuck that, quite frankly.
Please, if you are willing and able to donate to my medical expenses, your generosity will be appreciated beyond words.
If reading this seems like a silly or frivolous request, remember, I'm fighting for my life and my future with my kids as well as my family.
I know that, only, if it is in your heart first, your abilities next, will you donate to my account.
If you can't or choose not to, I love you and understand on a deep level that includes no judgment and no expectations. .I simply thank you, wholeheartedly, for your love and prayers.
Thank you, in advance, for the healing that is already taking place, simply by God and the people in my life who love and support me, encouraging me to even move past the fear of the four letter word, HELP, so that I may evolve and heal, in ways that include all of my Spirit and Soul.
Thank you.
Love, Michelle Berger ☺
Organizer
Michelle Berger
Organizer
Edmonds, WA