Hello, my name is Gabi. I'm a 20 year old transgender woman from Utah, USA. In march 2025 I moved out of the apartment I was living in with my brother, it wasn't working out for reasons I'll get into. I decided to move in with my mom in mountain home, Idaho and it's been better than living with my brother.

Recently, thanks to your support, I was able to move to oregon. But I still need your help to reach my goal so I can get the care I need. Gender Dysphoria Is a real medical diagnosis and requires gender affirming care to get the best results. Unfortunately however I cannot afford this care on my own. That's why im starting a go fund me!

My Story:

I realized that I was transgender when I was 17 years old. But the dysphoria was early onset. I didn't have to vocabulary to describe how I felt. It was so confusing being told that the femininity that came naturally to me was something to be ashamed of, something to be suppressed. When I was still in highschool, and started dressing more feminine and wearing makeup and a wig more often. At the time I was in a ballet class and everyone in there knew me as a boy, the teacher was my moms friend and was her visiting home teacher years ago ( I was raised mormon ). Because of this I didn't feel comfortable coming out to them and was unsure how they would react. So I stopped doing ballet so I could transition socially.

My school was sometimes excepting especially my homeroom teacher and my close friends. However, the school cop, my psychology teacher and some of the other students were very cruel to me. I remember the cop laughing at me one day as I was walking down the hall in a skirt. He stopped himself and asked me how I was. I ignored him. Another time I was in psychology class and the teacher, who had been calling me gabi and using she/her pronouns for me for a while at this point, deadnamed me in front of the whole class. My friend at the time later told me he thought it would be a "funny joke" yet, no one was laughing. In fact I felt so humiliated and singled out I could feel a lump in my throat and was too shocked to speak. I left the class in tears and asked to be moved out of his class, luckily they said that was fine. This transphobia wasn't always so overt though. Other times it was more subtle especially from my peers. Things like "oh you don't want the back pain of having breasts" or "you're lucky you can't get pregnant or have periods". And unfortunately there was no relief from this at home. I always felt my dad was disappointed in me for being feminine. And I was often verbally disciplined for wearing dresses and a towel on my head. My older brothers would mock me and call me princess gabriella. I was often beaten by my oldest brother and I never really knew why. Now I not ashamed to be called a princess or to be called gabriella because I know that's who I am.

I always felt safer around girls and female relatives. Me and my younger sister and my cousins were always closest in my family, and my mom would tell me how when I was really young, I hated being held by my dad, grandpa's and uncle's. I only wanted to be around my aunts, grandmas, mom and female cousins. I remember one time when I was probably about 4-5 years old, all the men in the family were going on a hunting trip and wanted me to come with. I cried and cried and said I wanted to stay home with the women and girls. They didn't force it, as I was very upset.

I'm proud of myself for having the courage to come out when I did, because there was no other option. Living the lie I had been taught was killing me, and living my truth was liberating, despite the reality of how trans people are treated. During the christmas before turning 18, my parents had promised to help me change my name and get on HRT, despite the coming out process being painful and difficult.

However many months began to pass and I was realizing that they weren't fulfilling their promise to me. In may 2023 after the graduation I did not attend and just two months after my 18th birthday, I admitted myself to a mental hospital in payson utah worried that I would harm myself. During my stay there I came to the conclusion that the only way to get on HRT in time to save my young life was to take the initiative myself. I also decided to try DBT therapy.

On July 17, 2023 I had my first appointment with and gender specialist. And approximately 6-12 weeks later I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and put on estrodiol and testosterone blockers. I started DBT therapy in late august and stayed with it for about 6 months. But unfortunately the therapy was unsuccessful for me and I decided to find a different therapist. I found my current therapist thepugh a link that one of my favorite youtubers (Mickey Atkins) shared. My new therapist better understood the trans experience.

In February 2024 my oldest brother (I have two older brothers) became infuriated with me during an argument and I began to feel unsafe. This was very common and he often used yelling and getting in my face to intimidate me. I tried closing the door to the room I was in to give myself space but of course, as he often would in fights like this, he put himself in the doorway and insisted on continuing the argument until I gave up and let him verbally abuse me. But I refused to let him do it this time. I tried as hard as I could to push him out of the room but it was no use. We then began hitting each other and I felt more unsafe, I grabbed my pepper spray and warned him several times if he did not leave me alone I would spray him. He didn't believe me, so I pepper sprayed him. But this didn't work, maybe I missed or maybe he was too angry to care, but it seemed to only anger him more. He began punching me till I was on the floor, thankfully the pepper spray finally got into his eyes from the side of his face and he stopped punching me, giving me time to run to the bathroom and close the door. Had I not defended myself I'm not sure how long he would have kept beating me. I was covered in bruises. Later that night I was crying alone in the backyard and my other brother asked me what was wrong. I told him what happened and he was furious. He went inside and started screaming at my older brother. And that night without telling the family, my oldest brother went to the police station and filed a report against me claiming he was the victim.

The next morning my brother who's closer in age to me came into my room and woke me up saying "the cops are here". They talked to me for a while and had me fill out an incident report "my side of the story" and ultimately decided to arrest me. I was sent to a mens jail in utah county and spent the day in the waiting area wondering if I was going to be spending the night in jail with men. By this point I had been on HRT for about six months and had breasts. The prospect of spending the night with male prisoners horrified me. Hours later they told me my bail had been set at 2,050$ and I could only be released with an ankle monitor. I was also not allowed to go back to the house. Luckily my dad paid bail and bought the ankle monitor, yes they made us pay for that too. I spent the night at my cousins house, waking up every 4 hours or so to make sure the monitor was charged. I was being treated like a criminal for having been abused and not allowing it.

Next was months of bureaucratic bull shit. My court date was April 2, 2024. Luckily my dad hired a lawyer. But the best they could do to get the DV charges dropped and scrubbed from my record was the following. I had to write a letter of apology to my abusive brother that might as well have been as essay on why I was a naughty girl. My dad had to pay a fee to the court of 125$ dollars on top of lawyer expenses and the ankle monitor. And I was supposed to get a domestic violence evaluation from a court approved provider. All of this within 90 days of the court date. I failed to get the domestic violence evaluation in time for this cutoff as I was obviously struggling with my mental health, my parents were getting divorced, and we were moving out of the home I grew up in. During this time I was also sexually assaulted by a man I had met on a dating app who was 34 years old. This was the third time I'd been assaulted since I was 15. I was lucky to be able to cut contact with him but the trauma was devastating. I was completely disassociated from my body for months and I'm still working through it.

I moved into an apartment with my brother who is closer in age to me. And despite him being one of the only people in my family who stood up for me when my older brother was abusing me, our relationship became more and more strained. He had been enabling my substance use since I was 14. And I began to realize he's isolating me and using substances to control me. I was living with him since august 2024.

Since March 2025 ive been living with my mom in mountain home Idaho. I decided to make that move for my mental health.

Thanks to you guys I was able to move to Oregon I truly am so grateful, however I still need you support as I am unemployed and am still a ways away from my goal! I appreciate any amount!

Basically I'm asking for your help to get out of dept and help me get on my feet so I can really start sharing my gifts and experiences with the world. I'm a ballet dancer, a gardener, a musician, a singer, a model and an activist. I want to persue those passions. With your help and support im sure I can!

Thank you for reading my story, and thank you for your support. These past few years have been more than any teenager/young woman should have to deal with. But I'm still here and fighting for myself to live a dignified life.

-Gabi Nöelle Rhodes