Hello my name is Cleopatra, Please find my story in detail on Instagram @rahcleopatra3 with pictures and a video

Okay so... I'm not really sure where to start but I will try to keep it as brief as I possibly can. .. I might be 30 something years old but I only really lived 11 years, my life started 11 years ago when I finally managed to be free, I met my partner who is the only true family I ever had and I don't want to even imagine where I would be now if it wasn't for him. We met randomly online on facebook 14 years ago and he loved me just by reading my words, he had no idea what looked like, I wasn't allowed to put pictures of myself online, it was a massive and a recent improvement that I was even allowed to have a Facebook account. I was in a very dark place, I lost my mum to breast cancer when I was a baby, the eldest of my siblings was just under 6, second eldest was just under 3, then just under 2, then just under 1 YO. My dad decided that having me and my 3 sisters was a test from god to his faith, he belived girls were a shame and often said that they should be buried alive as soon as they are born. I don't need to go on about the 20 something years I spent with him and my three sisters who... let's say just I wasn't their cup of tea, I got bullied, I got abused, physically, emotionally and sexually (verbal and with lack of privacy) I heard the dirtiest shit about my boobs, my nipples, my clitoris in the most revolting detail that I didn't really need to hear nor did I even know what most of it meant until years later _I didn't have a woman in my life nor did we have sex education in school_ but although I didn't know what some of these body parts were, what they did, what a whore was, what a slut was at 12 years old, it somehow still left me with an overwhelming feeling of disgust and an vague idea of what they could possibly mean, i had nightmares when I was very little which developed into night terrors which I never grew out of even now, I had IBS since my early teen years, I had Ocd, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, social difficulties and learning difficulties, though I didn't know what all of those were at the time nor what was happening to me, it was just all scary. Anyway due to my domestic situation I couldn't make close friends either but I did stumble on a few kind people who tried to help me here and there along the way who soon disappeared not long after. I am sure you can guess from that, that I had a few suicide attempts during these years, my first attempt was at 13 YO but I guess maybe I was too scared to do it properly so never really succeeded.

When I met my bf, there was a lot of trouble in Egypt and travel to it was not recommended, and since I had no money at all of my own, he needed to make sure he can support both of us until I find work, so after 3 years of talking online he managed to visit me in Egypt and we decided to leave together but my visa was denied cause I didn't have any money in the bank and other complications. He had to leave but we kept trying and my visas kept getting refused. We then tried the Surrinder Singh route and luckily managed to make it to Spain together. We lived 17 months there during which we had to prove that we transformed our lives to Spain so i can be allowed to enter the UK as a family member of a European citizen. So I was finally here. My time in Spain was the best time of my life also the first and only time I wasn't living in a parent or a parent in law's house under their roof and by their rules, with someone who can approve or disapprove of me, what I do what I say how I act or how i live my life. When I left Egypt, all I had on me was a bag of clothes that didn't even include a coat. I had no money at all but I felt free which was a very new feeling for me that I never experienced before. After that, I had so many new experiences that I was never allowed to maybe even think about, like learn how to ride a bike, how to climb a tree, I was allowed to run and laugh in public and say hello to strangers, taste alcohol, get tipsy, eat bacon, have loads of chocolate, go roller skating, try coke, try a joint, do ballet, Karate, go to a party, dance on a dance floor, celebrate my birthday, go to the beach, wear a bikini, wear whatever I please, sleep without a worry that my life was in danger nor wish I wouldn't wake up like I did most of my previous life.

The day I left Egypt was the day I had to put my past behind me, all of it including all people in it, everyone I communicate with now is someone I came across over the past 11 years with the exception of my bf whom I have known online for 3 years earlier. When I left Egypt, I thought i had left my past behind and that I had moved on but it's crazy how much damage long term abuse does to you! It wasn't just my biological family, it was a lot of the culture features, societial pressures and strong religious beliefs or restrictions, also things like lack of rights, daily verbal and sexual harassment in the street during the day and evenings... I wasn't allowed to be out at night. Also lack of money, me not being given any money by my dad though he had plenty of it. My dad often said he feeds me for charity to please his God and often threatened to kill me, especially in my sleep. Everytime I had to leave the flat to go to school or work, he would say he wishes a train hits me and my flesh gets minced to pieces while I am still alive then I would die slowly and painfully. Everytime I came back, I had to announce it to him that I was back otherwise I would get in trouble, which he would return with announcing his disappointment that I made it back in one piece. There was so much hatred so many arguments, insults, swear words, shouting, screaming and violence, the type of violence that someone lifts you up throws you at the concrete wall and when you hit it and bounce back off, they pick you up again and throw you at it over and over... The type of violence that makes you end up bleeding. The type of violence that makes your ears whistle, your lips swell up and your teeth chatter. The type that gets the bathroom door kicked wide open while you are showering because you took too long in there or used up too much water, the lack of care that makes your dad not buy essentials like soap, tooth paste, shampoo, so you end up showering with washing up liquid sold from an unknown source. Etc. I could go on forever and you would never believe half the conditions I had to live through when it could have been easily avoided.

When I left Egypt, I was mentally and emotionally only a child even looked like a child, no one could believe i was older than 13 even the doctors when I went to register, so every experience was a first for me, I learnt so much about the world, myself, I wasn't too scared to think and act, I wanted to do soooo much and tried as best as I could but sadly I wasn't a child, I was an adult with no money and a lot of bills and responsibilities, I found jobs, struggled with bosses (I never trusted anyone that had authority over me, I never thought they cared or had my best interest at heart so to me they were always so scary and a threat) I struggled with work and family socials I struggled to connect or relate or get close to people the I couldn't choose myself, I managed to connect a little with younger people or older people but never my age and never girls, it was much easier to connect with men cause it wasn't anywhere as challenging as connecting with a woman.

Anyway, I applied for uni to study dance, I passed the tests and the audition but I couldn't get the loan sadly, so I found a job, started to take ballet classes, Karate etc. Which took away any chance of savings or holidays but I needed these classes as a constant little treat for my own sanity. And of course I tried to do modelling as much as I could, any opportunity that came my way but only with a good photographer, I had plenty of offers but I didn't care about the money as much as I cared about creating something I was proud of. So i had to stick with my full time job especially with the lack of modelling opportunities, since I couldn't travel (I needed to sort out my citizenship but it was too expensive and took a long time to save up for, after failing to save i eventually took a loan from the bank to get that sorted) there were not many photographers who had heard of me nor believed in me or wanted to work with me and also a small number of local photographers whom I aspired to work with. I was never good at selling myself to photographers, it was extremely difficult for me to reach out to them to arrange a shoot myself!

Long story short, I knew I needed therapy especially when I was diagnosed with Cptsd 3 years ago and OCD during my early years in the UK but other things took priority time wise and finance wise so I just got on the NHS looong waiting list. i left many jobs due to stress and fear from bosses and difficulties to fit in, I eventually ended up with a very stressful long hours job with minimum wage. So eventually stress got to me when I couldn't manage my lack of finances, my fear of running out of time to be a mum, of not being a mum itself, of not having a home of my own, of managing to fund my classes, my family time, my modelling, my sleep deprivation, my work stress, IG trying its best to hide me and take my account down. And I ended up with severe anxiety, sever depression and two serious suicide attempts in one week - second week of July 2025- first attempt caused a lot of damage to my wrist with a razor and the second attempt caused so much damage to my neck with an angle grinder. Sadly I was pretty determined to die. I ended up in hospital for 6 weeks and had three operations within 2 weeks, one of them was major due to damage to my neck and the cover of my spinal cord, i was operated on by both the plastics team and the spinal team, the operation lasted for over 7 hours, they put metal in the back of my neck and a skin graft, I lost muscle and skin, they had to cut my back open to take skin and muscle to put them in my neck to try and fix it. The surgeons said it was a miracle I could move and that I wasn't paralysed. A week later I had another spinal operation where they took bone from my hip and put it in through the front of my neck. After i was discharged from the hospital, my mental health deteriorated and my desire to die was dramatically increasing and I was trying to do it everyday a few times a day but couldn't get it done, i was then admitted to the mental hospital late October where my mental health continued to go down hill and my desire to live kept getting fainter, I kept attempting to do it while at the hospital, and I stopped eating, drinking or even leaving my hospital bed. Eventually I got too scared of being electricuted so started pretending I was better until I eventually got better and was discharged just before Christmas. And am now slowly trying to get back to myself.

Now, I look back and it all feels so unreal, like a nightmare. I just want my life back, I want to get back to everything I love and most importantly I want to feel like myself again, to do that I really need to get my body fixed. I know loads of people wouldn't care about scars but I do.. I do very much, I don't recognise my body anymore I feel like someone else when I look at myself in the mirror. I would love to go back to modelling but to be able to do that I need to feel connected to my body again, which is my way of expressing myself,the only tool, treasure or asset I ever had, just like a pen to a writer and a camera to a photographer, how can they create their if their tool is damaged and broken.

I do apologise if this was too heavy to dump on you but i had to share and ask for as much help as I can get. I recently had a consultation with a plastic surgeon who said to fix my neck I need a few operations which will cost roughly 25-30k, I would really appreciate it if you could spare a penny or two towards my cause. Thank you!