Funds for special Eddie - rat hunter-couch potato

My name is Eddie, and I need your help. Today.

I am employed by, and live with, Tiffany and Tommy. My sole job is to keep rats and mice out of our home. Sad to say, I failed.

About three months ago two rats, nicknamed Bonnie and Clyde, somehow entered our home and set up their abode in our stove. Bonnie and Clyde are no ordinary rats; they are super intelligent, clever, cunning & evil. In the course of their stay here they have damaged our couch, countless items of clothing, the stove, dishwasher, a brand-new high-end backpacking gear, ruined piles and piles of food, and disrupted our sleep with their brazen, callous, noisy eating habits. They were actually taunting us by advertising where they were, knowing we could not catch them.

I say “we could not catch them,” but it was actually my full-time job to do so. Tiffany and Tommy lent a hand by deploying every rat trap known to man, to no avail. It was a true head-scratcher: How is it possible for two rats to escape capture within the confined space of a home?

Well, two days ago the tide finally turned. With every food item out of reach, they resorted to foraging in the hall closet, where the aforementioned backpack (with some protein bars) was stored. Did I mention there is one door in/out of the closet, and that this is a very confined space? When I awoke, I picked up the scent immediately, (yes, I smelled a rat) but also detected their physical presence. So I tiptoed in, which is hard for a dachshund to do, identified the first enemy, and attacked.

It was a brutal affair. Bonnie employed moves I had never seen before. And she is (was) strong. A worthy adversary. But I did prevail.

But out of the corner of my eye I detected the end of a rat tail sticking out behind a box. With Tiffany’s help moving the box, round 2 began. Clyde was even more formidable. He knows every move in the book: He attacked, he feigned, and he counter-attacked. He appears to have been trained by the Ukrainian army. He was relentless. But species superiority kicked in, and I finally was able to put him down.

Unfortunately for me, I did not read the fine print of my employment contract. I am responsible for all damages caused by rodents on my watch. Yikes! I was originally going to do a Go Fund Me to hire an attorney to fight this in court, but the contract appears to be iron-clad, and I really did let my bosses down, so I have decided to do a Go Fund Me to help me reimburse my employer for her substantial damages.

I am pretty sure the talk around the house of “animal shelter” is just a ploy to motivate me to pay restitution, but just in case, I would seriously appreciate anything you can do to put this matter to rest. I don't have any money, I don't even have pockets. Unfortunately, this rat destruction is not covered by insurance, so we're in a bit of a pickle.

Best regards,

Eddie aka Rat Hunter/Couch Potato