This is my story of why I am looking for a Christmas miracle to have a home to live in, where I can lead a normal life, after almost 60 years of waiting. It is a long story, but please take time to read it.

My story starts with me growing up with a father who was abusive. I was born with severe autism but at a time when they did NOT even know what autism was or how to treat it. I never had a happy home for my entire childhood and teenage years. As early as 8 years old, I would constantly be threatened with being punched in the face by my father because he could not handle raising a mentally disabled child. And the emotional effect it had on my childhood and home life. As a mentally disabled child with severe autism, I spent most of my early life with an unhappy home.

Now as an adult, after living for almost 60 years, I STILL do NOT have a home where I am happy. Where I am able to live a normal, happy life. Be able to cook food, eat, relax, and sleep like any other normal person. And this takes a little time to explain, because I have autism so severe, that it is almost impossible for me to live a normal happy life in an apartment building. I need a living situation that SUPPORTS the needs of my disability. I was hoping (and I don't have much hope anymore) that maybe I could get some help at this time of year (Christmas time).

As a result of the severe autism, I have been in poverty for most of my life. I have not been able to work at normal jobs like other people. I suffer severe distraction and I was diagnosed by multiple psychologists that the emotional parts of my brain are at child maturity. My distraction is so severe, that I have walked in front of cars multiple times in my life and almost got hit. And living in an apartment building is almost impossible. I have got injured over and over, because simple things like noises can cause me to get distracted that I can drop something when cooking and get hurt or even trip and fall. Other things like sleeping, trying to relax, even talking on the phone can at times be almost impossible because any noises, smells, or anything else can distract me that I can't even do simple things. It is NOT an easy disability to understand. To give an example, imagine driving your car and running someone over and that person dies, because an insect flew in your window. Where your brain gets so easily distracted that you can get hurt or other people can get hurt. I could NEVER do things that other people can do, like driving a car. It is such a severe disability that it is almost unlivable for me in an apartment building and that is why I am seeking help to try to get a normal living situation on GoFundMe. People do not understand how severe what I have can be, and how hard it can be. I honestly wish I was born deaf, because it would of been a much easier life.

People do not understand how severe this can be. It is an illness that you would have to witness it, to realize how severe it is, and how much the person has been suffering. For example, I went to a restaurant with my mother to try to order food on my mother's birthday. Because other customers nearby were talking, I could NOT even speak. I kept stuttering, unable to say more then a few words. Took almost 5 minutes just for me to tell the waitress what I wanted on the menu. I can NOT even drive, if an insect or there was a noise outside the car, I would drive the car over someone one. Any distraction will cause my brain to FOCUS on the distraction to the point that I am not even aware of my surroundings. Now imagine being in an apartment with constant noises, smells and other distractions and that going on for almost 60 years with an almost unlivable life.

And I am NOT just hypertensive to noises, it is hyposensitivity to most things. I will throw up my food, from a smell. If a neighbor takes a shower at night or uses perfume, I can wake up from a sound sleep and start gagging and vomiting. The gas company has records of me detecting TWO different gas leaks that NOBODY in two different apartments could smell. It happened in two separate apartment buildings. In my current apartment they have the gas meters in the laundry room, people walk by that room constantly. Nobody in the building could pick up the smell of gas. Now while it is nice, and it could maybe save lives that I can pick up smells, like gas, that nobody else can smell. The fact that my brain "amplifies" my senses to such an extreme is what makes it so hard to live in a situation where there are constantly noises, smells, etc, around me, like in an apartment building.

Imagine playing music that you love, but then turning the volume up so loud that the music starts to cause PHYSICAL pain to your ear drums. People have no idea how severe this is, and how hard it is to live in an apartment with people all around you, with a disability like I have. It is like your brain "turns up the volume", on noises, smells, touch, etc. Even sunlight will give me a severe headache, so I have to keep the shades closed constantly.

When I was a child, my parents would tell me to leave the car. Because the smell at a gas station would give me a headache. So they would tell me to leave the car, when they went to get gas. My autism is so severe and I have been waiting for 60 years just to have somewhere I can happy a happy normal living situation.

Because of being in poverty due to not being able to work at normal jobs like other people with my severe disability, I did NOT even have a BED to sleep in for over 25 years. Most of the time, I had to live in small apartments that didn't even have a bedroom. I finally moved into a new apartment, and I got my first bed in a long time. I was able to sleep for maybe 6 months in the bed before getting a neighbor moving in on top of me who makes it almost impossible to sleep at night in my bedroom. The neighbor on top of me comes home late at night, making noise for hours late at night or early in the morning. After 25 years of never sleeping in a bed, then when I get a bed in this current apartment, I end up having to sleep in the parlor on my sofa because the neighbor makes too much noise at night for me to sleep in my bed.

The more serious issue is that without a home that supports my disability, I am constantly at RISK OF INJURY. I suffer extreme hypersensitivity to noises, smells, lights and touch. In my one apartment, I dropped a turkey on my leg at Thanksgiving getting it out of the oven because a neighbor made a noise right when I was moving the turkey out of the oven. In this apartment, I spilled bacon grease down the other leg and have a 12-inch burn mark. I am so hypersensitive and because of my severe disability, I get so easily distracted that noises can put me at risk of injury. Because I will get distracted and can accidentally get injured.

Besides dropping something when cooking and potentially burning myself, I could trip and fall and get injured from a distraction like a noise. Also, just making a phone call is almost impossible for me if there is any noise or distractions. I will be almost unable to talk even on a telephone when distracted. I will keep stuttering and repeating the same word over and over. My brain focuses on the noise and is unable to concentrate, even just to be able to talk on the phone. Most people do not understand how severe this is, but when you can't even talk on a phone or call a doctor if there are noises around you distracting you.

Which is why it is a necessity I have a home that I can live in that supports my disability so I can not get injured and be able to live a normal life like other people. Autism can affect your nervous system and cause extreme hypersensitivity in severe cases, which is what I am dealing with and why I need the help.

In an apartment I can't do the simple things that other people can do. Sleep, cook food, talk on the phone, and live a normal life doing what normal Americans can do. I need help with getting a living situation that supports my disability. Also my mother turned 95 years old this year, and I want to be able to talk to her on the phone and I want my mother to know that her disabled son has somewhere to live that he can have a normal life. My mother has always been there for me. It was only my father who was abusive.

Last year, at the holidays, I took an overdose of medicine and was ready to kill myself, but I recovered as of this year and feel more like living. I told my doctors at the time about feeling like killing myself, and my primary care doctor did a blood test to verify I was okay. But I still need help with getting a home that supports my disability. The only way I will ever have even a chance at a normal life is to have a home to live in that supports my disability. I do want to live NOW but I also want to be happy and to have a chance at a normal life.

The only way I can have a normal, happy life is to have a home that I can live in that supports my disability. So I am looking for a Christmas miracle to get the help and donations I need. I also need help with other bills, medical needs, and the other necessities of living. So any donations or help would be appreciated. But my main goal is to get help with getting a home that I can live in that would support my severe autism.

Besides asking for a donation, I am asking for help with sharing my request for help. Because of my severe autism, doing things as simple as talking to people or communicating with people is hard for me. In almost 60 years of life, I only had TWO friends. Multiple psychologists have diagnosed that parts of my brain have not developed beyond the emotions of a child. Doing things like just opening a candy wrapper can get me emotional. It is hard for me to interact with people. In my entire life, I could never even do things that a teenager could do, such as make friends, go on a date, and have people who like to talk to me. I don't have many friends, so I also need help with spreading my message requesting help. So please share a link to this donation page. Can you please be a friend and spread my message for help? Thank you.

I want to live now, after feeling suicidal last year at the holidays, but I also want to have a CHANCE at a normal life, which I can only get with help from people who care. Thank you.