From Loss to Survival: A Widow's Struggle

I lost my BEST FRIEND, my PERSON, my HUSBAND of 20 years to suicide. Things have been beyond difficult, let alone financially. I have zero family who is here or has helped. It takes EVERYTHING I have to get through each day.

He left me in a really difficult situation both financially and obviously emotionally. I'm 44 and trying to now figure out how to survive without him in so many ways. I have been working very hard TRYING to learn the phone, internet, and computer so I can start a job and see what happens. However, again I've had ZERO, I MEAN ZERO HELP from any of my family. It's taken me over a year just to empty our 3 storages and kept getting eviction letters for having totes everywhere. I've never worked so hard in my life and most days it seems pointless, yet I keep going for some reason. When he did what he did that night, our lot rent was $325; it's now almost $1000 a month. I've lost car insurance, this is the last month of my phone, and I need phone and internet for this job. I have enough food for less than a week probably. I have paid most of his bills, but there is so much I didn't know. I just found yet another credit card he hid from me. My credit has gone in the toilet due to what he did when he was alive and having mental issues. I don't know all that he has even done because I can't keep up and have NO HELP. YES, my family knows. They said they were gonna help and do all kinds of stuff because they knew the severity of what he did when he was alive. I WAITED AND WAITED AND WAITED AND THEY NEVER CAME NOR CALLED TO TELL ME THEY WERE NOT DOING ANY OF WHAT THEY SAID. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL AND I'M THE DEFINITION OF ALONE, YET I'M STILL HERE AND ROLLING EVERY DAMN DAY BUT I'M GOING IN CIRCLES AND CAN'T KEEP UP! I'm not okay at all and desperately need help, and I'm not one to ask. But if I can't get through this next month or two and have the time to learn this computer stuff, then I won't make it. He did the computers and phones, so I've started from scratch. It's very hard, but I'm doing it, at least trying. I honestly don't know how I've made it this long without ANY SUPPORT. It's all I can do to push the thoughts as far away as I can so I can put one foot in front of the other every day. If it wasn't for my 2 fur babies, Pearl and Cruzer, I wouldn't probably be here. I know we all work very hard for our money and the economy is shit, and I'm sorry to ask, but we would appreciate any help, even just sharing this post. Thank you so very much.