From Abuse to Hope: Your Help Needed

Hello, this is my first ever fundraiser, so I'm really sorry if it sounds bad. I'm not expecting money, really, just someone to listen or relate to mostly.

So... Growing up wasn't always easy for me. I grew up with a drunk dad who'd beat me and my mom. I've been through abuse for 19 years until I escaped and ran far, far away. Currently, I'm struggling to get a place due to autism and a heart condition called IST. When I work, my heart shoots up to 170+ bpm, and I end up blacking out and getting fired. At Kroger, I got fired from the staff team for being mentally slow and not being able to catch up like the others.

You see, I never got help with my health conditions or mental disabilities. I was always yelled at and told I'm a woman, I'm only supposed to be a housewife and serve under his feet. At a very young age, I was constantly molested by my stepfather and verbally and physically abused by him. I would see him beat and hit my mother and force her into sexual actions, which I wish I could've done something more for her. All I did was cry and scream for him to stop or let him beat and touch me instead because I hated seeing my mother suffer.

The abuse was mild, just yelling and sexual touching from Monday to Thursday, but it was really bad from Friday to Sunday. That's when he'd drink whiskey instead and force me and my mom to do things to please him, or he'd get violent and hurt us.

Enough of that sob story. I'm deeply struggling with a place, medical care, health care, and food. I don't know what I'm doing. I asked for my family's help but got pushed aside because my mom would lie and always say I was overreacting to cover up the abuse. So now my family thinks I'm always lying and know what I'm doing, which I truly don't.

I deal with autism and coping by myself because my stepdad didn't believe women should know how to live on their own. Right now, I'm at the end of my rope. I've been heavily suicidal because it feels like when I reach out for help, no one is there. I've been in the hospital many times for suicide attempts, self-harm, and heart problems. I'm extremely anorexic and only weigh 89 pounds because food is hard to get.

I don't understand why life is so hard and likes to make me suffer. I hope one day it'll be easier, and I'm sorry if one day I do end up taking my life. I'm just so tired, and it's hard to fight in a life I don't want to fight for. Thank you for staying and reading this. Like I said, you don't have to donate, but reading this means a lot. Thank you <33.