Help me make a fresh start after abandonment

Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am in disbelief as I am writing this, as the horrors that occurred that led to starting this fundraiser are still so fresh and painful.

I’m a Korean-Canadian woman who has been living in Edinburgh for the past seven years. My dog, Frank, and I made a home here; we’ve built a community here. I work as a local dog walker, illustrator, and teacher at the Edinburgh Medical School during term time. It has never been easy, but I thought we were making it work, especially with who I thought was my extremely supportive (now ex-) partner.

Until yesterday, I was engaged to be wed this October to this man who I thought was my person. Someone to build a life with, someone to share everything with. I depended on him, as he made me feel safe to do so — he was generous, telling me that he just wanted to support me in making my creative dreams come true. I depended on him financially, as he asked me to. He told me that he will do everything in his power to keep me here in Edinburgh, that he will marry me so that we can stay together regardless of my visa status that is due to expire in November. He said and did all the right things. I trusted him when he said he would never abandon me. I believed every word he said.

Then, he called off our engagement out of the blue, and with such needless cruelty. I thought that something was up when I had just had a major operation less than a week ago and he just vanished during my recovery, but I told myself I shouldn’t be too needy, that I shouldn’t be too vulnerable. But when he finally showed up, he stood in the entrance of my flat and immediately said that he’s got to call off the marriage. He said that he thought he loved me, but it was just touch starvation; he said that doing things for me felt like a chore/work that wasn’t worth the reward; his last words to me were ‘feel free to invoice me for the flight back to Canada’. To think that he was sending me photos of the engagement ring he was getting made just a few days prior gives me whiplash.

This confirmed all of my nightmares: that I am only good for my body, that I am/need too much, that everything I thought we had was merely transactional, and lastly, that my life in Edinburgh was more precarious than ever.

I am in shock, disbelief, and grief. I feel like I got hit by a truck. My head is ringing and my eyes feel heavy. My limbs are on fire. My surgical wounds are so bruised and sore. I can’t stop crying. I can’t really move. And I feel so, so alone.

I don’t feel that I have the luxury of time to really recover fully before I start planning my way out. Or maybe it’s that my feelings are just too overwhelming at the moment that I’d rather throw myself into planning. I need a fresh start. I need to find a place where Frank and I can really build a life with a robust community. Unless I magically find a job that will sponsor my visa to stay in the UK, it means moving back to Canada, or going back there to apply for the Commonwealth visa, which costs about £6000 including flights there and back. Either way, I need your help to get me and Frank through this time.

I don’t yet know what Frank and I are going to do or what we’re supposed to do. I’m figuring it out slowly with my close friends who are helping us. But we do need some funds to carry us through my post-op recovery, my extremely precarious employment situation, Frank’s upcoming operation, and the grief that I’m pushing aside as best as I can for now in crisis.

Please help me and Frank — a donation, a share, a job lead, a postcard club subscription , an art purchase … every little bit helps us. Thank you.