Hank is 88. (Just turned, Happy Birthday Hank!)
Hank became a cryonicist way back around the time the Beatles landed in America. This means that when he dies, he’d like to be stored at -321° F in liquid nitrogen until who-knows-when, when near-miraculous technology just might arrive to repair and revive him. And he could once again hear I Want To Hold Your Hand.
Hank’s been diagnosed with cancer twice.
Hank knows this isn’t a sure thing--like cremation, burial or a funeral pyre. But he does have a lot of faith in future science, figures it’s worth a shot, and has already pre-paid for his own long-term storage in a Michigan cryonics facility.
And he’s got some other stuff going on, too.
So, why does Hank need your help? Because, although Hank lives in Minnesota, before we ship him off to Michigan, we can’t just throw him in a snow bank with his LifeAlert®. We need medical equipment for immediate post-death oxygenation and circulation, we need dependable, equipped-for-emergency transportation, and we need trained on-call medical personnel who can quickly cool him down and transport him with minimal additional cellular damage.
Hank would like to see the future.
Initial costs for the necessary equipment, transportation and personnel training will be high. Once we have it all in place, our ongoing costs to help Hank and others like him will be, for the most part, covered by required funding from members of our fledgling-but-growing Minnesota nonprofit cryonics organization, Minnesota Cryonics Rapid Response (MCRR). Hank is a board member and comes to all the meetings, eating a good portion of the donuts.
Hank really wants to be cryogenically suspended.
We’re trying really hard to be creative and cost-effective in becoming the type of organization that can reliably help both Hank and his younger cryonicist friends--who could very well need our services before he does. (You never know.) Any contribution will be spent painstakingly and will, we hope, eventually further the cause of cryonics throughout Minnesota, the five-state area, the U.S. and around the world. (Yeah, we’re pretty ambitious for having no money.)
Hank is a cool guy.
We almost certainly need as much as $50,000* for our initial costs. Closer to $100,000 seems more realistic, and would allow us to better plan for and handle the inevitable unforeseen. We’ll throw Hank in a snow bank** if we have to. But that would significantly diminish his chances. Donations exceeding $50,000 will receive a personal thank-you phone call from you-know-who: Hank. Which will be worth it. Because he’s a real talker. (Kind of shy actually.) But try to get him to do his Sam Kinison impersonation regardless. It’ll be the best 50-grand you ever donated.
* We'll do whatever we can with whatever we can pull together. (Please help with the pulling.) For example: As a start, we'd like to train a couple of motivated paramedics for an urgent, basic response to ensure stop-gap cooling.
** No, no. Please not that.
Please help us help Hank.
Maybe you think Hank has lived long enough. (Nice.) He doesn’t. We don’t. And you wouldn’t either if you knew him. The fact is, even from Hank’s perspective, life is short. Too short. Way too short. (You’ll find out soon enough when you get there.) Hank has been giving generously to others his entire life. (Not necessarily money, but of himself.) We say, what the heck, give Hank a shot.
Hank, Hank, Hank.
If you agree, even a little bit, please help us out with a little-bitty donation. If you agree a lot, send a lot. If you think Hank isn’t worth two-cents, send a penny. We’ll buy some bags of ice. Even though Hank’s mother lived to be 100 (not suspended unfortunately), we hope you’ll share our very real and sincere sense of urgency for him. Because, while Hank has agreed to be the poster boy for this lighthearted request to get Minnesota Cryonics Rapid Response (MCRR) up and running, we’re dead-serious about the need for your help. Very extremely serious, anyway.
Hurry for Hank.
Anyway, please help Hank get frozen today. Because, like they say, life is short. But, then again, maybe it doesn’t have to be. With a little help from his friends, Hank may find out. Please be one of Hank’s friends. We thank you. Hank thanks you. Peace. All you need is love. And at least $50,000. Help!
Who The Hell Is Hank?
He’s Hank. What the hell else do you need to know? And, boy, does he need your help. Plus, resultant advances in cryonics/low-temperature medicine could very well be medical advances that eventually benefit the living. That’s you and yours. (You never know.) Stuff like that happens all the time. Look at all of the good stuff we got from the moon landing. If you want, think of Hank as an astronaut, going off into the Great Unknown, and you’re helping the space program. (Maybe closer to the truth than you think.) Thanks again. PS, Hank isn’t asking for money for a puppy. He just doesn’t particularly want to die. He’s gazed into the abyss and the abyss has gazed into him, and neither one of them likes what they saw. (Ripped off from Brother Theodore.)
NOTE: Donators of $10,000 or more need not leave a tip. And no one will call you cheap if you only donate $10. (You can do it anonymously.) But don’t, because we want to know who our friends are. Of course, we already consider you a friend merely for reading this far. Thanks, friend. And, oh, by the way, even though, as previously mentioned, Hank plans on getting shipped to Michigan for his suspension, we also plan to serve members of our group if they want to be shipped to and stored long-term in Scottsdale, Arizona. (Snobs.) If you’re still reading this and you’re Bill Gates, come on Bill, let’s go. Ninety-nine billion? That’s ridiculous. Love your software. Very futuristic.
Visit our Minnesota Cryonics Rapid Response website at:
Please show your support for cryonics by adding your name to our growing Minnesota/Wisconsin Meetup group:
Very, Very, Very, Very Important: Please help us spread this cryonics GoFundMe message by way of any and all social media. Because promoting cryonics locally is promoting cryonics everywhere. Thanks. We need you. We need each other.
"Supporting Cryonics In Minnesota Is Supporting Cryonics Everywhere"