I think I’m at my lowest point, and I’m not sure what else to do.
The amount of people I’ve emailed and health workers I’ve spoken to, how hard I have to kick to keep my head above water and while I try and pull myself up, I am yanked back down again.
What should be an 18 week wait is now a 5 year wait.
I’m struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts, I have no self worth.
I’m surrounded by unfortunate events that include serious injury, death, job loss, partner leaving me due to unable to pursue goals together, loss of home, loss of a good credit reference as I could no longer afford to pay my debts, isolation due to a poorly managed pandemic, long waiting lists for problems that doctors are trying to keep under control with medication which is starting to no longer work, and now I am stuck in a home where the neighbours constantly bully us, and don’t care to listen, in a home where I’ve just experienced the heartbreak of knowing and witnessing my own flesh and blood telling someone that I abuse them.
I’m torn up inside and horrifically conflicted, if I leave, it will be used against me especially as she has planted the seed already that I am their abuser. Who would be believed, the severely disabled and vulnerable person or me?
The help I have available I do not qualify for, finding a home suitable is difficult in these times. I have no assets and I’m selling my stuff to get money but it’s rainwater trying to flood a pool the size of a football pitch.
I’m trapped in my body. I’m trapped with someone who emotionally bullies me and my father, I’m trapped in my home by neighbours who hate us for no genuine reason.
I’ve exhausted everything. I either get advice for things that I already am trying, or a false hope that maybe there’s a lead somewhere.
“Good point I’ll tell someone else about that”
“Sorry i can’t help with that go to X”
“X no longer exists”
Housing agencies pay fees for you, they don’t home hunt, and suitable accommodation isn’t easy come by. I wish it didn’t sound like I am being fussy. I am being realistic to actual needs, but somehow am falling a few thousand a year short and will always fail the referencing. No one I know meets the criterion to be a guarantor either.
I need to get out.
I really really need out...
I want to find a home,
I want to get the medical help I need.
I want to get back to work.
I want to pay off the debts that were a biproduct of being taken advantage of.
So please, every little helps. Everything. A share is just as important.
£15,000 wouldn’t be enough, but at the bare minimum I can seek medical help with it, and lift a couple of debts off my shoulders.
First and foremost though… I desperately need to finalise my transition so I can move forward…
Thanks for your time...
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