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Forres Target Shooting Club: A Most Curious Habitat of the Scottish Marksman.

In the far reaches of North East Scotland, nestled inconspicuously among the flora, fauna, and questionable broadband, lies a species so elusive, so understated, that many locals are entirely unaware of its existence. This… is the Forres Target Shooting Club.

For over 113 years, this peculiar social organism has thrived quietly in the wilds of Moray, camouflaged by modesty, cold tea, and a building last updated when rationing was still a thing.

Let us observe…

Once used by the Royal Air Force — and now resembling something between a World War II artefact and a particularly determined shed — the building is home to a rare and diverse population.

From sprightly 11-year-olds to seasoned 92-year-old sharpshooters, the club functions as a multi-generational sanctuary, bound together by one common ritual: making small metal pellets go very fast in very straight lines.

Despite its near-invisibility to the human eye (and Google Maps), the club has recently seen a surprising surge in interest — largely due to the 2024 Olympic shooting events, and the revelation that “social media” is not, in fact, a covert surveillance branch of MI5.

Now, they face an unexpected challenge: too many humans, not enough targets.

To adapt, the club has introduced a new technology into the habitat: the SPORT QUANTUM electronic target system. A remarkable piece of kit that allows shooters to train, compete, and — in the case of the younger ones — play video type games that involve slightly fewer exploding mushrooms than usual.

Remarkably, the club also supports a behaviour known locally as “plinking.”

This activity, involving the joyful annihilation of metal and paper targets as well as “spinners”, has proven to be a gateway to more structured forms of shooting — much like how a casual interest in birdwatching can lead to full-blown twitching and a second mortgage on binoculars.

The Social Structure

What’s fascinating about this community is its total lack of hierarchy. There are no alphas, no peacocks strutting about. All members — regardless of age, experience, or biscuit preference — are treated equally.

Even more astonishing is the gender dynamic. In contrast to most competitive sports, men and women here compete on equal footing. In fact, if you were to search “Forres shooter” online, you would not find police reports, but rather a group of remarkably talented women currently wiping the floor with the lads. Quietly. Efficiently.

The Climate Challenge

But alas, the habitat is under threat.

The structure in which the club resides, built circa the late Pleistocene (or possibly 1930s), suffers from extreme weather conditions. In winter, the internal temperature can rival that of the lunar surface. In summer, it climbs to a balmy “still need a jumper.”

Conservation efforts are underway.

The club has started a campaign via the platform known as GoFundMe — a modern ritual wherein humans send money to strangers online, usually because someone has promised to sit in baked beans or wax their legs.

But here, the request is simple: help us survive another 113 years — ideally without icicles forming inside the kettle.

They don’t ask for much. A warm, accessible, modern shelter. One with insulation. Maybe even a toilet that doesn’t double as an ice cave. A place where shooters of all ages and abilities — including those with disabilities — can come together and shoot calmly and responsibly in a well-ventilated environment.

The club has had members reach Commonwealth Games level, joined the British Shooting Pathway, and even trained Duke of Edinburgh participants — all without ever raising their voices or their heating bills.

And yet...

Despite articles in Shooting Times, BASC, and the Forres Gazette, donations remain at zero.

A tragic case of digital extinction, perhaps. Overshadowed by influencers shaving their eyebrows and dancing with cats.

So now, dear viewer, if you’ve been moved by this story — if you wish to preserve this rare and noble species, keep its kettle boiling, and perhaps one day even see it flourish in a building with heating — consider donating.

For in the wilds of Forres, there beats the heart of a truly extraordinary tribe — armed not with ego, but target guns. And quite often, jam tarts.

Iain Scott

Club Secretary / Accidental Social Media Admin / Keeper of the Sacred GOFUNDME Password