It's funny how we as humans think: time is infinite and we're almost ALWAYS surprised when it ends.

As one who never drank, smoked or did any illicit drugs, I never dreamed I'd become a dialysis patient. I've heard the whispers: "it's a disease for druggies and drunks".

 

The reality is it's an illness that can be brought on by many factors. In my case and many others, it is hereditary. I have several members (on my mother's side only) that are either on dialysis or have passed away due to kidney failure. There are other contributing factors such as excessive use of certain pain medications, diabetes, high blood pressure and several other comorbidities.

 

That said, I hit the trifecta! I not only was predisposed via heredity, I have high Blood pressure, diabetes and to add injury to insult, I have very painful rheumatoid arthritis. All of these factors make it difficult to walk, exercise (I used to run 10 miles every other day and participate in other sports) and enjoyed fitness. Now my days are consumed with 3 days of dialysis (most days I can't do anything for 12 hours post-treatment), doctor appointments and specialists.

 

These criteria and the fact that I'm in constant pain make me an ineffective candidate for employment so my self worth has been vastly downgraded (I know who I am versus who I used to be). You'll find some irony in my story in that although I worked in healthcare for almost 40 years, I could not afford coverage for my self AND my family so I did without. No one wanted to take me on as a patient because I had no health coverage and I traveled for a living so I was in a different city almost every month. The net result is I would take whatever over-the-counter pain reliever would hold me over until I had to go urgent care or the E/R.

 

My former colleagues with whom I worked with give me the old "side-eye" and wouldn't hire me if I were the last person on earth it seems. I am a burden on my family at this point and sub consciously I'm sure life would be easier for them If I wasn't here any longer (forgive the "poor me" narrative, that's not my intent - I'm just a realist).

 

All these things to say, I need help to resolve residual co-pays, co-insurances and deductibles. Since I'm not yet 62 and 1/2 I don't yet qualify for Social Security and I have no income. My wife makes just enough as a nurse to keep a roof over our heads, but she too has illnesses of her own that she's fighting through.

My goal is to raise enough to resolve the debts that I incurred from those who have been kind enough to care for me and to leave enough of a stipend so that my family does not have to struggle to bury me.

 

My time is short (I can tell - the pains are getting worse and I'm losing the battle of cognitive thinking - I can just feel it coming on) that is why I'm trying to be proactive.

 

I would LOVE to work for the funds, I just don't know who would want me - if you have ideas I'm willing to listen. Some are too selfish to care, others have problems of their own. Don't take this opportunity to feel sorry for me - or to bash me because you've never walked in my shoes. Mine is a painful journey and I walk it alone.

 

One of Stevie Wonder's song's has a lyric that goes "...As for me, I know I'm living for tomorrow, which makes me the past, but that I mustn't fear; for I know deep in my mind the love of me I've left behind for I'll be loving you always"

If you have it, then may God bless you for your kindness and generosity, if you don't I pray that you will be blessed abundantly so that the next person in need may receive your support. I also pray that you never find yourself in this predicament.

Blessings to each of you and yours.
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