Help My Boys Craig and Cameron After Tragic Crash

Thank You Doesn’t Seem Like Enough

The Things that God is revealing and teaching me through this journey.

“God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. ~ Psalms 46:1, NASB”

On July 8, 2023, our lives were forever changed. At approximately 10:26 PM, Craig and Cameron were in a tragic automobile accident. The car flipped, caught on fire, and they were both fully ejected from the vehicle. The Grasonville Fire Department, Paramedics, EMT’s, and State Police arrived on the scene. At first, they thought that Craig had passed, but then God laid it on someone’s heart to check on Craig; this person responded, and a faint pulse was found, Craig was indeed alive, thanks be to God. God was preserving and sustaining their lives. Craig and Cameron were both ventilated in the field and assessed for injuries. They called for the second Maryland State Police medevac helicopter, as one had already been called for Cameron. They both were transported to University of Maryland Shock Trauma Medical Center in Baltimore, Maryland.

In the exceedingly early morning hours of July 9, 2023, I was overwhelmed with so many raw emotions. I was filled with so much fear, anger, sorrow, grief, and frustration for I knew in my heart that both Craig and Cameron were seriously injured, though I did not know the extent of their injuries. I was not being told anything, only that I had to get to the University of Maryland Shock Trauma Medical Center in Baltimore, Maryland right away. The drive to Baltimore seemed to take forever. Wayne and I prayed, as we were traveling to Baltimore, unknown to us of what to expect.

Once we arrived at shock trauma, we learned that both Craig and Cameron had suffered extensive injuries and that they both had been admitted to the ICU on different floors. Craig had been admitted to the Neurotrauma ICU and Cameron had been admitted to the Multi-trauma ICU. They would take us to see Cameron first and then they would take us to see Craig. I consistently went from floor to floor to spend time with both of my boys, talking with doctors and medical staff. Making decisions that needed to be made for both of my boys. Doctor Scalea, came into Craig’s room to talk with me; as he sat down in front of me, he began with, “I am not going to pretend that I know what you are going through because I do not have children, and I am not married, but you need to settle in and make sure you are taking care of yourself because it is going to be a very long journey and that he would be there for a while. Then he will need months of rehabilitation.”

Craig was in a coma and had suffered a severe complex brain injury, specifically a Diffuse Axonal injury, as well as multiple skull fractures. Craig also has multiple facial fractures and has a hole in his left ear drum, which is allowing the cerebral spinal fluid to drain from his ear. He has become sepsis, as he has meningitis, which is positive in the cerebral spinal fluid, blood, and lungs. He had fractured both the right and left pelvis. He was placed on full support ventilation. It is my understanding from various paramedic personnel, that Craig was the first in the State of Maryland to receive “Blood on Board” whole blood transfusion by the State Police of Maryland medevac emergency medical technicians. Thanks be to God, for providing this provision, for this first became available on July 1, 2023, in the state of Maryland. Craig would need to have an External Ventricle Drain placed to allow the cerebral spinal fluid to drain to prevent pressure from building in the brain. He would also need to have a chest tube placed for a collapsed lung to the right side. Cameron had suffered multiple facial fractures. He fractured his left pelvis, femur, and tibia. He will need to have a titanium rod placed in his left leg. He had also fractured his right pelvis.

Cameron fractured his ribs four through nine. He fractured a total of eight vertebras in the L1 through 4 and T7 through 11 area of the spine. Cameron’s liver was also lacerated, which would heal. Cameron was beginning to respond to auditory commands, thanks be to God; and would soon be taken off the ventilator.

“1 And David spoke the words of this song to the LORD in the day that the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. 2 He said, "The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; 3 My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence. ~ 2 Samuel 22:1-3, NASB”

Over the course of the next few days, weeks, and even months Cameron and Craig will go through a lot, from both a physical and emotional standpoint. Cameron would go through surgery to have the titanium rod placed in his left leg. He would then in time be transported to a rehabilitation and nursing center in Chestertown, Maryland to receive physical therapy for his injuries. After discharging from the rehabilitation and nursing center, Cameron would need to return to University of Maryland Shock Trauma Medical Center for a collapsed lung and have a chest tube placed. This does sometimes happen after experiencing trauma that he has suffered. Once he is discharged from shock trauma for a second time, Cameron will need to go through approximately four weeks of in-home physical therapy, and then will move to outpatient physical therapy for approximately 4 to 6 more weeks. However, his ribs and vertebrae’s will take four to six months to completely heal. Once Cameron has finished with his physical therapy, he will enter a residential program that will help in working through the emotional trauma.

Craig would undergo a craniotomy, craniectomy, and later a cranioplasty once it is safe enough to do so. He will have multiple External Ventricle Drain placements done and multiple Subdural Drain placements. He will have multiple chest tube placements for collapsed lung issues to his left lung. They would attempt to repair his left eardrum through a surgical procedure called a Middle ear and Mastoid Obliteration with fat graft. However, this would not be able to be done due to experiencing Bradycardia, which is when the heart rate drops below sixty beats per minute. He will have a gastrostomy- jejunostomy tube placed, this is also known as a “G-J tube”. The G-port will be used to vent air, drain fluid, and give medications if needed. The J-port will be used for feeding. Craig also would go through a video assisted Thoracotomy with Bronchoscopy to look at lung function. We have learned that Craig has an abscess that was located between the lung and his heart, which had ruptured and compromised about a half an inch of tissue around the lung, which needed to be removed. This was mostly removed as they could not remove all of it because it was too close to his heart. He also has a multi-drug resistant bacterium, called pseudomonas aeruginosa. He will be placed on contact precaution, due to the multi drug resistant bacteria being present. Craig would also go through a DSA angioplasty procedure, which provides images of blood vessels in the brain to detect any problems with blood flow. We have learned that Craig has an aneurysm which will need a stent later and that he also has a left ventricle thrombosis. The thrombosis in the left ventricle is inoperable, for it is too dangerous. For the time being they will treat these with aspirin and Plavix. He has experienced multiple episodes of Neurostroming, which is when the blood pressure is elevated, and adrenaline production is increased, and the body requires more energy to operate. He would also experience additional periods of Bradycardia. Craig would also have an Ommaya reservoir placed in the subdural area of his brain, this will allow any cerebral spinal fluid to collect and be extracted if needed. This would be the first time that an Ommaya reservoir is used in this manner. Thanks be to God for providing all these provisions, as it is by His grace, that He is preserving and sustaining Craig’s life.

On July 10, 2023, Craig would undergo his first major neurological surgery. The surgery seemed to take forever, as I sat waiting and the tears would fall from my eyes; yet trying to hold it altogether. By God’s amazing grace I was comforted as I sat talking with Wayne, praying, reading scripture, and receiving words of encouragement from others. After many hours of surgery, Dr. Aarabi, Craig’s surgeon came to speak with me. He told me that, “the surgery went well, and that he was cautiously optimistic. However, the sooner that Craig, awoke from the coma, the better.” He further stated, “that every brain is different, every traumatic brain injury is different, and every person is different. That only time will tell what Craig’s prognosis will be.”, but I know and trust that Craig’s prognosis is in God’s sovereign hands. In this time, I draw near to God. He is my rock and my shield. His way is blameless, I will find refuge in Him all of my days. For I know and trust in my Father who knows the plans which He has laid for my boys, my family, and me; they are perfect, true, and good.

“31 "As for God, His way is blameless; The word of the LORD is tested; He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him. 32 "For who is God, besides the LORD? And who is a rock, besides our God? 33 "God is my strong fortress; And He sets the blameless in His way. ~ 2 Samuel 22:31-33, NASB”

The months ahead will be a difficult journey and we will be learning what our “new normal” will look like, but I know my God is with me every step of the way. I do not know what the future will be for Craig, Cameron, and our family but I must lean on and trust in my Father. I will be grateful with a thankful heart for whatever my Father has planned for all of us. There will be so many details that I will need to pay attention to. Things that I have not thought of or even considered yet. There will be times of emotional discomfort and pain. There will be days of not completely understanding and discouragement. There will be days filled with tears of sadness and tears of joy. I will continually set the LORD before me. He will be at my right hand. He will not let me be shaken. My flesh will dwell securely in Him who loves me, and He will guide me and direct the journey that I am on with both Craig and Cameron. My heart will be glad, and my glory will rejoice in my Father.

“8 I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will dwell securely. ~ Psalms 16:8, NASB”

I have been trying to find the words, and it just seems like words cannot express enough the overwhelming Joy, Peace, Comfort, and Love that I have in my heart for the out poor of prayers, thoughts, gifts, and words of encouragement that my family, has received on behalf of Craig, Cameron, Wayne, and I, as well as our entire family. I have been told of so many churches across the United States that have put Craig and Cameron on their prayer list or of people who are praying for them. People I don’t even know are praying for my boys and our family.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. ~ James 5:16, NASB”

I am so thankful for each one of you. God has given me the most wonderful family, church family, friends, and work family that I could ever imagine. He has provided the most caring and compassionate doctors, nurses, patient care technicians, respiratory therapist, and secretaries, at University of Maryland Shock Trauma Medical Center. All the staff including the security guards and the front desk personnel have been so kind.

Everyone on Trauma 4S has become an extension of family as they have come along side me in this challenging time and cared for Craig and Cameron. Every staff member of Trauma 4S will ask how things are going with both Craig and Cameron. They all will ask how I am doing or give encouragement to me. They have laughed and cried tears of joy with me through the boy's progression. God has abundantly blessed me in ways that I don’t even deserve, and He continues to pour out His blessings and grace on my boys, my family, and me. He is showing me new mercies and blessings with each passing moment and every new day that He gives, as we are all going through this trial and this time of suffering. While I may not fully understand, I know that this is necessary for a time and that God works all things for good according to His will. I do sometimes struggle and fall short, yet it is in these times that I need to seek God for comfort, wisdom, direction, and even forgiveness.

“23 And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes." 24Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief." ~ Mark 9:23-24, NASB”

My Father has ordained all my days even before I was conceived. There is not one day that He does not sovereignly rule over. He is sovereign over the macro and the micro of things; every detail, every circumstance of my life is important to Him. This is true for Craig and Cameron and all of man. There is nothing He does not know, for He is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.

“Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. ~ Psalms 139:16, NASB”

I am completely dependent upon my Father, knowing that my boys, I, and my family are in a season which is appropriately in its time. Yet not fully understanding nor knowing all that God is doing as he purposely does not reveal all things. I am not to know all things; but I am to trust in my Father who loves me and is with me. My Father, who is infinitely eternal and I long deeply for.

“He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11, NASB”

I alone am not able to bear this burden for it is too much for me to endure. I was not made to carry burdens such as these. I must give them to my Father for He will sustain me and not allow me to be shaken. This is something that I must do daily as I fall short and struggle in leaving it with my Father. In times of despair and suffering as finite beings that we are, we can think that God is not near; yet He is ever present and near. He is working in our lives. All we need to do is seek Him through prayer and spend time with Him in communion.

“Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. ~ Psalms 55:22, NASB”

I know that my Abba Father is with me as I face each challenge and make each decision that needs to be made. I know it is through His strength that I can face each day. He is carrying me and protecting my boys and family. I know that God in His sovereignty is in complete control of this situation, and we are all in His loving arms. He cares for my boys, my family, and me. He will lift the suffering in the proper time.

“6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:6-7, NASB”

He is giving me peace, which surpasses all understanding. I am thankful for His grace which is “all-sufficient” and that I have Him to turn to through prayer and supplication. He is my refuge. There is none like Him. He will never forsake me. He never slumbers nor sleeps. He protects me from all evil and guards my soul. He is with me both day and night. He will not let my foot slip. He provides my every need. There is nothing impossible with God. There is nothing too difficult for God. My help comes from the LORD.

“26Then the word of the LORD came to Jeremiah, saying, "27Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?" ~ Jeremiah 32:26-27, NASB”

I am to be content in all circumstances of my life, in all that is happening with my boys and our entire family. I bring nothing into this world, and I will take nothing out of this world. I am to be content or satisfied in both abundance and with little. This is not something that comes easily, this is something that I am learning. I am finding Joy in all that God gives to me. It is by His grace that I can have an inner peace despite the outward circumstances because it is He who strengthens me. I am in Christ; He infuses me with His strength to sustain me through this trial until He gives me some provision.

“11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:11-13, NASB”

My LORD and Creator does not grow weary. He cares for my boys, me, and our family. My Father never fails, though I do not comprehend how He chooses to fulfill His promises. I will patiently through prayers wait on the LORD for I am blessed by God with strength in this trial. When I lack might, He will increase my power. By His strength I will not grow weary or tired. There are good days and there are tough days. In all my days, I will wait on my LORD.

“28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth Does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. 29 He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power. 30 Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, 31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. ~ Isaiah 40:28-31, NASB”

My Father and my God hears my cries and my prayers. He knows my sorrows and the pains in my heart. My God pays attention and cares about my needs. He cares about the smallest and largest details of my life. He knows the things that I love and hold dear to my heart. My Father is showing me the areas of my life which I struggle to bring to Him in time of need. He is showing me the areas of my life, in which I am trying to be lord of, instead of trusting in Him. He is showing me that He is all that I have to hold on too, for I don’t have anything else but Him. I call to my Father when my heart is faint, and when I am discouraged. My reliance is not in me but in my Father who is my rock and my refuge. He is my strength against my enemies. I will take shelter under His wings of care.

“1 Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer. 2 From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3 For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy. 4 Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah. ~ Psalms 61:1-4, NASB”

My God is faithful to His promises. He is with me with every step I take. He is with me through every trial, I go through. He is with me in every moment of suffering and in every blessing I receive. He will strengthen me. He will help me and uphold me with His righteous hand. My God is the Alpha and Omega. My God is infinite and eternal. My God is holy. My God is immutable or unchanging. My God is wisdom. My God is just and righteous. My God is goodness and truth. My God is divine grace and merciful. My God is faithful and forgiving. My God is loving and patient. My God is compassionate.

“'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' ~ Isaiah 41:10, NASB”

As I sit here thinking and reflecting about all that is going on, I remember that I have hope in the Lord. For the LORD’s lovingkindness never ceases and His compassion for my boys, my family, and me never fails. The Lord cannot love me any more than He already does. He knows that my heart breaks as I sit holding Craig’s hand, talking to him, reading to him, praying with him, and waiting for him to wake from this coma. He knows my heart cries as I know and watch Cameron going through the emotional and physical turmoil. He knows when my fears and doubts consume me. He knows that my heart breaks every time I must leave Craig and Cameron side. I must remember in these times and in all times, that He knows the things that I care about. He knows my every concern. He knows all my desires as He is the one that gives me the desires of my heart. He knows my every thought even before I have them. His faithfulness is great. His compassion and lovingkindness are new every morning. My Father is good, He does not make mistakes, He will uphold me with His righteous hand. He is my portion for my soul. I will hope in Him and wait patiently on my Father to lift the suffering in its proper time.

“21 This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. 22 The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. 24 “The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." 25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. 26 It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD. ~ Lamentations 3:21-26, NASB”

In Christ I will have peace even though I will have tribulations in this world. My Father has overcome all the suffering of this sinful world and will one day come again. I will take courage in His lovingkindness. He will be my refuge in all that this suffering world gives to me, my boys, and my family. It is because of Christ and what He has done for me, through His life, death, and resurrection that I have hope and peace which surpasses all understanding. I, my boys, and my family are in his loving arms. He will protect me from all evil.

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33, NASB”

On August 24,2023, just as my fears started to overwhelm me about placements for Craig until he can go into a rehabilitation center. Or I fear the next steps for Cameron. God continues to show me His sovereignty and how His divine providence rules over even the smallest of details. After, six weeks and five days of Craig being in a coma and not responding to auditory commands; though he may not be consistent in following these commands, I will praise God for His blessings. Craig begins to give a thumbs up, a peace sign, wiggling his toes, sticking his tongue out, track voices or even turn his head in the direction he is asked. He will squeeze my hand when I ask him to and has even opened his eyes once for a moment. Or I get a call from the college Cameron was accepted to in Florida, is going to move him to a later start date, so that he does not drop out of the system, if he chooses to attend. They are willing to work with him any way they can. God providentially controls every circumstance down to the smallest detail and even the very timing of everything. He has everything in His sovereign hands. I must remember this always and trust in my Lord as sometimes I stumble in remembering and meditating on God’s promises.

“29 Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. ~ Matthew 10:29-31, NASB”

Today, August 28, 2023, I will rejoice in my Lord. God continues to show me He is the Good Shepherd. He is my Shepherd, and I am one of His sheep. He continues to pour out His excessive love, blessings, and power on my boys, my family, and me. He is abundantly supplying my every need during this challenging time and forevermore. I shall not want because my Lord will provide, even though I may not always understand how He is providing. His grace knows no limits for those who love the Lord. When my heart is filled with God, I can accomplish all that God desires to do in and through me. God is with me as I go through the valleys of life and when I am on top of the mountain. He restores my soul. His goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life. He will guide me in the path of righteousness for His name's sake. God is continuing to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine. God is restoring Craig’s ability to follow auditory commands. God is continually restoring his cognitive functions. God continues to increase his spontaneous movements. God is restoring his health and healing him. Craig will lift his legs. He will lift his arms when asked to do so. Sometimes he tries to pull the covers off himself. Today he even smiled at me when I said, “Mama is here, and I love you!” He continues to squeeze my hand when I ask him to. Today, he put his hand on the side of my face and pulled me into him as if to give me a hug. When I asked him, “for a kiss” he lifted his head towards me, I kissed him on the cheek.

“1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. 3 He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. ~ Psalms 23:1-6, NASB”

My heart breaks as I watch Cameron holding all his emotions deep inside trying to handle all that is going on, yet not knowing how to work through the suffering. I grieve for him because he does not know the comfort of God as he is trying to go through this alone. I mourn for his soul as I see the tears fall down his face. I see the burden he is carrying, and I know it is more than he can bear; for he too was not made to carry burdens such as these. I know in my heart that God knows exactly where Cameron is, what he needs, and He cares for him. I pray that I may in some way be able to comfort him in his affliction with the comfort, I myself have because of my Father who comforts me. I pray that he will come to Christ seeking him who can give him peace and comfort, which surpasses all understanding, in even the most difficult of circumstances.

“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NASB”

As I sit here Friday, September 1, 2023, 8 weeks into this journey, waiting, thinking, and reflecting on what the next step is going to look like or be. I am filled with excitement, anxiousness, fear, and an uncomfortable sense for change as the medical staff is preparing for Craig’s transfer. Craig is being transferred to the University of Maryland Rehabilitation and Orthopedic Center sometime tonight. There will be adjustments with getting to know new medical staff and what rehabilitation will look like. There will be new schedules and routines to learn. There will be new nursing, therapy techniques, and exercises to learn that will aid with caring for him. I must remember to trust in the LORD and to do good. I am to cultivate fruitfulness. I am to delight in the LORD, and he will give me the desires of my heart. I am to commit my way to the LORD, trusting in Him and He will provide the way. For my LORD is immutable and perfect in every way.

“3 Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. ~ Psalms 37:3-5, NASB”

Today, September 6,2023, God continually supplies me with His amazing grace to endure this trial. He continues to teach me that His grace is sufficient. For His power is perfected in my weaknesses. In my days of difficulty, pain, and tears my God continues to pour out His blessings and mercy on my boys and my family. Again, today was one of those days. As God continues to restore Craig’s cognition. Just as I lean over Craig to look him in the eyes, as he has his eyes partially open to tell him that Cameron and I would be leaving soon and say, “I love you!”. Craig reaches his arm around me, pulls me into his chest and leans his head to lay his lips on my forehead to give me a kiss. I give thanks to my Father for continuing to restore Craig and Cameron and for all the healing that is taking place. I give thanks to my Father as I watch Cameron and can see him meditating deeply on all that is going on. I give thanks to my Father for restoring the cognitive functions that are being revealed in Craig. I give thanks for the time that God is giving me with both boys. I give thanks to God for giving me a husband that is trying to be patient with me. I give thanks to God for giving me a family that is trying to be understanding. My pleasure is not in my pains of this trial, but I rejoice in the power of Christ that is revealed through me during this time of suffering. I rejoice in the power of Christ being perfected, in my weaknesses. My hope is that my God’s grace shines forth in my weakness. That I always only boast in Him who strengthens me by His power and might. For when I am weak, then I am strong in Christ.

“9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NASB”

God is abundantly gracious; He is pouring His “grace upon grace” and mercy on my boys, my family, and me every day. Jesus Christ is “grace and truth”. He is continuing to show me how gracious He is to a sinner like me. He gives me so much to be thankful for, more than I deserve. As I visit with Craig on September 9, 2023, God is directing Craig’s progress. While Craig is still in a coma, he is immersing from the coma. God is allowing Craig to mouth the words “I love you!” and to give me a hug using both of his arms. Craig will also try to give me kisses. Craig is beginning to answer questions with a thumbs up for yes, or a thumbs down for no. He will also try, nodding his head, for yes or shaking his head for no. God’s grace upon grace is superabundantly displayed towards mankind, especially believers, who know and trust in Him.

 “For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. ~ John 1:16, NASB”

On this morning, the 15th of September, I am struggling as my heart and mind fill with discontent and “woe is me” feelings for myself and my boys. These thoughts are ungodly, and they are ungrateful; as I am missing the times when Craig would call about the small trivial things, or when he would seek my guidance about a situation knowing he would most likely get redirection from me on how to look at things differently. Or when I begin to miss the times when Craig would call just to say, “Hey Mama, I Love You!”. Then I begin to complain in discontent about not getting a return call from his nurse, because I just want to know how he is doing. Or as I behave in a manner which is unworthy, and not producing “Fruits of the Spirit” with Wayne; as I have begun to lash out with an ungentle spirit, and I am unloving, unkind, lacking humility and self-control in communicating my needs, my hurts, and my desires. It is in these times that I must go to God in prayer seeking forgiveness and rest in Him; dwelling under the wings of His shelter because He provides all things, and He loves me. He is the almighty God who allows these times and these trials, and He is also the almighty God who could change any of our circumstances, but this is the season of life with which He has us for His glory and our good. God’s plans are far better than mine, even though I don’t fully understand His ways. I must trust in Him knowing and believing that His ways are blameless and good. The riches of His glory are limitless to me. I am strengthened by His Spirit when I am obedient to Him, His Word, and submitting in full obedience to all that God commands of me. It is Christ who dwells in my heart through faith, for I am rooted and grounded in His love, though I sometimes stumble and fall. Who am I to question God’s divine authority and goodness. Who am I to question God’s divine rebuke.

“2 "I know that You can do all things, And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted. 3 'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?' Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know." 4 'Hear, now, and I will speak; I will ask You, and You instruct me.' 5 "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You; 6 Therefore I retract, And I repent in dust and ashes." ~ Job 42:2-6, NASB”

Then on the 16th of September my God continues to pour His grace upon Craig and Cameron. Today, Craig says “Mom” twice and smiles, then even laughs once for the first time in 10 weeks. Then I see God’s blessings as Cameron engages in Craig’s occupational therapy session; and as I watch Craig smile at Cameron. God shows me His blessing as I watch Cameron meditating deeply on the things, I am sharing with him on God’s grace, blessings, and mercies that have and are being poured out on all of us through this journey. God does give me peace, though I sometimes get in the way of receiving His peace because I allow the ungodly thoughts of this world to enter my heart and mind. It is in these times and even daily that I must put on the “Full Armor of God”. I am to put on the Belt of Truth, the Breastplate of Righteousness, the Shoes of the Gospel of Peace, the Shield of Faith, the Helmet of Salvation, the Sword of the Spirit, and Pray in the Spirit as I am instructed to do so in Ephesians 6:10-18.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. ~ John 14:27, NASB”

I can emphasize with Paul, for the very things I want to do; I do not do; and the things I don’t want to do, I do (Romans 7:18-19). God continues to pour His blessings, mercy, and grace upon my boys and family. He is blessing me in ways which I do not deserve. God continues to physically restore both Craig and Cameron. He continues to provide the medical staff with ease, to care for both of my boys. God continues to bless me with patience from family members, even when they don’t fully understand. He continues to provide ways for me to spend time with both of my boys. Craig is becoming more alert, and he is having longer periods of alertness. Today, the 17th of September, he even spoke the word “bye” to the speech therapist as she was leaving, and he walked 29-feet twice with assistance from the physical therapist. Craig would rub his hand on my face gently and give me a kiss goodbye. He continues to smile at me. Craig will turn and look at me when the medical staff tell him, “To look at Mom”. Cameron’s preoperative appointments went well, as the doctor stated, “that his lungs sounded very healthy and completely inflated”. Cameron continues to get physically stronger with each passing day. Cameron’s heart seemed to be softened a little as he filled up with tears as I spoke of my shortcomings and how I stumble before God, yet He continues to bless us all with His lovingkindness. I am thankful that “His Mercy is More”.

“8 The LORD is gracious and merciful; Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. 9 The LORD is good to all, And His mercies are over all His works. 10 All Your works shall give thanks to You, O LORD, And Your godly ones shall bless You. ~ Psalms 145:8 -10 NASB”

I will believe in the goodness of the LORD, and I will wait on the LORD, I will be strong and let my heart take courage for He is with me always. I will delight in His lovingkindness. He is my refuge when I am fearful. He is my strength. Even though there are times of sadness, and my eyes fill with tears. I know my God is with me and He is directing our path. My God is protecting us. He will deliver me and give me victory over this trial, He is my Fortress and will surround me with His care, I will take comfort in Him and Him alone.

“13 I certainly believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. 14 Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. ~ Psalm 72:13-14, NASB

My sister in Christ, sent me a passage from Proverbs, to meditate on. As I sit here thinking and reflecting on this scripture and all that God is doing and how He is directing our path, I can see that God leads us to places which we would not go or in ways which we didn’t know that we would be going, all for His glory and to draw us closer to Him. The path we are on is not the path that I would have chosen but I must keep my eyes on the Lord for He is with me and will not forsake me. He has blessed us and continues to bless us, even though at times I do struggle because I miss so many little things. There are days that my eyes are filled with tears, and I don’t know if I have the strength to do what needs to be done, it is in these times that I have to cry out for God for help because I do not have the strength and I cannot do this without Him. I must remember that every day begins and ends with His purpose. There is not a detail that escapes His eye, there is no trial or pain that we go through that does not touch His heart or is beyond His compassion. Every moment of our lives is in His loving care. I will trust in Him as He is directing our steps. The mind of a person plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. ~ Proverbs 16:9 Today, the 22nd of September, I continue to give thanks to God for His continued blessings and mercies as Craig mouths the words “I Love You” and says “Mom” and “Cam”. God is gracious and He always knows what I need and when it is the right time for me to receive His blessings. God continues to help us persevere through this suffering giving us exactly what we need and knowing what we need, even when we don’t. I don’t fully understand His ways, but I know His lovingkindness is everlasting.

“Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting. ~ Psalms 107:1, NASB”

In this time of pain, suffering, sorrow, and discomfort because my heart breaks as I am facing overwhelming decisions, today, the 25th of September, I find myself thinking about Jesus from the Garden of Gethsemane account in Mark 14:34-36, I think of how intimately Jesus calls to His Heavenly Father, as “Abba! Father!”. I think of how He prays, “All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.” While I do not carry the weight of God’s wrath being poured out on me as Christ did on the cross. I find myself asking God to remove this suffering, for a different plan. Knowing that God can, but also trusting in His divine plan for His good purpose. I know my Abba Father, may not make things easier or more comfortable but they are best though I do not fully understand. Sometimes I struggle in surrendering to my Fathers will because the pain is so great. I am not to avoid these pains, but I am to confidently walk through these trials, sufferings, pains, and hardships with my Father bringing honor to Him who strengthens me.

34 And He *said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch." 35 And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. 36 And He was saying, "Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will." ~ Mark 14:34-36, NASB”

On the 27th of September, we begin conversations on discharge planning, things that are needed to be in place, what the best care plan is, and all the options; I find myself becoming overwhelmed and emotional. I know in my heart the best care for Craig is to be with family, in a loving environment with people who care and love him. God has designed the family to care for one another. As I begin looking into the home modifications and things needed for a safe discharge. My mind becomes overwhelmed as I start looking into an ADA compliant wheelchair ramp, a wheelchair accessible van for transporting because Craig is not able to be transported any other way because it is not safe to do so at this time. I will need to look at getting a stairlift, the durable medical equipment needed, medical supplies, a medical adult daycare program, other medical programs, and all the cost, I start to worry and get a little anxious. Times like these I must remember to Trust God and seek my Father with honest prayers, pouring my heart out to Him as the tears fall from my face. I must be devoted in spending time with my Father meditating on His word, which He has given to me; so that I grow in knowing Him more intimately. “rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, ~ Romans 12:12, NASB”

In this trial and season of life that God has my boys, my family, and me I must remember to meditate deeply on God’s word, renewing my mind. My Father has told me in His word that nothing can separate me from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus. There is no trial, no suffering, no pain, no grief, and no power that can conquer me because God loves me, and He will strengthen me with His power to endure. He will protect me and guide me; and I must seek Him and not loose heart. God continues to restore Craig’s cognition and heal his body as we prepare for him to have the cranioplasty surgery. Today, the 5th of October which is also Craig’s birthday, he is cleared to start a puréed food diet, with no liquids. This is the first time in 12 weeks and 6 days that Craig is able to have any food by mouth. His first meal was puréed macaroni and cheese, green beans, and chicken patty with gravy. He also had apple sauce and vanilla pudding. He was able to open his birthday gifts and cards. He would look at them and then hand them to me, I would then read them to him. Craig would smile, shake his head, or give a thumbs up when I passed on “Happy Birthday wishes” from others to him. All the staff would come into his room and wish him a “Happy Birthday”. God is so gracious and merciful. For we continue to receive blessings that we do not deserve which is God’s grace, and we continue to not receive the punishment that we do deserve which is God’s mercy.

“37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:37, NASB”

Every day I have to remind myself that my Father will see us all through this trial. Every day I have to spend time in God’s word and in prayer to face each challenge. Every day I have to take my every worry, every fear, and every burden to God, with confidence to receive His grace and mercy in my time of need because He cares for me. Through this trial God is perfecting my faith, He is showing me who He is, through His word. My love and my thankfulness for my Father grows deeper with each passing day, and with each passage of scripture He takes me too as the Holy Spirit is teaching me.

“15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things just as we are, yet without sin. 16 Therefore let’s approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace for help at the time of our need. ~ Hebrews 4: 15-19”

As I sit here at University of Maryland Shock Trauma Center the evening before Craig will go through another major surgery, I reminisce, and memories come to mind of Craig when he was a little boy and we had to take him to the hospital because he had almost severed his tongue and needed to have stiches. Even now, just as then he looks at me with the same big blue eyes wanting to go home. Tomorrow October 24, 2023, Craig will have his cranioplasty, with possible placement of VP shunt and removal of Ommaya Reservoir. My heart is heavy, and I know that God knows my struggles. In times of despair, I am thankful that God is so gracious and merciful. He is showing me by His grace that the hydrocephalus is a blessing in disguise. The hydrocephalus is what brought us back to the hospital, but it is also why his surgery has been pushed up. I don’t understand all that God is doing, and I sometimes will ask Him “why” or tell Him “Father, I don’t understand.” but I know my Father is good and His lovingkindnesses never cease. It is in these times I must cling to cross and all that my Father has done for me, trusting in Him who knows my every need, and is providing everything down to the smallest of detail.

“20 Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. 21 For our heart rejoices in Him, Because we trust in His holy name. 22 Let Your lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us, According as we have hoped in You. ~ Psalms 33: 20-22, NASB”

The past few days have been overwhelmingly emotional, just as I am preparing to bring one son home and have him closer. I am preparing to be separated from another son for a time. I know my Father knows my pains and the sadness in my heart. Sometimes I do not have the words to comfort them and through the tears I can only hold them and affirm that we will get through this because God has been carrying us through this difficult and painful time and He will continue to lead us. I know in my heart that God will never forsake us. He will strengthen us to endure until He provides a provision or lifts the suffering.

My prayer requests are that we give thanks to God for preserving and sustaining life. That we give Thanks to God for his new mercies and blessings with each passing day. That we give thanks, that He is on His throne, and He is sovereignly in complete control of this and every situation. That His grace is “all-sufficient” and that His mercy is more. That we give Thanks for all those who are praying for Craig and Cameron. That we give thanks for all of those who are coming along side my boys and family. That we give thanks for the Grasonville Fire Department and all the first responders on that very night, for they acted as a team, and God has laid it on their heart to serve others. That we give thanks for the wonderful doctors and medical staff caring for Craig and Cameron. That we give thanks for those at various health facilities that are caring for Cameron and that continue to reach out to see how the boys are doing. That we give thanks for family that have opened their homes or are giving support and assisting in researching information for me. That we give thanks for all that God is revealing and teaching in this time. That we give thanks that He is ever present in all things. That we give thanks for His lovingkindness and His faithfulness. That we give thanks to God for restoring and healing Cameron’s physical injuries. That we give thanks for the improvements that Craig is showing and how God is restoring his body and his cognition. That we give thanks to God for opening and closing doors where this is needed. That we give thanks to God for supplying our every need and so much more. That we give thanks for God’s grace that is being poured out on my boys and family. That we give thanks for the Holiness and Divine sovereignty of God.

“16 Rejoice always; 17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NASB”

That we pray for God to be glorified and that His will, will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. That we pray for the salvation of Craig and Cameron, and all those who are unsaved. That we ask for protection and for God to guard our souls. That we pray that we would be given wisdom and discernment seeking the Lord with each decision. That we ask God to help us and that we would be filled with His Holy Spirit so that the Holy Spirit will guide and teach us. That we ask God to mature us in Him and grow in Christlikeness. That we would patiently wait and trust in God’s timing, for this will be a long journey. That we ask for healing and protection for Craig and Cameron. That we ask God to continue to preserve life. That we ask the Lord for provisions during this challenging time, which He has us in. That we ask God to draw Cameron and Craig near to Him as only He is able. That we pray that Craig and Cameron would know the love of God. That we ask the Lord to guide the doctors’ hearts, minds, and hands and allow them to see what needs to be seen. That we ask God to direct all those involved with the care for Craig and Cameron. That we ask God to use all the medical and mental situations, facilities, and staff to bring all those who are unsaved to salvation. That we pray that through this time of suffering, that all of us would draw closer to God our Father. That we ask God for patience and understanding with one another in all that is going on. That we pray for God to soften our hearts where they need to be softened and show us where we are not trusting in Him. That we ask God to increase our understanding and compassion for others. That we ask God to help us be gracious and merciful with one another. That we ask God to strengthen us, that we may come alongside one another bearing one another’s burdens. That we pray that God would convict me where I need to be convicted. That we ask God to help me to think on what is good, righteous, and true. That we ask God to take away every ungodly thought that I may have. That we ask God to help me to be light and salt in this world. That we would pray that I and my life would be a testimony and a witness to others, giving God all the glory. That we pray that I would have a truly humble heart; giving to others the grace and mercy which God gives to me. That we pray that the gospel would be proclaimed with every opportunity that God gives to me. That we would pray for all these things in the precious name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen,

"28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." ~ Matthew 11:28-30, NASB”

I close with this; ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ Help me to grow in Holiness and to hate sin. Help me to meditate on Scripture and apply scripture to my life in full obedience. Remove any prideful ways from my heart. Help me to walk with You and develop a deeper relationship with You, my Father and Lord. Help me to do, think, and say the things which are pleasing to you Father. Help me to seek You and allow Your truths to rule my mind. May my life honor and glorify You in all that I do, think, and speak. my LORD blesses me and keeps me. I am His and He is in me. I am clothed with the righteousness of Christ. My LORD’S presence is ever shining. My LORD is gracious to me. My LORD gives me peace. My LORD is gentle and humble in heart and cares for me, my boys, and my family. My LORD gives me rest for my soul in Him. All that I have and all that I have been given comes from the LORD. Praise be to the LORD with a thankful heart. In Your precious name, I pray Amen.

“24 The LORD bless you, and keep you; 25 The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; 26 The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.' ~ Numbers 6:24-26, NASB”

With all my heart I say, Thank you and May God Bless You and Keep You,
Charity Corkran
Goldsboro, MD 21636