UPDATE

I can now be more transparent to who I am and what has been happening now that I’ve been able to leave, or should I better say escape the situation, but my battle is far from over which is why I am updating this GoFundMe in hopes that my story gets out there and ask for more help that is needed.

If you know me than from the outside you might have thought I had it all, however behind closed doors I was dealing with an extreme level of physiological, emotional and financial abuse as well as being terrorized by my husband’s unstable behaviors. After years of this I finally had enough and demanded for a divorce on September 11th 2022. At the time we had more than enough money for me to leave quietly and peacefully which was all that I wanted, so I asked for a very fair settlement. Mind you I do not talk about money often however for one to understand what has happened I will in this situation. We had over $338k in our bank accounts as well as at least $40k in cash, I asked for $75k to leave and rebuild my life since I have not been allowed to work these last twelve years and what little bit I ever could manage he was sure to drain quickly leaving me dependent on him and him alone. I did not plan to ask for alimony nor did I plan to ask for anything else. I just wanted to leave. We had already exhausted ourselves with nine years of therapy and at this point I did not see anything changing. Just days after I demanded a divorce the cash in our safe disappeared, not only that but the cameras in our home (which I was never in agreement to) were turned on throughout the entire day and night while my soon to be ex husband made sure to watch my every move, my phone was being monitored, my texts, my calls, my every movement when I would leave the house, down to him following me outside when I went to walk my dogs (he never walks with me when I walk my dogs). There are witnesses of his stalking behavior and what began to occur.

He tried to turn our therapist, my son, his children, his family and our friends against me with lies and manipulation. In the beginning I was begged by his mother and our church relationship coach to stay through the holidays for the kids. I stayed but not because I wanted to, I stayed because I hoped my soon to be ex would be fair. What I realize now is that he took that time and the time up till now to drain our funds, manipulate as many people as he can and put me on the loosing end. What’s even more disturbing is that now I’ve learned he did the exact same thing to his ex wife.

As the months dragged on and we came into April I was beyond exhausted fighting. By this time he had already began to refuse to pay my credit card, which is the ONLY thing I’m ever given in order to buy anything including my gas, food, essentials, everything goes onto my credit card and I am never allowed access to our bank accounts and never have been. I became desperate and believed I had a Rolex watch that he had given me when I first met him back in October of 2011, when I took the watch to sell it a few weeks ago I was horrified to find that it was not real! It became very clear to me that everything in my life with this man has been a trap. He has thought of everything. Down to our lease, my name was never put on it, I just recently realized this, my son (who is not his son) is on the lease as well as my soon to be ex’s sons and my dog…. But not me. The cars were never put into my name as well, there was a reason for that which I learned early on. When I met him of course I had my own car, but he soon gifted me cars, now I know why, when we fought he would hide the cars so I couldn’t leave and the one time that I did he called me and told me that if I didn’t come back that he would call the car in stolen and I would be arrested for auto car theft.

At this point I’m sure you are getting a clearer picture of my life. The behaviors have never change, they have morphed into different tactics, but never changed which is why we are where we are today.

On Tuesday April 25th 2023 I made a run for it after our new therapist thought that she could reason with him and try to discuss items that I could take with. I had known that if she had this conversation I would leave with nothing and Monday night when he came home from therapy angry and not in agreement of the few items that I wanted to take from our incredibly large home I knew I had to make a run for it because it was clear that not only does he plan not to help me financially get onto my feet after being his support and his children’s support these last twelve years but he also intends to leave me in debt and with out furniture or even the juicer that I need for my own health issues that he doesn’t even use. He was also being very emotional abusive to his 13 year old son who I’ve raised as my own since he was 2. My soon to be ex husband had not been allowing me to talk to him and instructed him to call me by my first name and kept telling him that I was abandoning him and that I didn’t care about him, none of this is even close to the truth, but I also do not have any legal rights to my step son so I had to do what I needed to do in order to protect us all.

Tuesday morning the movers came as soon as my soon to be ex left and packed everything as fast as they could starting with my bedroom. Unfortunately my soon to be ex came back and the police had to be called, my soon to be ex demanded that I take my mattress off of the truck, leave the juicer and then he would allow for me to get the rest of my belongings, although I was upset I agreed so that I could get the rest of my things. We did run out of time with the movers as I have very limited funds right now. When we left I text my soon to be ex and told him that I would be back on Friday to get the rest of my things and clean up, I had taken off of work on Tuesday to get moved and needed to work on Wednesday and Thursday. My soon to be ex however told me if I returned he would file an emergency restraining order as well he changed the locks within an hr of me leaving the house and changed my step son’s phone number so that I could not call or message him. He took my stepson to his (my soon to be ex’s) therapist and tried to have his therapist tell him that I had abandoned him.

After, my soon to be ex sent many messages to my paralegal and our therapist that he was upset that he didn’t have anything (which is untrue, I left the living room, dining room, office / his bedroom, both of my step sons’ rooms/ laundry room and most of the kitchen untouched as well as all of his personal belongings) I came back on Friday with the bed frame that he was complaining that he didn’t have only to find that not only were the locks indeed changed but our gate had been wrapped in a lock as well, I had police escorts that were not happy with what was going on and I was given permission to get into my house however I could. I had to jump the rather large carport fence and get into the one door I knew that my soon to be ex would have never thought of. My soon to be came back to the house while was there and had his son help him throw the bed frame away, claiming it was broken and trashed, it’s brand new and beautiful. I was able to retrieve the rest of my personal belongings thanks to the Irvine Police Department and a threatening message from my paralegal to my soon to be ex husband and I am now out with my son and my animals.

Here is where I am asking for help, I left without a single penny from my soon to be ex husband and barely have any funds myself and though I am just starting to work, I have some part time work, I will also be going on state assistance while I rebuild, I am left with a large credit card balance that my soon to be ex husband refuses to pay, as well I have to be able to fight him during this divorce proceeding, maintain a roof over my mine and my son’s head, cover cost of living and completely rebuild my life after being a stay at home wife and mother for twelve years by the demand of my soon to be ex husband. Though I’m blessed to have been able to raise my son and his son’s I was also completely taken advantage of and now am being punished for leaving him. We all are, the kids are being put through phycological and emotional abuse and I am being put through more financial, physiological and emotional abuse.

I decided to come out with the truth because I realize that it is in silence that these men (or women) who abuse get away with it because most are to afraid to speak up. I am not afraid to speak up any longer and I will not be put in this position quietly, this is not a man who should be making his soon to be ex wife struggle to survive, especially after all that I have done to keep his reputation appear as if there isn’t a storm behind the curtains.

Thank you for reading, for helping and for sharing.

Ruth Tait

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From Two Months Ago:

In the importance of protecting the one asking for help I will share what I can. This page has been created to help a woman and her child escape from a very controlling and abusive situation, the abuse that has been taking place is in the form of emotional, psychological and financial abuse.

She has a strong emotional support team around her, however as she continues to try and plan her escape the financial abuse has escalated making it near to impossible to leave. She has consulted with an attorney who has advised her to find a way to leave the situation as quickly as possible before she can begin the legal process safely.

This page is being created in hopes to quickly be able to put a roof over her’s and her son’s head, provide for moving costs and living expenses while this will allow for time to heal, find work and begin the journey towards what is going to be a very long divorce battle. She has the emotional support around her, she now needs financial help in order to escape quickly.