Hi all,

My sister Marissa just lost her 1st baby due to unknown causes at 12 week gestation. Due to a job change, she has no medical insurance and the D&C surgery due to the loss is a significant financial hardship. She and her husband are devastated by the loss and could use any support you can spare. Here is some of her experience

“Today, I had the surgery to remove my sweet Meena from my belly and while I know it will get better, I can’t possibly explain the feeling of having to arrange for a mortuary to pick up your first baby. When you’re new to pregnancy, you mentally prepare what’s to come in the hospital. You know you will hurt, you will cry, you will have to wear a diaper, and you will transform into an entirely new person. I wasn’t prepared for all of that to happen while also leaving without my baby. I wasn’t prepared for a handful of pills, a pat on the back, and being told “I’m so sorry you have to be here” from 4 nurses and 2 doctors.

I always thought I knew how deep my sadness could go but this is a level I never knew existed. Not only do I feel my body physically aching for my baby but I’m also grieving the lost memories I’ll never get a chance to make with our little one.

I wanted to show my Meena that she could be brave, independent, opinionated, bossy, clever, and confident. I wanted her to know that she could never make any mistake that would make us stop loving her. I wanted to look into her eyes and tell the story of how we loved her totally and completely from the moment we knew she existed as a tiny ball of cells. I wanted to nurture her creativity and embrace the open minded ideas she came up with. I wanted to clean all the blow out diapers, try to survive on 2 hours of sleep, have the uncomfortable talks about periods, puberty, and sexuality. I wanted to get sneezed on and roll my eyes while I have to clean another human’s boogers off my face and I wanted to giggle when I saw Erkan gag at the first nasty poo he had to clean on his own. I wanted to style her hair, let her express herself through clothes, and hear about her bullies and friends. I actually looked forward to our teen hormone induced mother/daughter disagreements and hearing her scream “I hate you!” so that I could come to tell her I’m sorry for anything I did to offend her and truly listen to what is bothering her and how I can help. I just really wanted to be her mother.

Everyone says I’ll get plenty of chances to make those memories with my “next baby” but I’m missing them with my Meena and I owe it to her to honor these feelings of grief.”