Hi! My name is Jaimi McPeek and I am an actress, dancer, model and singer who is pursuing her directorial debut of her feature film called Flip of a Coin. This movie is all about raising awareness for depression and mental illness. It shows how someone who is struggling with these demons can truly see the world through a broken lens. Someone who has struggled and currently struggles is myself; hence why my passion for this film breaks the charts.
I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Depression. From the age of 6, my symptoms of OCD started festering; I could not make a decision without wanting to die, I had to touch things four times in a row or else something bad would happen to me. As my brain grew up, so did my bully. The thoughts became more intense, and it was harder to distinguish what was real and what wasn’t. From 7-10, the breakdowns would get more frequent. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Why was I thinking these thoughts that I didn’t believe? Why was I thinking these thoughts that didn’t make any sort of sense? Why was I forced to do things I didn’t want to do? Why was I miserable all the time when I had such a loving, happy home with loving parents, and great friends? I had everything, yet I was miserable. The older I got, the harder the punches this bully would throw at me. At age 11, I became anorexic. I couldn’t eat and lost about 15 pounds in three weeks. I was already performing at this point and had almost passed out during several rehearsals. From 12 years old-present, the activity inside my head started increasing more and more. I started losing sight of what was real. My thoughts would take control. Everything I did, I criticized myself ad nauseam for. I always needed constant reassurance that what I was thinking was not real. My thoughts tried everything to knock me down, and several times, they came extremely close… A little too close. On multiple occasions, it seemed that the only way to get rid of this bully was to get rid of myself all together. There is one thing that my mind couldn’t take from me, though. That was my determination. Since I was constantly engraining the thought into myself that I was not good enough, I decided to be the best. It took my whole life, but I have learned that my OCD has made me as successful as I am today; it has made me who I am. For years, I would have a to-do list and if I did not check off EVERY little thing on that list, I was not able to sleep that night. For example, if I didn’t dance during the day, I would have to dance before I slept, even if that meant dancing at 3am (which I have done a myriad of times). To help drown out all of the intrusive, invasive thoughts, I would constantly be productive; I would constantly work on my craft. I can tell you one thing; because of this bully, no one has ever seen a drive like mine. I could be working for 20 hours a day and still think I never did enough and it is because of this that I am so successful. I don’t stop. I constantly have my interior world beating me down, I am NOT going to have my exterior world do the same thing. It wont be able to if I am successful! So through all the pain I face day in and day out, I try to focus on my success, on my future. Years ago, I really didn’t know if I would have a future because of this other entity inside of me, but I won’t give in to it, and now I know I will have the brightest future because of it. I let those voices inside of me fuel me and fuel my passions. It still gets very loud and very dark inside of myself, but every day that I push through it is another day that I am telling that bully, “I WILL stand up to you. You WON’T have power over me.” You need to treat an internal bully the same as you would an external bully; the more you give into it and show it that it hurts you, the more it will come after you. However, if you ignore that bully and not let it bother you, it will realize that it does not have control over you and will start to ease off. An internal bully is a bully that society doesn’t really take into account a lot of times, but internal bullies are there, they are strong, they can be overpowering, they can suck your life away if you let them. I am still a work in progress, but I am here to say that I have a dream, a passion, and a life that I am going to live; I am not going to let my bully deprive me of that.
I want to truly bring this story to life and shed light on an aspect that the world needs to see. Any money raised on this campaign will go directly to equipment, hiring a good crew, and booking locations. I don't settle for anything less than greatness, so I want this to have the best crew possible, the best cameras possible, and the best team altogether possible. Any penny is appreciated as you are not only helping my dream come true, you are helping to open peoples' eyes on the horrors of mental illness. My goal with this film is to show that mental illness WILL NOT WIN! No matter what, you are not alone. I already have the story put together and the vision, now I need your help to make the rest fall into place! Please donate and share this around. Help make a difference to all of those who may be suffering.