Flaubrucht: A Celebration of Life
It's finally happening! After 49 years of bursting at the seams, Stephen Mailer is, at long last, about to direct and star in his latest comic screenplay, "Flaubrucht!" He's assembled a brilliant cast and crew, and he's ready to roll! The only issue is money! And it's a very deep, powerful, and sometimes overwhelming issue (that he's been working on for many years)! And guess what?! The work is definitely paying off (no pun intended), as he's mustered the mustard to lay face down on the floor, and ask for donations on this heroic website, gofundme! Please give what you can, and he guarantees you will laugh, and feel good about yourself, when you come to the first screening of Flaubrucht! And who knows, this could be the beginning of a long and fruitful journey into the infinity of his bright, beautiful, and courageous golden shadow! And it all started because of you!
Here's the treatment:
Two brothers, Kurt and Steven Blucht, come to New York City in search of their mother, Frau Beverley Blucht. They are all from Flaubrucht, a secret and magical land on the flip side of the Bodensee, also known as Lake Constance. You enter Flaubrucht at the tri-point of the lake (where Austria, Switzerland, and Germany aquatically meet, as this body of water straddles all three countries) with the magic word of the day (usually “Flaubrucht”), and away you go!
Frau Beverley Blucht is a witch. Mostly good, but with a hint of bad, because you can’t have one without the other. She is one thousand and eighty years old. Kurt and Steven are warlocks. Mostly good, but with a hint of bad, because you can’t have one without the other. Kurt is forty-eight. Steven is forty-four.
Their fathers are a combination of various historical figures from the twentieth century: Charlie Chaplin, Miles Davis, Albert Einstein, Mahatma Ghandi, Carl Jung, Norman Mailer, Babe Ruth, and Andy Warhol. Their mother blended the semen of these ground breaking men, having acquired it during torrid love affairs with each of them, froze the brilliant potion, and waited for the perfect time to impregnate herself. It was the summer of love, 1967, of course, that incited a passionate self-insemination, and a week later she gave birth to Kurt (it only takes seven days of gestation for Flaubruchtian witches). She decided to have Steven four years later, as Kurt seemed a little lonely, and siblings born this many years apart tend to have the healthiest relationships. They were both born on August 1st, summer’s half way point, and are, by their nature, true Leos: warm, action-oriented, driven by a desire to be loved and admired (By their mother! And fathers, for that matter!), although these boys actually thrive on loving and admiring others. They also have an air of royalty about them. As a result of having human fathers the boys were not born immortal like their mother, but can still cast a spell or two. As a result of mating with mortals, with the birth of Kurt, Frau Blucht became mortal, and started aging as a human being. She looked thirty-two for one thousand years, and now looks eighty. Well, seventy-two. Hey, she takes great care of herself!
Frau Blucht left the boys, without warning, after Steven turned eighteen, and they have not seen their mother, in the flesh, since. Try and try as they might, they were never able to track her down, and, even though they were legally adults when she disappeared, the “abandonment” has left them both with a recurring bout of trauma and despair.
While attending a warlock convention in Zurich, Kurt and Steven were channel surfing in their hotel (they don’t have a television set in Flaubrucht, so this is a fun luxury for both), and they came across the film C.H.U.D. (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers). Sharing a love of cheesy horror movies, the brothers dove in deep, and low and behold, as fate would have it, their mother, Beverley Blucht, suddenly appeared on screen as Doris, the homeless woman. Upon perusing the credits, they were shocked to see the name Beverly Bentley as the actress playing that role. Who is this Beverly Bentley? That was their mother, Damnit! They then realized that their mother must have taken over the body of Beverly Bentley, as Flaubruchtian witches and warlocks can only take over bodies of people who look exactly like them, and that’s why they were never able to find her.
After a quick Google search, they discovered that Beverly Bentley, now playing host to their mother, Beverley Blucht, was an actress living in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York City. Their plan was to surprise their mother at the home of “Beverly Bentley,” show her how well her sons had turned out, despite her disappearance, and convince her to return to the glorious land of Flaubrucht. How exciting! I bet she’ll love it!
Thank you so much!
Peace, Love, Freedom, & Happiness,
Steven Blucht