First gen low income int’l student suicide attempt

Hi, I am Amardeep. Friends call me Samar. I used to attend Wesleyan University in CT. Then terrible things happened. One day while I was away in New York, my friends partied in my dorm room(Nics) on campus. 

They accidentally set my room on fire. Wesleyan put the blame on me. As a result, they expelled me. They even asked me to pay $22,808 in fire damage charges. I had to move back to my country Nepal away from my friends and my girlfriend. I was the first one from my family to ever go to a college and even I returned without a degree. I could find no job in my country. I was a disappointment to my low income family. I was depressed. I even tried to commit suicide. I am fine now but I need your help. I’m trying to raise money so that I can pay back Wesleyan and begin to apply to other schools in the US. I miss US. I miss my girlfriend. Please help.

If you have some time, please consider reading my story in detail here: 

Chapter 1: “A long-distance thing could maybe work out," Samar thought as he stepped out of the cab and gazed upon the towering JFK airport. It was the evening of October 29th, 2020, and he was headed back to his home in Nepal after a tumultuous semester at Wesleyan University. The COVID-19 pandemic had hit the U.S. the hardest in March, forcing the university to shut down and book flights for its students to return home. But fate had other plans for Samar. The international airport in Nepal had closed its doors just as he was about to depart, leaving him stranded in Middletown for the summer. Despite the hardships, the fall semester brought with it new friends and a girlfriend, Jenny. They had been having the time of their lives, laughing and living in the moment, until a call from the university changed everything. "You have a flight scheduled from New York to Nepal for October 29th," the voice on the other end informed him. Samar was heartbroken; he was leaving behind his newfound joys just as they were beginning to blossom. As he approached the check-in counter, a wave of panic washed over him. "Amardeep, not Samar," the ticket read, and his COVID test report from campus bore a different name altogether. He quickly called his dean, who advised him to book a hotel in New York and wait while she sorted out the matter. Samar checked into a nearby hotel, exhausted from the day's events. Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, his phone rang. "This is an officer from Public Safety at Wesleyan University," the voice on the other end announced. "There's been a fire in your room, and we need to confirm your whereabouts," Samar explained his situation to the officer and was relieved to hear that the matter would be investigated. But just as he hung up the phone, another call came through. It was Jenny, tearfully informing him of the fire in his room. "I had a feeling something was off," his neighbor Jack chimed in on the next call. "I heard a guy and a girl in your room while you were gone. I think they might have caused the fire." Samar felt a knot form in his stomach as he recounted the events of the day, from the airport mix-up to his current location in the hotel. The next morning, his dean called with the good news: a new ticket and COVID test report were waiting for him, and he could leave for Nepal on October 31st. Determined to make the most of his extra day in New York, Samar borrowed some money from his cousin Abhi and set out to explore the city. It was October 30th, and as he gazed upon the iconic Charging Bull on Wall Street, his thoughts drifted back to Jenny and the birthday he was missing. The city buzzed around him, but all he could think of was being back in Middletown with his friends and girlfriend. With a heavy heart, he made his way back to the hotel, only to receive a video call from Jenny and his friends, all decked out for her birthday party. "We miss you so much, Samar," Jenny cried, her eyes shining with happiness and sadness. "I wish you were here to celebrate with us." And with that, Samar made the impulsive decision to return to Wesleyan and be a part of the celebration, even if it meant sacrificing his beloved iPhone 11 and Apple Watch for a ride back to Connecticut. With a red rose bouquet in hand, Samar embarked on a journey back to Middletown, Samar thought as he hopped into the cab, "not just to celebrate his beloved Jenny's birthday, but to rediscover the joys of life that he had so nearly left behind. For life, he knew, was a journey, full of twists and turns, of unexpected detours and reunions. And though the path ahead was uncertain, Samar felt a glimmer of hope in his heart, a spark of the divine that whispered, 'You are exactly where you need to be.'" With that, Samar settled back into his seat and closed his eyes, letting the rhythm of the road carry him toward his destination and the joyful reunion that awaited him. For in that moment, he knew that no matter what lay ahead, he was on the right path, guided by the stars, and surrounded by love. 

 Chapter 2: As he returned to Wesleyan, the memories of his time at the university flooded back. He remembered his classes, the late-night conversations with friends, and the love that he had found with Jenny. "Life is a journey," he thought, "and sometimes the universe conspires to bring us back to where we need to be." He arrived at Jenny's doorstep with flowers in hand and a heart overflowing with love. The door swung open, and he was met with a room full of his closest friends, all gathered to celebrate Jenny's birthday. Jenny's eyes lit up as she saw him, and she ran into his arms, tears of happiness streaming down her face. "You're here!" she exclaimed. As they celebrated, Samar realized that the universe had indeed brought him back to where he needed to be. He was surrounded by the people he loved and the memories that he had made, and he was filled with a sense of joy and purpose. The journey that he had been on, with all of its twists and turns, had led him back to this place of happiness. The night was filled with laughter and love, as they danced and sang and told stories of their time at Wesleyan. Samar looked around the room and smiled, grateful for this moment of joy in the midst of so much uncertainty. The fire, the mix-up at the airport, and the heartache of leaving Jenny had all been leading to this moment, and he was filled with a sense of peace and contentment. As the night came to a close, Jenny and Samar stepped outside, hand in hand. They looked up at the star-filled sky, their hearts beating as one, and they knew that they had found the thing that they had been searching for all along - each other. "Life is a journey," Samar whispered to Jenny as they embraced, "and sometimes the universe conspires to bring us to the people we are meant to be with." And with that, they stood together, watching the world go by, filled with love and hope for the future. With hearts beating as one, Samar and Jenny made their way back to their dorm room, eager to spend their final hours together before his departure. But as they approached the door, a feeling of dread washed over them. Elena, their dorm mate, had been sleeping in Jenny's bed, and they could not enter Samar's room due to the fire from the previous night. But the universe had other plans for the young lovers. They took a cab to a nearby motel and booked a room, eager to create memories that would last a lifetime. The room was bathed in a warm, golden light, and the air was heavy with the sweet fragrance of the nearby blooming roses. As they lay on the bed, lost in each other's embrace, the world outside faded away. The night was theirs, and they were determined to make the most of it. They talked and laughed, sharing their hopes and dreams, and the hours passed by in a blissful blur. And then, as the first rays of dawn began to light the sky, they found themselves lost in a kiss that seemed to last forever. In that moment, nothing else mattered. It was just the two of them, lost in their love for each other. As the sun rose higher in the sky, Samar and Jenny reluctantly made their way back to reality, knowing that their time together was coming to an end. But they held on to the memories they had created in that magical room, vowing to keep their love alive no matter the distance between them. For even though they were forced to part ways, their hearts were forever entwined. And as Samar boarded his flight back to Nepal, he knew that wherever life may take him, Jenny would always hold a special place in his heart. As the morning sun dawned upon them, Samar and Jenny stood together in the shower, their bodies entwined as warm droplets of water cascaded down their skin. They took in each other's presence, cherishing the moment, and planted soft, loving kisses upon one another's lips. With heavy hearts, they stepped out of the shower, wrapped in towels, and made their way to the small café on Main Street. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, and they took their seats at a small, intimate table by the window. The sun cast a warm glow upon their faces as they sipped their coffee and gazed into each other's eyes. Their conversation was light and filled with laughter, a reflection of the deep love they shared. They talked of their dreams and aspirations, and of the life they hoped to build together. The hours seemed to pass by too quickly, and they knew that soon, they would have to part ways. As they finished their breakfast and headed back to the motel, they promised each other that they would not let distance or time come between them. They would hold onto their love and let it guide them through life's journey, together. With one final embrace, they parted ways, and Samar set out for the airport, a journey that would take him away from Jenny, but not from the love that he held for her in his heart. 

 Chapter 3: As Samar returned to his humble home in Nepal, the memories of his time in the United States still lingered in his mind. Though physically distant from the place he had grown to love, he found solace in the digital connection of social media. For the first few weeks, he continued his love life with Jenny through Facebook, exchanging messages and sharing moments captured in photographs. However, amidst the bittersweet joy of virtual companionship, an unexpected email arrived from his former college in the US. The subject line pierced Samar's heart with a mixture of fear and confusion. It was a summons to face a trial regarding the fire that had ravaged his room. Anxiety gripped Samar as he read through the email. He felt a heavy weight pressing upon his shoulders, the burden of the unknown consequences that awaited him. With trembling hands, he composed himself and prepared to face the trial, determined to uncover the truth and clear his name. The day of the trial arrived, and Samar found himself logged into a solemn virtual courtroom. The judge's stern and unwavering gaze filled his screen. The evidence against Samar seemed overwhelming, and he struggled to present a convincing argument through the digital interface. In the end, the verdict was delivered: guilty. Samar's heart sank as the judgment echoed through his speakers. The consequences of his expulsion from school and the weight of the financial burden hit him with full force. The court ordered him to pay a staggering $22,000 in fire damage charges, an amount far beyond his family's meager means. The dream of returning to Middletown, of reuniting with Jenny, shattered before his eyes. Desolation consumed Samar's spirit as he returned home, unable to comprehend the harsh reality that lay before him. The once vibrant dreams of his future were now eclipsed by the darkness of his circumstances. Depression slowly crept into his life, casting a shadow upon his every thought and action. Days turned into a bleak routine, and the weight of despair grew heavier with each passing moment. Samar withdrew from the world around him, consumed by a haunting solitude. The absence of hope seemed suffocating, and he couldn't fathom a way out of the depths he had fallen into. One fateful day, the burden of his despair became unbearable. Overwhelmed by the darkness that enveloped his soul, Samar made a fateful decision. With trembling hands, he swallowed a handful of rat poison, believing it to be the only escape from his anguish. But fate had other plans in store for him. As Samar's body reacted violently to the poison, his cousin Bibek, who was studying to become a doctor, happened to be nearby. Recognizing the signs of a dire situation, Bibek intervened just in time, rushing Samar to the nearest hospital. The hospital staff fought valiantly to save Samar's life, their efforts driven by a deep commitment to preserving every precious existence. Through a combination of emergency treatments and skilled medical care, Samar's body began to purge the poison, and his life was spared. 

 Chapter 4: The stark white walls of the rehabilitation center loomed over Samar as he regained consciousness. The sterile environment felt foreign, a stark contrast to the vibrant memories of Wesleyan and the warmth of Jenny's presence. Samar's heart sank as he realized the gravity of his situation - he had been admitted to the center after his desperate attempt to escape the pain that engulfed him. Stripped of his belongings, Samar felt the absence of his phone, laptop, and the familiar glow of the internet. In the rehabilitation center, time seemed to stretch endlessly, marked only by the routine of grueling tasks and tasteless meals. The staff, more like taskmasters, assigned him and others to menial labor, treating them like slaves in a system that claimed to rehabilitate. The food served in the center was a mockery of sustenance, a tasteless reminder of the life Samar had left behind. Hunger gnawed at him, but the meager portions offered little relief. Mistakes, no matter how minor, invited brutal beatings from the center's enforcers. Samar's body bore the scars of punishment, a testament to the harsh reality he now faced. Loneliness became a constant companion, and Samar found himself yearning for the connection he had lost. Thoughts of Jenny, the love he had left behind, served as a flickering beacon of hope. He clung to the belief that once freed from the rehabilitation center, he could rebuild the shattered fragments of his life. Amidst the monotonous days, Samar's younger brother, Sandeep, visited him. Eyes filled with desperation, Samar pleaded for his release, but the iron grip of the rehabilitation center held firm. Samar felt the ache of separation from his family, yet he couldn't muster the strength to defy the authorities. Desperation fueled Samar's decision to escape one day. The longing for freedom and the hope of reuniting with Jenny propelled him forward. However, his attempt was short-lived, ending in a violent capture. The consequences were severe - a merciless beating followed by a humiliating ordeal where Samar was made to stand naked, confined within a sack, and subjected to thrashings. The brutal lesson ingrained in Samar the importance of conformity. He learned to tread carefully, to suppress his voice, and nod obediently to the whims of the center's seniors. Days melted into a numbing routine, each one a monotonous echo of the last. As time trickled by, a year passed in the desolate confines of the rehabilitation center. The anticipation of freedom, the promise of reconnection with Jenny, fueled Samar's resilience. And then, the day he had longed for arrived. Sandeep, driven by love and determination, orchestrated Samar's rescue. The rehabilitation center's iron gates opened, releasing Samar from the oppressive grip that had held him captive. The journey home was a silent one, the scars of the past etched into Samar's soul. Returning home, Samar's first instinct was to reach out to Jenny. The void of a year without contact left him eager to reconnect, to rebuild the bridge that had crumbled during his time in captivity. Opening Jenny's Instagram profile, Samar's heart plummeted at the sight of photos capturing moments he had missed. Images of Jenny, lips pressed against another man's, played out before him. Devastation gripped Samar, a pain deeper than any physical suffering he had endured. He couldn't bring himself to blame Jenny, for he was the one who had vanished without a trace. The life he had known, the dreams of Wesleyan, and the love he thought would endure, had all slipped through his fingers. Samar found himself standing at the precipice of nothingness - no Wesleyan, no love, no future. The journey that had begun with hope and dreams had now led him to the cold reality of loss. Heartbroken and adrift, Samar faced a new chapter in his life, one marked by the wreckage of his past and an uncertain, painful future.

Chapter 5: A New Chapter in Dharan The morning Samar decided to visit his cousin Bibek in Dharan marked the beginning of an unforeseen chapter in his life. Bibek, a medical student at BPKIHS, had once saved Samar's life by promptly treating him when he had ingested poison. That act of heroism had not only strengthened their bond but also filled Samar with a profound sense of gratitude and admiration towards the medical profession and, more so, towards Bibek. Arriving in Dharan, Samar was enveloped in a world vastly different from Wesleyan's serene and scholarly environment. Bibek's circle of friends welcomed Samar with open arms, mirroring the camaraderie and warmth he cherished back home. Dharan, with its vibrant culture and bustling streets, was a stark contrast to what Samar was accustomed to. Yet, he found himself effortlessly blending into this new setting, buoyed by the infectious enthusiasm of Bibek's friends. Together, they explored every nook and cranny of Dharan, from the bustling markets to the serene outskirts. Bhedetar, with its panoramic views and quaint eateries, became their regular haunt. Samar, despite his inability to ride a bike, found companionship and trust in Asim, who became his regular ride through the winding roads of Dharan. Their adventures, often culminating in laughter-filled evenings sipping Tumba, forged a bond that Samar had not anticipated. However, the vibrancy of Dharan and the thrill of new friendships couldn't mask the solitude Samar felt during the day when Bibek and his friends attended their college classes. Left alone in Bibek's room, Samar's thoughts often drifted towards introspection and a nagging desire to do something meaningful with his time. It was during one of these reflective afternoons that Bibek mentioned the US Embassy Youth Council Nepal—a prestigious fellowship program aimed at empowering youth leaders. The opportunity immediately sparked a fire within Samar. The fellowship was not just a chance to engage in meaningful work; it was a beacon of hope, a potential turning point in his journey. With a renewed sense of purpose, Samar poured his heart and soul into the application process. He meticulously researched the USYC, aligning his personal aspirations with the council's objectives. Crafting each response with a limit of 200 words, Samar approached the task with the precision and dedication of a perfectionist. His efforts were a testament to his desire to make an impact, to contribute to something larger than himself. One evening, as Samar dined with Bibek and their friends, relishing the camaraderie and the simple joys of their gatherings, his phone rang. It was a call from the USYC. The voice on the other end delivered the news that would chart the course of Samar's future: he had been selected for the fellowship. The table erupted in cheers and congratulations, but for Samar, the moment was surreal—a mixture of disbelief, excitement, and a profound sense of validation. This achievement was not just a personal victory; it was a nod to the support and encouragement he had received from Bibek and his newfound friends in Dharan. As the evening wore on, the significance of the moment settled in. Samar realized that this was not just an opportunity for personal growth but a chance to give back, to make a difference in the lives of others. Dharan, with its vibrant spirit and the unbreakable bonds of friendship he had forged, had prepared him for this new journey. Looking back at the twinkling lights of Dharan, Samar felt a deep connection to this place and its people—a connection that would forever shape his path forward. The journey ahead was uncertain, but Samar knew that with the lessons learned and the friendships forged in Dharan, he was ready to embark on this new chapter of his life with confidence and hope.

Chapter 6: On the Brink of Despair In the heart of Nepal, amidst the ever-changing landscape of opportunities and challenges, Samar embarked on a journey that would not only test his resolve but also redefine his purpose. The US Embassy Youth Council had opened doors for him, allowing him to traverse the vast and diverse terrains of his beloved country, connecting with the youth, understanding their aspirations, and, more importantly, their plight. The pervasive issue of labor migration to the Gulf countries, where young Nepalese worked under deplorable conditions for meager wages, became the focal point of his mission. Samar was determined to forge a new path for these youths, one that led to dignity and hope rather than despair and exploitation. His vision led him to the creation of Olive Study Abroad Advising and Prep Center, a consultancy aimed at preparing Nepalese youth for international exams like the SAT and TOEFL, opening doors to educational opportunities in countries like the US, Canada, UK, and Australia. Despite his passion and determination, Samar quickly realized that good intentions were not enough to navigate the complexities of starting a consultancy business. With no prior experience in the field, he sought mentorship and knowledge at Oli & Associates, one of Nepal's leading consultancies. The serendipitous discovery of a shared passion for Rado watches with his potential boss during an interview was an unexpected bridge to his employment at Oli & Associates. It was there, in the trenches, that Samar learned the intricacies of the consultancy business, forging a significant friendship with Anuj, a colleague who shared his vision. Together, they laid the groundwork for Olive Study Abroad Advising and Prep Center, fueled by a shared dream and the financial backing obtained through a loan facilitated by Samar's uncle at Nepal Bank Limited. Samar poured every ounce of his being into Olive, carefully curating the space and program to ensure its success. His reputation and connections, built through Facebook and Oli & Associates, initially attracted a wave of students seeking counsel and test preparation. Treating them like family, Samar chose not to charge them, finding fulfillment in their success rather than financial gain. However, as his students began their educational journeys abroad, the influx of new clients dwindled, leaving Samar facing the harsh reality of a failing business. Financial reserves depleted, and with no sustainable income, despair took hold. One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow over the rooftops of Nepal, Samar found himself standing on the edge, both literally and metaphorically. The failure of his dream, coupled with the looming debt, pushed him to contemplate the unthinkable. It was in this moment of utter desolation that his phone rang. The voice of his mother, fraught with concern and love, reached out to him through the digital ether, pulling him back from the precipice. "Samar, beta, where are you? Come down, dinner is ready," she said, her voice a lifeline in the darkness. The simplicity of her words, the normalcy she represented, was a stark contrast to the turmoil within Samar. He stepped back, the phone clutched in his hand, a symbol of the tether to his family, to life. As he descended the stairs, each step felt like moving away from the edge of despair, towards a semblance of hope. That night, surrounded by his family, the failures and uncertainties of his entrepreneurial venture seemed to lessen under the weight of unconditional love and support. Samar realized that his journey was not one of solitary pursuit but a shared path with those who believed in him, even when he had lost belief in himself. In the comforting embrace of his family, Samar found the strength to face tomorrow, to rebuild from the ashes of his dreams, and to forge a new vision, not just for himself but for the youth he aimed to serve. The road ahead was uncertain, but Samar knew he was not alone. With renewed resolve, he began to chart a new course, one step at a time, towards redemption and hope.