Hey babes, I write this with a heavy but hopeful heart. My name is Natali Gonzalez, I am a 32 year old queer indigenous two-spirit trans masc alchemist & artist. My pronouns are They/Them & He/His. I am the owner and creative director for FirmeArteOnline.com & have dedicated the last handful of years of my life to creating a magical community space online along with a line of progressive alternative ritual tools and items. I am a student of the occult and a follower of Santa Muerte who is my mother. I have recently be diagnosed with Cervical Cancer Stage 1B1, below is my story.
After losing a friend and my aunt within a week of each other a few months back to both cervical and endometrial cancer a few months ago I found myself listening more to my body and my body was telling me I had to go get checked. I suffer from endometriosis which is a brutal condition that allows tissue to grow on the outside of the uterus causing a great deal of discomfort and pain throughout the months. It’s some days completely unmanageable So I had been interpreting some of the pain that I was feeling as simply just my endometriosis pain. Either way my body and my spirits were screaming at me to go get checked so I followed up and went to Planned Parenthood for a routine Pap smear. The Pap smear led to abnormalities being found so that led to a biopsy where they took four samples, I was told then the samples came back non-cancerous. But I was at a stage of cervical dysphasia known as CIN3, at the advice of my new OB/GYN I was to have a cone biopsy done where they dig out a large part of my cervix, they sent the tissue to be examined by pathology and unfortunately those samples came back positive for squamous cell carcinoma. A CT/pet scan was done & we have received news that those scans show that the cancer/tumor is basically contained within the cervical area, making the options for treatment a radical hysterectomy with a change of radiation if after the samples of my uterus come back positive for any signs of microscopic cancer that may have been present but not detected by the PET scan. It has been roughly staged as stage 1B1
There are a ton of natural remedies and medicines that I will be working with along with the decision to have a radical hysterectomy in September. (Herbal Supplements, juicing, acupuncture, Naturopathic medicine, curanderismo)
I understand the cancer thrives in the infected toxic space in which it lives and I have to accept that for a while now my body has been that toxic space. Allowing myself to live in a unsafe environment with my lifelong abuser, my diet up until a few year ago was garbage, how & who I let into my body & energy was a mess, my own connection to my sexual desires & identity was so disconnected , my relationship with alcohol was intense for a while & my own relationship to my body and gender identity has been something that I’ve struggled with but have started to heal within the last few years with the acceptance of my two spirits & my identity as a TransMasc human being. All these things accumulated in my body to create this toxic environment & I
take responsibility of it but I do want you babes to know this... I WANT TO LIVE. I want to continue to do the work I know I am put on the planet to create. I want to do the work of the occult & of my indigenous ancestors. I am here to do the spiritual & radical work I have been called to do. With your support I will have the best chance at getting on top of all this in the healthiest ways possible. I have no plans on giving up anytime soon but the unfortunate part about trying to recover with healthy, organic & naturopath style doctors is that my insurance will not cover any of it. The western Medical industry only cures the symptom not the cause unfortunately so I must seek out these alternatives to give myself the best chance at survival. I am creating this go fund me page to help fund some of the costs of these alternative treatments & to be able to have access to transportation & a living space that is healthy enough to heal in.
I want to be cancer free. I want to live & have a fulfilled loving & abundant relationship with my partner who’s been living in a box for the last 13 years at the hands of a corrupted system and the prison industrial complex. Our union is a magical gift from Santa Muerte & our ancestors & I will fight to have the life I know spirit wants for me. I want to see my future and business grow into a warehouse & create safe physical spaces for our community of beautiful but unfortunately marginalized people for us to heal & create a more physical sense of community. I want all these thing. I see then I want them and I Will them into existence. But the first step in all of this now is getting me well & healthy.
The process up to this current point has taken months and has been the hardest thing to experience. The stress has sent me to the ER with having my first seizure followed by a nasty concussion. I have never been under this kind of stress before & I am trying so hard to keep it together. As many of you know the living situation I am currently in is toxic & unsafe along with the devastating fact that I have to do this while my partner @AngeloMalforms is incarcerated as an innocent human being, thank you to those of you who have supported the journey of their soon to be release (hopefully by next year). I’ve felt a lot of guilt about opening this go fund me because it wasn’t that long ago that so many of you came to our rescue to help us hire the new Lawyer team for my partner and we thank you with every ounce of gratitude we can create. I never expected to get hit with this cancer diagnosis, Nobody ever expects it and it is never in anyone’s plans. To learn more about that please visit this link below: http://bit.ly/justiceforangelo
I am trying to find space to accept that this cancer journey was brought to me because things need to change. I see the lessons that are being learned & the ones that are ahead. I am opening up a space to ask for healers & our witch/alchemist community to come through in any ways they can. Sharing, artwork, donating, spell work, distance healing, herbal medicines are all welcome.
I believe in The power of the collective unconscious and I wholeheartedly believe in the power of our community and I am just grateful that you have taken the time to read this. I will be blogging my journey through all of this. Invasive radical hysterectomy surgery is in less than a week & and updates will be posted here. A hysterectomy wasn’t in my FTM transition plans because children had been something Angelo & I really wanted for ourselves but I’m starting to see that things happen for a reason, with this surgery my endometriosis will be gone and so will my estrogen & hopefully this 1B1 cancer. If a child is in the cards for me I know
I love you. More than I could express. Thank you for your help & healing.
c/s - Natali
Other ways you can support is by checking out my Internet Bodega - FirmeArte where I create alternative witchy products for the evolution of self, society & spirit.
Updates will be posted here +