Help Dan M Fight The Boss Level: Colon Cancer Stage IV

As many of our friends and family already know, Dan was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer the week before Christmas 2024. We took him to the ER for what we thought must be food poisoning or the norovirus making the rounds in Austin. 36 hours later, he was undergoing a right side colon resection, removing his cecum & appendix along with what we lovingly call "The Facehugger." ;) (Dan has a photo for those curious.) 72 hours after that, we had the initial pathology back and an official diagnosis. The surgeon said the mass in his colon has likely been growing over the last 15 to 20 years. Dan and I met in March 2009, so it's been growing alongside our family these last 16 years. It is metastatic, meaning it has spread into his lymph nodes, throughout his liver, and possibly into his lungs. Stage IV is like Final Boss Level ya'll! He is set to start chemo on Jan 6th, 2025.

I don't think anyone is ever prepared for something like this to happen at only 45. We also have two sons; Julian is only 9, and Sebastian is 7. Dan is still the center of their world and the reason he is planning to fight harder than he's ever fought in his life. On top of being young, they are 2E (gifted and neurodivergent), so they come with their own unique challenges and medical needs to navigate, and we have to work as a team to get through our days. Possibly raising them alone is a scary thought.

Everyone around us has been so supportive and ready to jump in to help us. People we haven't seen or talked to in ages have been some of the first to reach out with their own experiences. It's been overwhelming, and we are struggling to figure out what we do need help with, but we are also so genuinely thankful for all of the offers and help we've gotten so far from taking the boys when he had to have surgery, keeping us company at the hospital and bring bribes for the nurses to doing work around the house for us.

The nudging of friends and family for things like Amazon lists (which I finally did), meal trains(I promised to do one when know how chemo days look), gift cards, and benefits brings us here to GoFundMe. We are about to face the financial unknowns of his cancer treatments while also having no idea how long he will be able to continue to work. And how much loss of income there may be for the time he needs to take off for treatments. So much depends on how he reacts to chemo, future surgeries, or medical trials, or if, worst case, he starts to decline.

All of this has hit us at what we thought was finally a turning point after Dan's year of unemployment. Yay, tech layoffs? Dan's job was offshored in October 2023 with very little severance; unemployment ran out in May 2024. He has only been at his new job for 9 weeks, and we happened to get our new insurance cards only days before he went to the ER. We are blessed they are being super supportive and accommodating, considering his short time there. But that also means he's not eligible yet for protections like FMLA. Our finances took a major hit during this last year of him trying to find work, leaving us with very little to fall back on now. And every attempt to make strides to begin to recover from it financially has felt like 1 step forward and two back between multiple major car repairs (we are a one-car family, so those hit us extra hard), other medical bills, major appliance repairs, etc through this last year as well. We did what we had to do this last year to protect the boys' well-being, routines, and the home they know, but right now, it feels like is starting to all spin out of control as we face our new reality head-on.

We already know we will need to cover double deductibles and the max out-of-pocket because of the ER trip & surgery & hospital stay in December, and chemo and everything coming starts in January. Oncology is supposed to give us a better idea of the things that insurance doesn't typically cover, and I am sure we'll have hospital charges to dispute. Plus the usual unplanned expenses like other medical needs, car and house repairs, etc.

Dan returned to work on Dec 30th. His job is fully remote, and his current role will hopefully be able to maintain the flexibility he needs right now. If/when he has to stop working short-term, and SSDi disabilities are only a drop in the bucket compared to his current income and potential to be eaten up by keeping Dan at least on Cobra if we have no other medical coverage options or pre-existing condition laws change. I have been a stay-at-home parent since Julian was born, picking up little things here and there. We had casually been exploring options for me to return to work for a few years just to supplement Dan's income, more this last year but now we are scrambling to make it happen sooner rather than later. My skill sets have changed and lapsed over the last decade. We have been busy looking into certificates and programs over the holidays so I can pivot into an area that I can replace rather than supplement his income in the near future if it comes to that. Part of our plans for me to return to work had been to purchase a second car which we had started to test drive and find the right car right before he got sick.

We weren't really sure how much to put as a goal as we can only guess at the financial burden ahead of and GoFundMe has this thing were it adjusts as you meet goals now.

Some of the things donations will help us with in the upcoming months...

Deductibles & out-of-pockets: Current our individual is $2k / $6k for in network & $4k / 10.5k for out of network. And we have to repay the deductible for both Dec & Jan. This doesn't include the Family deductibles for anything the boys and I may need this year.

Travel expenses, loss of income, uncovered fees for second opinions. We have a long list of surgical teams at cancer & research hospitals around the US to try to get Dan in front of. We don't accept Chemo for life as his only option yet.

Loss of income for any future surgeries: his liver is in bad shape right now. And surgery is the best way to fix that if/when it becomes an option.

A cushion to be prepared to pay for any treatment options insurance doesn't want to cover. Like trials or newer surgical procedures especially if time isn't on our side to do it.

The sheer number of books Dan will probably buy on both cancer and to keep himself occupied during treatments if the library or Kindle doesn't have it.

Help with down payment for a second and more reliable car, we'd literally been looking at cars the week before he got sick. Our van is almost 9 years old and while it only has 82k miles every time it has something it means we also have to rent a vehicle. It will also help with me returning to work if I need to go into an office without flexibility and he has medical appoints he needs to go to or pick up the boys.

Items and services we may need help with to make chemo days easier, like sitters or day camps for boys when they don't have school, food delivery, supplies, medications, therapy for all of us, and in-home help if we get to that point, like a mother's helper, yard service, help for Dan.

Activities and local excursions to distract our boys and let us check out from reality sometimes when Dan's up to it.

Helping us cover any course tuition, testing or certification fees, etc., will help get me back to work sooner. We are looking at a couple of AI, data, and product/project management classes for me.

Any other cancer-related things that come up as we go.

Thank you from the very bottom of our quirky little hearts and souls for all your support and for anything you can do to help us start our battle! Even if it's just sharing our GoFundMe page, that is more than we could hope for.

Tabitha, Dan, Julian & Sebastian