Fat Actor

The time is here for me to talk about this.

I am not well, my health is not doing well, and I am very very scared I will not make it much longer on this planet.

I am morbidly obese, my knees are failing, I am diabetic, I am on heart medication, and I have plateaued on weight loss. My body does not want, at my age, to lose anymore weight.

I have decided to have gastric bypass surgery as a last effort to save myself. I am on the government waiting list here in Quebec, but that list has a 3 to 15 year wait and I have been on it for about 5 years. I don't have another 10 to wait.

My knees can be fixed, but they won't do surgery until I am under 300lbs, but to get there I need to be able to exercise, especially cardio, but I walk with a cane now and exercising is agony.

I have found myself in a perfect dead zone where I can't get the help I need from the health profession in my home, and I can't fix myself.

The reason I am choosing to do the surgery is a combination of many things, not the least is having seen the success and the new life my best friend had after doing it in 2010. His life was reborn. The other reason is that there is an 80 - 85% change it puts diabetes out of the game. That alone is enough of a reason.

I used to be an actor, I left the field because my weight simply put me out of casting choices for a majority of roles and I couldn't make a living at it anymore. I want to go back to that.

I used to do martial arts, but with my knees I can't do that anymore and I want to go back to that.

I used to be able to run. I want to run again.

I am scared to death of what will happen to me if I can't turn this around, and after years of refusing to accept it, I am at the breaking point that I am terrified I won't see many more years if I don't.

So, there is an option to go to a private clinic and get it done here in Montreal, but it isn't cheap.

Starting in January, and going until March I will run a Go Fund Me to try and raise the $25,000 I need for this surgery to essentially save my life.

I am talking with a friend about us shooting a documentary about the whole thing, including post surgery recovery and return to a life that I want to achieve. Learning to drive finally, going to a Zoomba class, learning how to salsa, etc... I want to live the life I have denied myself the past 18 years by letting myself get to this point.

And believe me, I do not blame anyone or anything other than the poor choices I made, and the mental gymnastics I performed to convince myself to not see the truth.

It galls me that the government cannot see how paying this price is cheaper than the burden I will put on the health care system without it over whatever is left of my life, it is really just mind blowing how immediate cost trumps long-term costs for them.

I will be asking for help from all of my friends, all of you. Every dollar you can donate will get me closer and closer to this very large event in my life.

Someone told me that I know enough people who would be willing to donate what they can to help keep me in this world and I have been terrified that the truth might prove them wrong.

But I can't be afraid any longer.

For those who feel that asking for help like this is wrong, or lacks character, I hope you never have to feel the way I do right now and bring yourself to the point of swallowing your pride as I am doing.

Pride is a killer when it is the only place you hang your hat.

Forgive me for rambling, this is the first time I am putting these thoughts down in words, so it is all very raw for me.

If nothing else, positive energy and vibes are always welcomed.

I just hope you don't think less of me for doing this.

Sorry if that seems melodramatic. I am just scared, and nervous.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and thank you in advance for any and all support.