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I am humbled. I am feeling scared. I am vulnerable. I am having a human experience. My body is in excruciating pain.

 

I have a body, I am not a body. I am a soul …animating this vehicle.

 

After 1 year of being in wretched pain on a daily basis….I am faced with a body which is crying for relief.

 

Let me backtrack just a little here…

 

For those who don’t know me…my name Is Faith Spina and I host the Bridge to Lemuria page on Facebook.

 

This page has been a labor of love for 10 years. I’ve shared my story openly with all of you, about going getting divorced, going bankrupt, being homeless and finally, rising up to write a book and go on The Oprah Show. I triumped by writing 3 books and building an expansive Spiritual Coaching practice, which is my souls calling.

 

I’ve written about my travels and mishaps and spiritual journey. I’ve exposed my life openly to all of you for many years. That is , until this past year.

 

You see, I had always been accustomed to rising up after a great fall. That makes for a wonderful story and an inspiration. This past year…I didn’t have enough energy to fully be there for everyone. ( I kept a few dedicated clients..which always brings me joy, yet…I coached them in between my deep bouts of pain..and yes, even agony.) I practiced daily on how to turn my pain into power.

 

Looking back, I can see how this physical breakdown was looming for years. After I got back from Europe in 2016, I was tired. BONE tired. Initially, I thought it was from all the travel. I held retreats all over the world..and I was ready for a rest. I slowed down a bit..but I thought by moving back to Hawaii…I would get a reset. Instead, I was faced with the Volcano exploding on the Big Island 3 days after I landed. I spent 3 months in a haze of Vog and having trouble breathing. So, I decided to go home to Kaua’i (my home of the heart) and I proceeded to break my big toe ( mere days before leading a Spiritual Retreat). I hobbled through it…only to discover my back had gone out ( yes, I was feeling unsupported).

 

I moved back to California and stayed with a friend while I attempted to reset myself. (He is a chiropractor who gave me some great healing and care). Sonoma county was a great place to visit, but soon I was faced with horrible forest fires which provoked my breathing issues from the Volcanic ash of Hawaii and my body was freezing with the damp winters in the forest…. I felt it wise to leave for the Desert to warm my body and soul. Within a couple weeks, we began to have Earthquakes…not just a few..but daily..I began to suspect there was a pattern here…

 

I felt like I was traveling around the globe to assist energetically with Mother Earth..and was confident that I could rise above my physical issues once again. But, I wasn’t 18 anymore and my 60 year old body was limping along.

 

The winter of 2020 I got sick… what seemed like a mere cold at first…grew more and more daunting…before you knew it, I was experiencing Pneumonia. It was a grueling time…but I still knew that I would make it through. After many spiritual experiences in Joshua Tree, I was convinced…we were led there for a reason and I rallied enough to move to Oregon.

 

At first the nature and land helped my spirits soar. I worked with a Holistic Doctor and changed my diet, took long walks and began to feel just a bit better again. I felt if I waited out this Pandemic..I could begin to travel again.

 

Then, one morning in early April of 2021, I woke up and screamed! I felt like my neck snapped and someone was putting a searing knife in my nerve. I continued my shrieking…until my roommate came running. There is NO way I can put into words the magnitude of this agony.

 

It took me a bit, but I finally realized that this was a MIND game. I used my breathing and meditating to calm myself…and I thought I’d give it a week or so…to rest and I’d be on my feet again.

 

It has been a little over a year now. One year, 6 weeks and 2 days to be exact..but who’s counting and what is time? I found myself in Groundhog Day.

 

After several weeks of not being able to get out of bed..I began the cycle of the System (the Doctors Matrix). I was told that I must have Fusion Surgery…my Vertebrae at C5/C6 was disintegrating and causing the disc to bulge and I had a bone spur on the nerve. If anyone has ever had nerve pain..you know what I mean when I say, I was crazy with pain. I couldn’t move, think or function. I was completely bed ridden.

 

After several visit to Doctors, who all insisted on Surgery, I refused. I was convinced, I would heal myself. I spent the summer in bed…until one day, I woke up without pain! A miracle! I was beyond thrilled..but I was cautious. I proceeded to go to Physical Therapy… I told the Doctors, “NO”. I will heal naturally. (I actually had enough energy to write about it…maybe a few of you remember?)

 

One afternoon, my roommate and I were sitting and talking and the phone rang. The Doctors office from 3 months prior called and left a message stating my appointment for Surgery was set. I was flabbergasted! WTF? Was I in another timeline? What was happening?

 

Of course I called them back and said they’d made a huge mistake. I was healing…no need for surgery. The nurse seem confused and I just brushed it off. (But I had a sinking feeling…that something was amiss.). Did I not get the lesson from all this? I had slowed down…asked for help…learned how to receive. What was I missing? I prayed for the reason too be shown to me.

 

A couple of days later I went to the PT and I noticed I had more tightness in my muscles. That night, into the next day…I did a lot of deep breathing. By the third day, I was thrust back in the Abyss. I was sucked back into the Vortex of suffering. Down, down, down I went. Like Alice in the Rabbit Hole. Misery pursued my every waking moment. I couldn’t catch my breath. This time, the pain was even greater! I fought with all my might…the suffering was relentless. I cried daily. Sometimes for hours. I felt like a fishing line bobber on a raging Ocean. Up and down…to the depths and back again. Throughout all of this, I kept my Coaching Sessions…I felt it was all I had left of my old life.

 

For those hours, I was whole again. I was useful. I had a purpose.

 

Until, one day, the gas ran out. I had NOTHING left. I had used up my reserve tank. I was riding on fumes. I knew then in order for me to survive and heal, that I must give ALL my energy to healing myself.

 

For the first time in 22 years, I cancelled ALL my clients. I surrendered to the present moment. I asked for help and on bended knees I turned over The BRIDGE to a trusted client.

 

I agreed to receive. My daughter came to care for me and encouraged me to come and live with her to help me. I am not afraid of death…I am afraid of more pain. Death would be easy…life with more pain would be unbearable.

 

This is where you find me now.

 

On July 11th, I will be having Cervical Surgery. I will have a Titanium Plate installed in my neck. A true Bionic woman.

 

As I write this tonight…I once again find myself in tears. It’s been a very long journey.

 

Oh….the lessons…the insights…they are bountiful. I shall share them soon. For, I have discovered..that is where the true inspiration arises. What is Faith, when things are going perfectly?

 

Have I told you lately, how I’ve earned my name?

 

By living it Living it in the light and living it in the darkness. Faith doesn’t have a favorite. It’s a way of embodying the Divine. I know I agreed to this before I came to this Dimension…often, I admonish my soul for agreeing to such a calamity.

 

But, you know what? I still haven’t lost my humor. Nor my heart. In fact, something magical happens when we go through this kind of trauma…the heart, compassion, courage actually grows. Isn’t that the miracle? The resilence of humanity? To live in Hell and find Heaven? To face these excruciating fears and weave them into a beautiful tapestry?

 

Yes, I’ve lost several friends during this process… pain isn’t pretty. I choose to focus on what I’ve gained. For those who have risen up for me, a mere thank you seems too limited…it’s saved my sanity and inspired me to go on, when I didn’t care anymore.

 

Giving was my JOY…I was the giver…never asking. Now, I have healed from that falsehood. By allowing others to give, they can feel the joy I have felt. It truly is a full circle moment.

 

Several of my friends have offered to put together a Go-Fund me to help with my living expenses and to keep the Bridge going. This experience invites me to feel empowered to ask of all of you (even if you can share only $1 ) that will help!

 

I can use this time to fully heal and come back stronger than ever. I’m told the recovery can take 6 months or longer. I assure you, I will come back as soon as I’m able. Prayerfully, more aware, healthy and inspired than before.

 

Bless you all for your love, support and prayers…I am extremely grateful and very fortunate to be blessed by so many souls.

 

All my love, Faith Spina