Hi I have had a very hard time bringing myself to do this. My name is Kara and my second daughter passed away a few years back. She was 3 days old when she died I named her Kristi. There has never been a harder thing I've every had to survive. Parents are not ment to bury there children it's not the progression off life. When I got pregnant for Kristi I was so excited I was 20 years old and I was sure I was going to be the best mother to this ball of joy I had growing in my belly. I was working at a facture in my home town and I was raising a smart 2 year old as well and with baby made 3. My 2 year old would rub my belly and say that's baby Jacob in there mommy. I would smile and say you never know lil one. I new this baby was going to love the water everytime I would run a hot bath after a long day she would just do flip flops thru out till I would finally give up and have a quick shower.

So I worked thru the first trimester making all my OBGYN appointment Doing all the vitamins and dealing with the morning sickness that can happen anytime day or night. Thanks to my parents my daughter at home was cared for while I worked 12 hr shifts at that local plant. About my 20th week into this pregnancy I went to my job and on this night my other daighters father happened to be my supervisor, we had worked together before but it was strained at times but we had always made it work.

Thank was till that night, roughly 5 hours into my shift I went to him and said I had to leave i thought my water had broken, he looked at me and said your only 4 months pregnant you probably just peed yourself. I WAS HORRIFIED. He continued to tell me in I left my post I would have no job to come back to.

When this all happened I was young only 20 and afraid to lose the only job I had to support the 3 of us so I stayed the 7 hours. Scared out of my mind and hoping it was just that I peed my self. FINALLY my shift ended and a drove to pick up my daughter from my stepmother. So I told her what had happened the night before at work with my supervisor (my EX) She put me in her car and drove me to the OBGYN right then. She told the receptionist that I've had a child and if I think my water broke it probably had She agreed and put my in the examination room. The Dr. Came in and did something called a charcoal test. WHAT DO YOU KNOW I WAS LEAKING AMNIOTIC FLUID.

From there things got crazy the Dr. Sent me to the hospital to the maternity ward. They had done an ultrasound on monday my first day there and they told me the baby was good she weighed 3 lbs and 2 oz I stayed for 1 week off my feet and stricked bedrest. Scared as I was I followed every demand the made of me anything to keep this lil angle inside of me as long as I could.On the 7th day the Dr came in told me I could go home that the amniotic sack had sealed it's self it was no longer leaking and to take the weekend and I could return to work the following week.

I went home but I stayed off my feet but come Sunday I really felt something was wrong with my baby she wasn't active like she was. So I went and ran a bath knowing she would be doing summer saults in no time.

When I got in the tub my baby didn't move. I immediately called my Dr's answering service he called me back very quickly. I told him what was going on and once again he reassured me I was over reacting and he would call me earl this week to get me into the office this up coming week.

I had the worst night of my life I'm only 20 and this is a dr he would know best he deals with this all the time. I just couldn't shake my baby not moving not even in the bath. The next morning was a Monday morning and I had a routine ultral sound booked for months so I decided as sick as I felt and however sore my back was I was going to that ultrasound.

I made it there I couldn't drink all the water they require but I didn't care. I went in when my name was called I layed down on the table said a silent prayer that she was OK and kept my eyes closed. About 4 mins into the ultrasound the technician informs me that there is no amniotic fluid left in my uterus and I needed to head up to labor and delivery.

Once on the maternity floor My Dr said to me looks like your going to have a baby today he asked me if I could get a ride to Kingston this is before he even examined me. I called my parents they said of course. I start to tell the Dr and nurse they were coming when the nurse yelled Kingston wants to know if she is dilated. He had even checked so he did and said 10 cm she's going by ambulance with a nik nurse with her. We will let your parents know.

With In I swear 10 mins I was in the ambulance flying to Kingston general hospital. When the ambulance drivers were wheeling my gurney in I had a dr hold a paper over my face saying sign here, I wasn't even done signing and they had knocked me out. See my daughter now weighed all of 1 lb and 2 oz and my uterus had started to shrink back around my baby. I was 23 weeks pregnant. 20 years old and so scared when i woke after surgery I was in a room with something like 15 other women all who had had there babies and they were with them mine was not I wasn't sure if she was alive or what. A nurse came moved me to a private room and explained my daughter had lived she was in the pre neo natal care unit and they brought me to see her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing my daughter had tubs coming out all over her eyes were taped shut but it was her skin it was see thru. I mean translucent. She was so small she fit in my pand from my fingers to my wrist and you could see all her veins and she was so light she only weighed 1 lb 2 oz.

I named her Kristi and over the next 3 days I watched my daughter suffer she had grandmal seizures every 15 mins. I had no idea what to do she was my daughter I loved her so but she was hurting.

I was faced with the hardest decision any parent could every be asked should we take her off life support she is suffering she will never have a quality of life without pain and that's if she survives at all.

Here I an 20 years old and faced with the hardest decision not knowing what to do but my baby had suffered enough. I chose to end her suffering i held her till she passed away. Crying i don't think I stopped crying for 6 months. Not one day goes by I don't think about her and wonder if I did the right thing. I have lived with it . We barried my Kristi in a family plot but I had no money for a marker. I was never able to go back to that place I was working I couldn't face the idea of stepping foot in there without having a panic attack. I have struggled with depression and self loathing agree for listening to a dr when I new something was wrong. I live with it all everyday of my life.

BUT LIKE I SAID AT THE BEGINING NO CHILD SHOULD NOT HAVE A MARKER TO SAY SHE WAS HERE AND EVEN THOUGH FOR ONLY 3 DAYS THOSE DAYS MATTER TOO.

SO PLEASE DONATE ANY AMOUNT WILL HELP PUT A STONE AND ANGLE ON HER ETERNAL RESTING PLACE.