Escape from Utah to Vermont

The Little Dell Reservoir in Emigration Canyon, where Claude (21) and Jones (19) (pseudonyms used due to safety concerns) are here pictured, may provide a lovely backdrop for a photo, however, their home state of Utah has become an extremely unsafe environment, and they need our help to leave!

Claude (they/them), who is white, and Jones (they/them), who is first-generation Indian-American, have been dating for three years. Both identify as trans/non-binary and have multiple disabilities. While Claude's parents have been, in general, more supportive than most parents of LGBTQIA+ youth in Utah; Jones has experienced escalating physical, emotional, and financial abuse from their parents, as well as forced estrangement from their extended family and Desi community.

We will share more of our story below, but here are the most urgent emergency expenses that need to be covered, to enable them to move from Utah to Vermont, where a more supportive family member lives, and where more trans-inclusive LGBTQIA+ rights and protections are in place state-wide:

Our Story:

Claude is one of my two younger half-siblings, we have the same mom and different dads. Our/their parents have had a rocky and challenging relationship for most of the two decades they have been together, which has meant that Claude and Kris (our youngest sister, who is also trans) have been raised in general chaos, trauma, and uncertainty, contributing to and/or exacerbating Claude's physical and mental health concerns, including chronic fatigue; Ehlers Danlos; gastroparesis; food and chemical allergies, and autism spectrum disorder. They have been able to access needed medical care through their father's insurance, but this has come with serious ableism and judgment from their parents not understanding (and refusing to learn about) their myriad illnesses.

Jones was initially a friend from school of our youngest sister, Kris, and after knowing each other for about four years, Claude and Jones went on their first date and have been together now since 2020.

Jones has been raised by a white father and Indian-American mother, who met in Utah about twenty years ago while working in the IT industry. They have been raised predominantly with an implicit expectation of assimilation, never having been taught their mother's language, or recognizing most Hindu holidays and celebrations. Only more recently have they become drawn to and involved with their local Desi community, by attending temple and volunteering; making connections and building relationships; listening to, learning, and playing Hindu music; receiving and offering blessings; and participating in cultural and religious rituals.

Jones is also affected by numerous stress/trauma-related physical and mental health concerns, including pectus excavatum (including nausea and low appetite); chronic bone and muscle pain; and ADHD. Jones has also experienced severe ableism throughout their life, with their parents dismissing any complaints of symptoms of illnesses, and denying needed treatment for conditions they refuse to acknowledge. Their father in particular would make frequent cruel comments whenever Jones would do or say anything perceived as "different," calling them names and mocking them. Their parents continue to withhold medical care, including needed medications and appointments with therapists and doctors, for reasons to be explained below.

For most of the past three years, Claude's parents have been accepting of their relationship with Jones, and Jones' parents were mostly supportive as long as they believed they were in a cis-het relationship. About two years ago, Jones moved in with Claude (who was living with their dad), because they were not receiving academic support from their parents, or treatment for their ADHD, as their parents were denying/misunderstanding the diagnosis, and insisting that Jones 'just try harder and get into a good college.' Jones would graduate late from High School and has since been unable to begin their undergraduate education.

Thinking that moving out had given their relationship needed distance, and in an effort to improve their strained relationship with their parents (with the initial support of their therapist), Jones decided to come out as trans/non-binary. Their parents simply ignored/denied their multiple attempts to come out.

About four months ago, the living situation with Claude's father became unsafe -- there had been unacknowledged financial and emotional abuse, as well as racist, ableist, and transphobic micro-aggressions happening for some time, however when physical violence was threatened, Claude decided to move in with our mother. Since her place is fairly small, Jones decided to try living with their parents again. Their parents promised that they would be willing to learn more about what it means to be transgender and that they would be more supportive than they had been, but unfortunately, as soon as Jones moved "back home," their parents immediately rescinded that promise and have become increasingly emotionally, financially, and physically abusive.

Despite now being an adult, Jones has been dependent on their parents financially, although this dependence came with the close monitoring of their behavior, including their parents dictating which friends they could spend time with and when, tracking their phone, and limiting their use of a vehicle initially offered as a 'gift.' Once Jones returned home hoping to repair their relationship with their parents, they instead found that these manipulative and controlling behaviors were quickly escalating.

These behaviors included transphobia, mocking and/or becoming angry when or if Jones dresses as/appears to be/expresses who they are; insistence that they detransition/stop being who they are; accusations that they are not being true to their heritage, that they were 'less Indian' because they are gay; insisting they need to be 'fixed,' that they are 'unhealthy,' that they 'need to pray more,' and that they have 'lost their way.' They have also called Jones a 'monkey,' and mocked their appearance many times.

The 'final straw,' a couple of weeks ago, was when Jones' parents entered their room, locked the three of them inside so that Jones was unable to leave, began yelling (about what below) and restraining them physically from leaving. Jones repeatedly asked them to leave their room, saying that they did not have consent to be there, and their parents yelled, "Consent doesn't matter!"

Here are the unbelievable accusations that Jones' parents have convinced themselves of -- to the point that they have approached every single one of Jones' acquaintances, friends, and extended family members to spread these rumors; they have contacted the parents of everyone Jones knows, to "warn them" of these things; they have also confronted Jones' therapist to make these accusations (and are now also convinced the therapist is involved in these conspiracies):

In their efforts to prove to themselves and others (no one they've approached has been at all concerned any of the above may be true) that these conspiracies are true, they have become increasingly aggressive in their efforts to stalk and harass Jones and Claude, as well as their friends and family. Within the past week, Jones' parents have tracked them (using their phone, we assume) to my mother's condo, where they are currently staying (even though it is too small), and broke into her home to angrily confront my mother and accuse her of supporting/participating in the above!

Our mother was eventually able to get them to leave, however, they are all now living on edge, knowing they could be accosted any time they try to leave or return to where they live, since Jones' parents now know where they are staying. Of course, because Jones is an adult, their parents have no legal recourse to force them to return to their home, but they have been denying Jones access to a vehicle, phone, and medical care -- making it nearly impossible for Jones to find employment.

It has also been quite difficult for Claude to remain in school and/or to find employment, due to their multiple diagnoses and medical procedures. However, they have recently undergone surgery that has significantly healed and improved their chronic pain, and they are optimistic they will be able to return to school/work soon!

Since Jones' parents have made it clear that they will go to great lengths to find and harass them, it is no longer safe for them to be connected to them financially or in any other way, or even to continue living in a place where they can be 'tracked down.'

Two final reasons why Claude and Jones are planning to relocate to Vermont: the strong and close LGBTQIA+ and AAPI/Desi communities. The Desi community in Utah is extremely conservative, making it uncomfortable/unsafe for Jones to participate in their cultural and religious traditions, or to build relationships and connections with others who could understand and relate to their experiences as a first-generation Indian-American. Because their mother has been spreading the conspiracies and rumors above, they are no longer welcome in temples and other spaces where family and friends worship and celebrate together.

The LGBTQIA+ community in Utah is also very white and cis-centered ... there are few spaces where trans, non-binary, and queer people of color are truly welcome. Because Vermont is such a rural state, the LGBTQIA+ communities here are, in comparison, much more close-knit, supporting each other in any way they can, because they understand how isolating it can be to live in places where it isn't accepted to be queer. Truly genuine expressions of mutual aid and community care are found here in Vermont, where they are extremely hard to find in Utah.

On behalf of Claude & Jones: "We are so thankful that you have taken the time to read our story and for any financial contributions made to our moving fund. We will continue to update everyone on the situation as it changes, and to find academic/employment options before our move!"