Hello, friends. 

I hate to do this again. Really, I feel like I'm at my wits end. I'm just not sure what else to do, so here I am, once again, begging for your help. 

I moved to Los Angeles almost two years ago.  It's been an epic adventure and I've learned a great deal.  Mostly, I've struggled. LA is expensive and moves at an insanely fast pace. With the exception of the wealthy (and there are an absurd amount of those here), most people juggle multiple jobs, working every day, long hours. I've been one of them. It's making me sick. Even with working every day I've fallen further and further behind and racked up debt. Not from doing anything frivolous just from daily surviving.  I drive for Lyft, I do background work, I clean houses, I cater parties, I run errands, I pet sit, whatever odd jobs I can do to make ends meet while I've attempted to pursue acting. I pretty much work every day, unless I'm sick and can't. 

I'm glad I've made this effort. Here's what I've learned. I miss the Theatre. The screen arts are fascinating, hundreds of people making it all come together spending 14 hours on 2 minutes of a scene. I've been lucky in some ways I've been featured several times. I got the 3 union vouchers I need to join the union. I've made great progress. I've made a few really wonderful friends. So why am I giving up? 

In the last 4 years, I've lost my Stepfather, my father, and my grandfather. I've been in a car accident, moved 3 times, been through a breakup, and shuffled through multiple jobs. This has left me battling depression and anxiety. LA is not for the weak.  The effects of the depression, anxiety and stress are that I've been sick a lot, my back has flaired up (I herniated two discs in my back in 09) and I'm just really tired.  I feel myself on the verge of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. 

Acting is a hard industry, especially in the screen arts. There are impossible beauty standards, constant rejection and quite often (especially background actors) are treated a bit like furniture.  As a plus size woman of a certain age it is especially challenging. I've been fat shamed on multiple occasions. 

I could look for a "regular" job here, but the cost of living is so high that I fear my struggles would remain the same. Plus I would have the added frustration of being surrounded by the industry and not being involved. 

I want to go home. I don't look as this as a giving up. It's more of a temporary surender in order to re-group, heal, gain strength and make another attack someplace that feels more like home (probably the Portland/Salem area).  I'm a Northwest girl. I miss rain, clean air, a slower pace of life, cedar trees, green growing things in general.  Most importantly, I miss my Mom and the rest of my family. 

I'm attempting to sell (that's not been going so well) the majority of my belongings and pack up my car and either get a mover (preferred), or a trailer hitch and trailer (this is not recommended for my Prius C but apparently its doable) for my essentials. 

My goal is to move in a month and be on my way by April 30th. 

What I need. I've done cost comparisons and crunched numbers and looked at all my bills.  Pretty much the bare minimum I need to get through this next month and cover the costs of my move is $4,000.00 (That's with the trailer hitch option) if I go with movers it would be about $5,000.00.

I plan to work as much as possible and get as much as I can, but any help anyone can spare is grately appreciated. I do hate to ask again.  So many of you have showed such support and belief in me and I hate to fail you. I just know that staying here is unhealthy for me. I'm determined to keep on the creative journey and keep acting and chasing my dreams... I just feel in my heart that LA isn't the place for me to do it.