Eric Hospitalization Fund

Dearest friends and family,

I owe you an apology. I've been keeping my mental health status a secret and disguised for the last few months and as an the essential people you are to me you deserve better communication. My lies were white, ultimately I didn't want to burden anyone by sharing in my pain, but it cannot be hidden any longer. For weeks I've been utterly crumbling and struggle to function on a basic human level which has culminated in my job and friends becoming aware via breakdowns and uncharacteristically miserable performance.

I've been at the end of my rope repeatedly yet an immense barrier to seeking the help I need, more intensive care than the counseling and medication I've had, has been the looming dread of the sheer cost. I've been hospitalized twice before in my life and I'm infinitely grateful for my parents shouldering those expenses no matter their own financial situation; I would never ask someone to do that again. It's grotesquely expensive. I have major expenses on the horizon this year that I am trying to afford safely, namely purchasing my parents' car (much needed upgrade) and the next fee for Jani's immigration paperwork (not to mention the lower priority yet much desired event of having Jani come back). Thus hospitalization has been off the table in my mind despite certainly needing it.

A cherished friend who came over recently to keep me safe for a night made light of the reality that, although cliché it's certainly true, I'm not alone. I am blessed with a sprawling and robust support system made of you darling people that I shouldn't discount. I shouldn't conclude my life is worth less than some thousands of dollars or that there's no network for acquiring aid. I shouldn't be putting myself in danger over amorphous phantom bills. He and certainly others could alleviate some of the pressure and truly anything would help. $10 is $10 I didn't have previously. However I must admit coming to this conclusion and effectively asking for money strikes at my traumas around finances and is incredibly difficult to stomach. Yet agonizing over someone's kindness and generosity is infinitely better than succumbing to doubt and ending up hurt over self-inflicted hopelessness.

This leads me to today, 9/11. I'm going on medical leave from work and will be submitting myself to inpatient care for 3 days followed by 2 weeks of partial hospitalization. It's $1580 a day for inpatient and $733 a day for partial hospitalization. However, my insurance guarantees the maximum I will have to pay is $4000 which it's clear and certain I will reach. Thus the target goal for this fundraiser.

It pains me to ask but please, if you are in a sufficiently comfortable financial situation and are of the mind, any donation would be greatly appreciated. I don't want anyone to give a large amount, the guilt will dig at me, but I hope that with enough visibility and spread among 'the community' of y'all we could collect a large amount through small contributions. I neither plan or am betting to reach $4000 but anything helps.

Lastly, the context of this fundraiser is about pragmatism. I hate to talk about it but I will need money. The MUCH more important statement to make is that I NEED you, reader. Bills and debt and our capitalistic world don't mean a damn thing in the shadow of laughter, shared meals, and candid conversation. Money doesn't matter, ultimately it's you I need and want. You are what fuels me and makes all the suffering worth it. So in the aftermath of this situation please remember I cherish you for your time and camaraderie and in spite of my frequent silence and isolation. I love you. I love you all.