I have a really good job. Insurance, retirement, everything. I’m living my dream. Or at least I was. After taking a job last year for financial reasons even though I was given an offer that severely underpaid me, a very over qualified candidate. I was desperate, so I took the job. Remember? It’s a job with benefits. Okay, enough dancing around. I got sick. Really sick.

I’m not sure what happened but it happened around early August. I thought I had a stroke or a grand mal seizure. Either way, my brain was severely compromised. My brain. The thing I value over everything else. It was just… gone. I had to relearn how to walk, talk, dance, smile… Not to mention during that I was over medicated by doctors who meant well but over-proscibed me to the brink of suicide. Yeah. I wanted to kill myself. I have a jagged mental health history. But! I’m working hard to be the best me I can be. Going to therapy, trying to regain my memory, fighting for my life.

Here's the thing. The second this abnormal brain activity happened, I felt like a part of me had died. It did die. I always thought I can get through any thing, I will persevere so long as my mind is intact. Well, that's no longer possible. I will persevere but... well I had a funeral for myself. I had to grieve. In fact I had to go through all the stages of grief, cry it out and then finally... accept that my brain, my beloved neurospicy brain, will never be the same.

The doctors and specialists are running tests, a lot of tests and I can't afford any of it. So while I'm fighting and clawing to get my brain to remember how to type this statement of need to you, we still don't know what happened to me. And more tests, more doctors, it's all very expensive. I've been on FMLA leave since August and it's just not possible for me to afford to breathe right now. I'm asking for November's rent and a little bit more to catch up on some medical bills. Just have enough space to breathe.

I never thought that my life would turn out like this, but as Dr. MLK jr. said, if you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, crawl. Well I might be crawling right now, but someday I will fly. Thank you so much.