Hello, my name is Julie. I have been on a long journey that has been multi-faceted in many regards. I had to leave an unsafe situation years ago fleeing from a domestic violence situation and beginning the divorce process. To undo what I made the choice to enter into has been costly in more ways than one. I am here to ask for $3,500.00 for the portion of my current monthly attorney bill I cannot pay this month.

I have had many traumatic events happen in my life. Most of these I have now learned have resulted from the choices I have made, but I certainly haven’t thought this along the way.

I have experienced the natural consequences of disobeying my parents, choosing friends who were not seeking the Lord, and partnership with those who did not have pure hearts. I always trusted and knew as a young teen and going forward that with all these terrible experiences that God was going to use them for my good and his glory somehow, someway, some day. This belief was just juxtaposed with the thought that I was a victim of my circumstances. I wasn’t taking ownership for the choices I had made. I believed that I just fell into the situations and these things happened to me making me a victim.

It wasn’t until recent conversations with friends from my church that God granted me revelation. It took three different things as I see it. Prayer, preparation, and willing participants for God to work through. I have been praying for God to awaken me to His truth to see what is keeping me from growing in a deeper relationship with Him.

Through different parenting classes and resources I have been studying, I have been learning more about how, as parents and just humans in general, we are only in control of ourselves and cannot control another person, but they must learn to control themselves and to take responsibility for their choices (thoughts and actions).

In one specific conversation I had with a friend she was bold about telling me the truth. In telling me about her own experience where she had to make a difficult choice, she realized how impactful our own decisions are and impressed upon me that our decisions are our own and what comes from them is the life we have. This was hard for me to take at first. A separated family, disabled by domestic violence abuse, a single mom unable to financially provide, living by the grace of God as he provides through others. It can be easy to see my life as not a very pretty picture, one I don’t want to accept credibility for. But I realized this truth my friend shared in love was what I had prayed for. God had prepared me to receive it, and I had been rejecting this truth all my life.

God’s timing and orchestration is perfect. As I read “Streams in the Desert,” a devotional another friend from my church had given me, I read:

“Genesis 32:24 Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. In this passage, God is wrestling with Jabob more than Jabob is wrestling with God. The “man” referred to here is the Son of Man-the Angel of the Covenant. It was God in human form, pressing down on Jacob to press his old life from him. And by daybreak God had prevailed, for Jacob’s “hip was wrenched” (v.25). As Jacob “fell” from his old life, he fell into the arms of God, clinging to Him but also wrestling until his blessing came. His blessing was that of a new life, so he rose from the earthly to the heavenly, the human to the divine, and the natural to the supernatural. From that morning forward, he was a weak and broken man from a human perspective, but God was there. And the Lord’s heavenly voice proclaimed, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome” (v.28). God knows how to lead us to the point of crisis, and He knows how to lead us through it. There is no way out but God.”

I ask that you pray for me as I come into this new understanding, this new life accepting responsibility for my choices and the results of them. That God may bless me and my family and help me to lead my children in His ways.

My divorce is finalized now. I appreciate any support you can help with as I pay off this current bill.

May God bless you and continue to draw you closer in relationship with Him.