Isn't our family beautiful?! You would not believe the struggle that has gotten us where we are today. People have shared how I look so exhausted, tired, and stressed. All I see when I look in the mirror is a fighter.
Every day and every night I am working hard for these children, all of them age 3 and under. We left their father 4 months ago with what fit in our car and $50 to our name. We changed states.
1 in 4 women are victim of domestic violence. Here I am. Victim of domestic violence. 29 years old. Master’s degree in Education. 3 children ages 3 and under. I have been free from abuse for 4 months. Abuse … also called: Divorce. Cheating. Adultery. Threat of violence. Police reports. Emotional Abuse. Verbal Abuse. Protective order. Rape. Financial abuse. STD testing on my wedding anniversary. Not creditworthy. Repossession. His condoms and pregnancy tests. Seeing demons. Trauma. Forensics. CPS. Drug slang words. Sexual abuse. Bruise marks. Suicide. Homicide. Porn starring my husband. Those words are my story of the past four years. My ex-husband changed into a different human two days after we wed. It was a 180 degree switch. I was physically and verbally threatened not even a month into our marriage. At the time I was pregnant and supporting us through a new dream job that I was really looking forward to. He was upset one night because he thought I disrespected him. He “asserted his dominance” on me. I ran downstairs and hid under a table, pleading and yelling for him to leave. Once he did, I locked myself into my bedroom with a dresser in front of the door. I was scared for my life. Being Christians, we tried to make it work, time and time again, violence after violence, counselor after counselor (although he always got us kicked out). He never kept us in the same spot for more than a year. Never. We moved states away each time, and each time expecting me to support us with no support network. He kept me pregnant (a power and control thing). He knew how much “dominance” to use and what he had to do to keep me happy. Drugs were in the picture, as much as I wanted them out. It took me 5 months to finally realize why he was taking a spoon and a lighter into the bathroom. Later I found out that at least $6,000 went to drugs, just over the course of 3 months. I stood by his side in therapy. We didn’t have any more babies but we added in a stepdaughter. If you lost count, that’s 3.5 years, 4 children, 4 moves. He changed religion 4 times. One night, during an alpha-male lecture he gave the family, I had to ASK PERMISSION to get up to tend to the crying baby laying right next to me. After he finished ridiculing me and delivering a lecture designed just for me, I went to bed. Later that night, he came in and raped me. The next day I left, $50 to my name, with what fit in my car, and my three precious babies.
That was 4 months ago. My children and I have been through so much. I attend a support group and counseling. I am getting a voice for myself. I am learning to reclaim my headspace. I am finding things I LOVE!! I have interests of my own!! I am loving discovering what I like. It is like a baby learning to crawl and explore the world for the first time.
Right now, I need to be with my children. I have always desired to teach and train up my children; it is my dream. And just because my reality has changed and I am raising three children with zero support from that male, I will still do what is best for my littles, and that is to stay at home with them.
I want to start a home based business that would allow me the freedom to homeschool (Montessori style) and be there consistently during the day. In order to start my business, I have a minimum amount of inventory I need to purchase. I have cashed in an inheritance account from my grandmother, saved my tax refund, began making healing jewelry, and sell whatever I see by the dumpster or from my home that could make us money. I used to have excellent credit, but he ruined it time and time again. I cannot get a loan or credit card because he ruined my credit, buying drugs. I am needing to come up with this money soon so I can provide for my family.
I am just not a domestic violence victim. I am a mother, I am a Christian, I am enthusiastic about health and Montessori living and schooling. I am a minimalist. I lost myself over the course of 4 years. I couldn’t make a decision. I had no idea what I enjoyed doing. I never tried anything new. Now I am finding myself. I KNOW I will be successful. I KNOW I will succeed. There is no reason why I wouldn’t. I am a highly-educated, well-versed academically woman, who loves managing huge projects. I AM smart with money and AM financially responsible. I AM going to do great things! In the future, I am hoping to develop a non-profit for domestic violence victims. I have even bigger dreams than that, too. For now, I would LOVE to be able to provide exactly what my family needs- a stable home environment. We desperately need that to heal. Would you please consider joining my cause, to support me in my journey of becoming financially independent? Of helping 4 individuals walk a road that we deserve?
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