Emergency Relief Fund - Debbie Arnow's Passing

UPDATED 12/12/2024

Dear Friends and Family,

On Monday the 4th of November, My true Angel and light of my life, Deborah - my incredible wife & inseparable best friend of 32 years, suddenly died during completion of an emergency hip surgery, following a very bad fall she took on Sunday the 3rd.

She was the Sunshine in the life of so many people and always, *always* thought of others first before herself, no matter how she may have been in pain or struggle.

We had just gotten her home 1 week before her fall, after 2 weeks in Holy Cross Hospital where she fought through severe pneumonia and congestive heart failure, and had very successfully begun dialysis for advanced kidney disease which we had struggled with for 2 years.

That week, we had for the first time in months, gotten her pain management heading in a great direction, she had cured her diabetes with extreme dietary discipline, her A1C was 5.1, and we were going to start home therapy again with her brand newly reconfigured leg. She was excited about dialysis - it was an adventure for her and already after 1 week we had seen an amazing change in her chemistry, and the clinic was comfortable and the people were amazing.

We were starting a brand new chapter of renewed health and hope, when she simply went out our front door for a moment into the nice weather, and bent over to pet and love on our kitty and fell horribly out of her wheelchair onto the concrete in front of our apartment, that very morning while i was actually at work, on the 3rd.

The horror and loss of all we had hoped for and fought for so long, now lost forever was so suddenly one of utterly inconsolable grief for me and many family and friends.

This is an emergency request fund following her sudden loss as i am still, even today, in danger of losing our home and everything we have ever worked and struggled for, after more than 30 years together.

I truly *Must* keep our home and our small family business alive as i do everything possible to recover, find and generate work, and remain stable, and truly continue to honor her highest hopes and dreams for us to move beyond constant struggle.

Please, this is extremely serious and it makes me sick to even have to write this, at this point in time. The thought that everything we ever shared could be lost is overwhelming, and sadly i learned the week after her passing, that i am also not eligible for any of her social security income until i turn 60, which was a big part of what has gotten us thru the 2 years of continuous severe illness and often extreme disability.

She is the single most brave person i have ever known, and absolutely determined to get better and begin walking again, but this horrific accident took her away from all of us forever, and has torn my world apart and our families' upside down.

As many of you know - in February & March of last year, 2023 - Deb became critically ill with diabetes and vascular damage, which harshly resulted in her losing one of her legs above the knee in April.

I have never in my life seen anyone endure the kind of pain and loss she went through, and still somehow keep a spirit, a light, unbeatable humor, and a continual strength of kindness that set an example of love, brave determination, and unending thoughtfulness towards ALL others that she still kept within her, and that amazed all of us. I have never in this life known anyone as courageous and strong as she was.

The sheer amount of around the clock care as her sole primary caregiver for years - has been a crushing difficulty that we have been *barely* navigating, and sorely magnified for the last year and a half after her amputation, and with her unexpected death last month, i am painfully close to losing much of what we have ever tried to accomplish.

Her strength of character and our absolutely inseparable love played a huge role in our survival, thru the worst and most unexpected challenges that we ever had to face together in this life.... and as her sole, lone, acute level caregiver, we have been constantly exhausted and tortured by the pain and difficulties she has endured, up until her brutally difficult passing on the 4th, in what was at least her 14th or 15th hospitalization since early last year.

Thru the first 10 months of 2023 there were many post-amputation complications, some caused by awful medical mistakes early in her recovery after loss of her leg, and that added *months* of unexpected wound care, far extended loss of strength, immense ongoing pain, and a much longer constant mass of medical follow-ups which deeply slowed her progress, led to further complications, and continued to make it very difficult for us to earn enough real income to recover during that entire time.

My heart and mind are so far beyond anguish, crushing pain and loss and all i want is my babygirl back home with me, but i cannot get her back home any longer now, and i need your help to keep what we both worked so hard together to accomplish.

i have only thanks of endless praise to everyone that has already done so much to help, and much more than that, already.

We are,

Always and forever,

Maryanne & Debbie Arnow

Deborah Ann Arnow - June 1st, 1952 - November 4th, 2024