I've been struggling to find a job for about 3 years now, In those 3 years I've faced homelessness and medical issues that prevented me from completing highschool (despite repeating a year unfortunately), and have occurred a not insignificant amount of debt. And I am currently facing issues at home, with finishing my highschool degree, and with a considerable worry about my partner's wellbeing and ability to stay alive.

I used to be able to get some funds door to door, usually either mowing lawns with a weedwacker or, in the winter, de-icing & shoveling snow. I even amassed enough to move in with a friend in the US. However, I've had to move back in with my parents in canada due to also being unable to find a job in ohio, and due to my friend being able to continue financially supporting another person without starting to risk his degree. I have found a couple jobs but had to leave them due to being unviable as stable work in a variety of different ways (such as only being scheduled for 15 hours a month, at $10 /h, for 3 months in a row). This is also why I can't get anything door to door anymore, the time I need to sink into it to get what used to be just barely enough, just isn't worth it anymore. Its time I could be and should be spending searching for work.

Then there is my partner, who is my main motivation to keep trying. Medically, I only need to get my teeth fixed from an incomplete cavity filling procedure, and to purchase my adhd medication every month. My partner is in a much worse condition, they don't really have food, their legs just don't always work anymore, brain fluid is just slowly leaking out of their nose now apparently, and the health insurance they've been having to rely so much on just might not be a thing in the next month or two. Currently they're supposed to be on a 2 week bedrest they can't really take without risking homelessness, which due to the reasons above would just mean death. They've been given only a year to live if they continue to not really have access to the proper care they need. -And because they're stuck in the US right now, deportation is a thing we also have to worry about, which has almost happened despite them being born in the US. The only reason that didn't happen was because the ICE agent humored them, allowing my partner to make a call to somebody he knows in law enforcement, who proceeded to hand the agent's ass to them. Right now, my worst nightmare is waking up one day and never hearing from my partner again, and I wouldn't be able to know if its because they just never woke up, if they're in the ICU, if they've been deported which might as well mean death anyway in their condition.

I'm currently living with my parents, which is going well but I don't know how long its going to be an option. Theres a reason it was better being homeless then continuing to live with them in the first place. Tensions seem to just be constantly rising because I still don't have a job and it doesn't compute that I've been trying my fucking best, and just getting nothing back in return. [Update 1a: I am indeed now homeless. It is weirdly less stressful but obviously still sucks and I don't always know where and when I'm going to be able to get sleep now.] My job applications as of right now from just the past 2 years are in the 700s, which is such a ludicious number it actually got me into a really helpful CA government made class on teaching neurodivergent folks on applying for and maintaining work, which I've only recently completed and started being able to implement that knowledge. It feels like I'm not being allowed to live, like I'm just watching myself and my partner slowly dying, trying to do everything I can only to find that all I've done is make our deaths worse by making them slower and more painful. I'm not giving up, I can't give up, but fuck man it feels like I'm forcing myself to be hopeful in a hopeless situation. Like I've been decapitated and my severed head is thinking "maybe I can get out of this, just maybe I can survive."

I know eventually I will succeed, and survive, but my worry is that when I do it'll be too late.

Anything that is donated will first be going towards taking care of my partner, finishing my CAEC (canadian GED, $340-$375), getting my drivers exam done (for my learners lisence, $17), and getting a new phone ($150-180ish, I plan to get it on sale and referbished) as I'm starting to suspect the garbage -outdated when it came out in 2009- phone I currently have is not receiving calls, which is quite important for job searching. If theres anything leftover (which I doubt there will be, its the holidays afterall and I'm not even expecting enough to be donated to even cover my CAEC), it will be going towards getting me out of debt. The debt I am in can be broken down like this and will be paid in roughly this order:

Credit card (US)- $380

Unpaid rent (CA)- $3,400

Unpaid internet bill I forgot to cancel for 5 months then had a cancel fee (CA)- $910

Unpaid rent I want to pay back to my former roommate when I can (US)- $4500

Total (US)- $4880

Total (CA)- $4310

My friend Amaranth suggested I make a gofundme for them to promote and hopefully help get me out of this shit. There is a very good chance anybody that sees this came from their sharing of it. They are genuinely such a wonderful and kind person, and I'm so incredibly thankful they're in my life. So just, a massive fucking thank you to them.

Update 1b: Holy fuck thank you to everybody that has donated so far its been extremely encouraging and helpful. I am now indeed Homeless, and am staying at a youth shelter atm, as I'm just young enough to barely qualify. Whenever that's not an option I"ll be riding the trains back and forth, or I'll be spending the night in an airport lobby because nobody bats an eye at somebody sleeping there. A friend of mine is letting me keep a snow shovel and a ice scraper in their garage, and the donations have allowed me to buy those, as well as winter supplies that I didn't have. I'm still working on getting my CAEC- I'll be booking those tests soon. Just, thank you all so much.